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Thread: Well I guess it is over...

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    #1

    Thumb Down Well I guess it is over...

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    I don't even know how to begin this post.

    I guess I just can't believe what a douchebag he is being!!! He is currently deployed and just won't talk to me. At all. I've sent a few texts, and an email. Yesterday he was logged into yahoo messenger and he signed out (or went invisible) as soon as I logged in. So.. I assume this is his way of ending things. Everything appeared to be going fine... But I have no idea if it was something I did, something I didn't do, or if it has anything to do with me at all.

    Side note...Do I even have a right to feel upset about this? To make a long story short, we have a long history together (8 years on/off) but weren't officially "together" this time since we had a lot to work out and he was about to deploy in less than a month (he's currently been gone approx 2.5 mo). However, he talked extensively about a future together, and made plans for stuff to do together when deployment was over next year. Up until this Houdini act, his actions matched everything he was saying, so I was OK with not pushing for a label but now I'm seconding guessing everything. His facebook status last week said something about him having a short temper lately. I could speculate all day as to whether I am the reason for that (doubt it), or if I'm seeing the result of that, but that's still no excuse to be an and blatantly avoid me. I'm more mad about him avoiding the situation than anything else. WHO DOES THAT?!?!?
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by auchick View Post
    I don't even know how to begin this post.

    I guess I just can't believe what a douchebag he is being!!! He is currently deployed and just won't talk to me. At all. I've sent a few texts, and an email. Yesterday he was logged into yahoo messenger and he signed out (or went invisible) as soon as I logged in. So.. I assume this is his way of ending things. Everything appeared to be going fine... But I have no idea if it was something I did, something I didn't do, or if it has anything to do with me at all.

    Side note...Do I even have a right to feel upset about this? To make a long story short, we have a long history together (8 years on/off) but weren't officially "together" this time since we had a lot to work out and he was about to deploy in less than a month. However, he talked extensively about a future together, and made plans for stuff to do together when deployment was over next year. Up until this Houdini act, his actions matched everything he was saying, so I was OK with not pushing for a label while he was away but now I'm seconding guessing everything. His facebook status last week said something about him having a short temper lately. I could speculate all day as to whether I am the reason for that (doubt it), or if I'm seeing the result of that, but that's still no excuse to be an and blatantly avoid me. I'm more mad about him avoiding the situation than anything else. WHO DOES THAT?!?!?
    So, I let me get this straight..you don't have a title correct, or you weren't together? (I'm basing this off of the following statement: "Up until this Houdini act, his actions matched everything he was saying, so I was OK with not pushing for a label while he was away but now I'm seconding guessing everything." ) It sounds like there wasn't really a relationship to be over? (if that makes sense) I think it's crappy how he's just stopped talking to you, but it could be anything, honestly. I wouldn't jump the gun just yet. If you're really pressed to stay in this "relationship" then I would give it some more time. ( The reason why I put this in quotes is because of the back history, and the fact you are not actually together in a committed relationship right now.) Guys can be completely different people when they are deployed.

    Also, sweetheart if you want the title, ask for it.
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    #3
    Recently, I didn't hear from DB for a few days until finally I got a text saying he was depressed and stressed out working 18hr days and he didn't want to talk to anyone...so give him some space. Maybe when he's ready to talk to you he will. I know it seems unfair that they shut us out, right?
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    #4
    If you were not a couple, he isn't ending things with you per say. While what he is doing is juvenile lots of people do this.

    Perhaps he is having some issues while being deployed and just doesn't want to talk to people. I do want to say that unless you were there, you don't know if he signed off or went invisible simply because you logged on. It honestly could be a case of you got on as he was getting off or right before. If you are meaning because he didn't try to chat, I almost never know someone is online unless they ding me to chat. Maybe he is like that currently.

    But now, if you are honestly curious and you are willing to give him the benefit *I* suggest sending him an email, facebook message or whatever and just telling him you aren't sure what is going on. You saw his status message he hasn't talked to you for a while etc. Tell him if he wants to sever ties just to let you know, but if he is just have a bad run of things right now that is ok and you will be there for support when he wants/needs it but again just let you know. Tell him you'll wait a week or two for a reply and if you don't get one you will take it to mean he is done and you won't contact him again.

    But the fact you have been on again off again for 8 years tells ME your relationship is not a secure steady on and moving one might be the best option anyways for both of you.
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    #5
    sorry OP



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    #6
    I'm so sorry to hear your going through that. How long has he been gone? Maybe he just busy right now. Perhaps he signed off Yahoo because he couldn't talk. When was the last time you guys talked? I know DB & I only get to talk once a week. Sometimes I get a second email if I'm lucky. I hope he comes around & sends you something!


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    #7

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    #8
    Could he just have spotty internet connection right now? Maybe he was logging off when you were getting on and didn't notice? Maybe he is busy/stressed/overwhelmed?

    I wouldn't jump to conclusions. As hard as it is I would wait it out and see if he will contact you so you guys can talk.

    I have sent TONS of emails to my husband and only gotten 3. It doesn't mean he's ignoring me, he just doesn't get to read/respond often.

    If it were me, I would want to TALK about it before assuming he's over it.
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    #9
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Southern-momma View Post
    If you were not a couple, he isn't ending things with you per say. While what he is doing is juvenile lots of people do this.

    Perhaps he is having some issues while being deployed and just doesn't want to talk to people. I do want to say that unless you were there, you don't know if he signed off or went invisible simply because you logged on. It honestly could be a case of you got on as he was getting off or right before. If you are meaning because he didn't try to chat, I almost never know someone is online unless they ding me to chat. Maybe he is like that currently.

    But now, if you are honestly curious and you are willing to give him the benefit *I* suggest sending him an email, facebook message or whatever and just telling him you aren't sure what is going on. You saw his status message he hasn't talked to you for a while etc. Tell him if he wants to sever ties just to let you know, but if he is just have a bad run of things right now that is ok and you will be there for support when he wants/needs it but again just let you know. Tell him you'll wait a week or two for a reply and if you don't get one you will take it to mean he is done and you won't contact him again.

    But the fact you have been on again off again for 8 years tells ME your relationship is not a secure steady on and moving one might be the best option anyways for both of you.


    I send lot of emails to DB and I only get back a bare few. His internet is non-existent, so I long ago gave up trying to chat with him...he couldn't keep a connection long enough to send a message. Definitely give him time. He might be on limited communication or blackout, or he might just be having a bad time of it and wants to be alone for a while.

    Be patient, but still be brave enough to ask what's up (nicely).

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