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Thread: Broken Promises

  1. Regular Member
    hally_2008's Avatar
    hally_2008 is offline
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    Aug 2010
    Me: Arizona / Him: Virginia
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    Broken Promises

    The tears won't stop pouring down right not
    For those of you who don't know
    DB had be distant
    no emails, or skyping, no facebook
    so i finally wrote him asking what was up and whats exactly going on
    the only response i would get is "im just super busy, im sorry"

    Then today i get on facebook and he's on
    so i write him saying he's confusing me
    and then he has the time finally to say "why the hell are you confused"
    i begin to tell him that im confused because he doesn't respond to me
    but yet he has time to get on facebook and that i was getting super insecure
    about us, and how all i needed to hear was that he still wanted an "us"

    he responds with saying that i need to CHILL
    and that he's having a real rough time
    and that he needs some space

    so i go into defense mode and tell him that i don't know how to take that
    but i'll leave him alone if thats what he wants

    his response exactly is "its not that i want you to leave me alone i just think that you dont need to get so far into me rite now esp when im goin thru alot of crap its kinda scarin me and freakin me out a lil i mean i love that you care so much that not talkin to me worries you but listen i will be ok im not tryin to get a attached so soon rite now and thats not callin me and u off at all so dont think that"

    how am i suppose to take that
    not get attached? then you shouldn't have started a relationship with me
    if you're not calling it off but you're not getting attached then what am i?
    what am i doing waiting all this time for you to come back and not be attached?
    what is that suppose to mean

    of course i ask him all this and he doesn't respond...
    how am i suppose to just sit here
    i don't even know what we are now...
    how do you do that to someone....
    he still has yet to write me back he just leaves it at that...seriously?!

    I just want to hug you, but your are 2,264 some miles away, what I wouldn't do for a hug.
  2. life is like a box of chocolates...
    mandy_may's Avatar
    mandy_may is offline
    life is like a box of chocolates...
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    Jun 2010
    me - Cali him - across the world from me
    i don't really know what advice to give cuz that does sound confusing to me, but here's a for you you and hope things get cleared up soon!
    if you can find a path with no obstacles, then it probably doesn't lead anywhere....

    i love me some RED HOT!!

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  3. Senior Member
    MUWgirl's Avatar
    MUWgirl is offline
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    Sep 2010
    He sounds terrified. When men get into waters they aren't used to chartering, some freak out. He is currently deployed and that is a scary thing. Relationships are also a scary thing. I think you should give him some space right now and see if y'all can talk things through when he isn't so stressed and probably exhausted from work. I know it's hard and I'm sorry he's being this way.
  4. Senior Member
    sarah dee's Avatar
    sarah dee is offline
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    Jun 2010
    My DB and I went through a very similar situation, aside from the lack of communication thing. But I know with my DB - I can't push conversations like the one you had with your DB.. he has to have them when he is ready. If you push him into talking about it, it may end up bad.

    He had been dealing with so much with his deployment and was honestly starting to slip into depression. You have to be really understanding and supportive of them, IMO. I'm not saying the way he's handling things is right or that you should let him walk all over you - but if he needs a break, maybe its for the best. My DB and I took a short break for him to work on him and it's done nothing but help us. We really don't know what they are going through and it's our job to support them, in whatever way that may be.

    I know its hard and it's going to break your heart because it did the same thing to me. But I love my DB enough to know if a break is what he needs then I will give it to him. You never know, that break could be the saving grace of your relationship. It will give you a chance to become more independent. Plus he did say he didn't want to see things between the 2 of you completely end and even though I don't personally know your DB, I believe those words are sincere or he wouldn't have said it.

    Just work on being there and supporting him. Being deployed is so straining on them: physically, mentally, and emotionally. I guess my point is don't be so sure on that a break is a bad thing. Look at it as a time to work on getting strong for him and finding a way to handle his deployment better.

    PM me if you wanna talk

    My blog: Life, Love, and Lesson Plans My Wedding Blog: Operation: Becoming Mrs. B

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  5. MilitarySOS Jewel
    Katyp's Avatar
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    Aug 2010
    The 'burbs of Motor City, MI

    That is confusing. This sounds like a lot of displaced anger/frustration. Its hard to know where that is coming from, especially when he is in a combat zone.

    How long was there no contact before all this? During that period were you trying to contact him?

    I just ask because maybe if this distant thing has only been a few days maybe he is reacting to some specific acute stress that he doesn't know how to process. In that case, it may be best to express that you care for him and want to help in the way he needs it, and then give him space for a few days.

    This way, he knows your available and not simply ignoring him, but it also gives him space to try to process whatever it is that is at the core of this.

    Those we care about the most are most often the ones that we show the worst of ourselves too. Obviously, thats NO EXCUSE for hurtful or inconsiderate behavior. However, if this is not in line with your DB's normal demeanor and you still want to make the relationship work, you'll have to find out what the real issue is - whether its REALLY about you caring too much (highly doubt this) or about something else (likely). It doesn't sound like hes likely to want to talk about it now but hopefully after a short period of supportive withdrawl on your end, he'll want to and be more aware of the effect he is having on you.

    Woah thats quite a novel. Anyway OP, I really sympathize with the pain you are feeling right now, and I think you sound like an wonderful girlfriend.
  6. Fresh Newbie
    auchick's Avatar
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    OP, I'm glad he finally gave you an answer, even if it wasn't what you wanted to hear. It sounds like he has a lot on his plate right now that he is trying to deal with. He also sounds like he may be feeling a bit selfish for keeping you waiting on him while he is dealing with whatever may be going on. I agree with the previous poster, give him some space and he'll come back around. He *did* say he "didn't want to call things off", afterall.
  7. Regular Member
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    Big to you! That is very frustrating. I'd have to agree with most of the other ladies. He sounds scared and maybe he does just need his space. I know it's not fair for you to sit there and wonder and wait and worry until he's ready, but if you keep pressuring him to talk and asking questions he might just flip and end it all together, and i'm sure you don't want that.

    DB has his moments like that occasionally, I just have to wait until he's ready to talk about serious issues. If I bring it up too many times he totally shuts down.
  8. Senior Member
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    This sounds super confusing-- so all I got to offer is and hopes that things get figured out soon. I wasn't sure why the thread was titled 'broken promises' though... From what I can gather, it sounds to be like he's afraid of commitment or something In any case, I sincerely hope things work out for you

  9. Love never fails. ♥
    Divergent♥'s Avatar
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    South Texas :)

    Girl, I'm so sorry! I never experienced this with my DH, but I know its very common for soldiers to become distant because they're scared.. I hope everything works out.

  10. Today was a Fairytale
    LILLIE's Avatar
    LILLIE is offline
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    RAF Lakenheath, ENGLAND
    It kinda sounds like he does want you email/text/facebook him a lot?

    At least he gave you an answer, even if it wasnt quite what you wanted to hear. He probably has a lot of his plate right now.

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