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Thread: I'm confused....

  1. Senior Member
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    #1

    I'm confused....

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    Alright...so maybe this doesn't exactly belong in this forum because we aren't exactly "broken up" but we kind of were....

    My live in DB and I decided to take a "break" from each other. Actually "he" did...but who is being picky He packed up some things last weekend (Labor Day weekend) and has been staying with a friend ever since. We met this last Sunday night and talked a little...but nothing serious...he told me how much he missed me and how he wanted us to work things out...(insert sigh of relief)

    Sunday night our conversation stayed light and we ended up

    Well, yesterday communication was minimal during the day...he texted me a few times...to say good morning (but nothing like his normal...I miss you I love you etc texts) I called him last night and he seemed really distracted...and then he said he would text me before bed...but he never did last night...(which I knew he was tired...so he probably fell asleep.

    Well this morning he texts me and says good morning...and he was talking about coming over tonight, and I told him I had plans to maybe he could come over Wednesday instead...blah blah...well then I tell him I will cook dinner...pork chops and he says he might not make it in time for dinner...and then I get a text that says "I will definitely eat your pork chops " and he is saying this to be dirty and funny. So I respond back with something silly...and this keeps going on...and the dirty texts are FLYING...

    I normally don't mind...because we have been together for so long and it's not something that is out of the ordinary...

    But I am starting to get leery about it...we haven't talked about our serious issues...and he hasn't been texting me that he loves me or misses me...but he is texting me this stuff? Part of me thinks he is just trying to make things seem normal...and I am overreacting...I just want SO bad for things to be normal and to feel secure in our relationship again....we haven't talked seriously about anything...the night we met up he told me how much he missed me and loved me and wanted things to work...but I guess I am being insecure and I need him to say it more...

    I'm not sure how to broach this topic without blowing things out of proportion...

    I guess he could just be trying to have fun with me...like we used to...I just need a little reassurance...
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    #2
    sorry you are going through this! I went through something similiar with DB earlier in the summer. We had gotten into a big arguement and took a mini break from eachother. We both decided we wanted to work things out.. but me being a girl and using my brain decided we needed to actually talk about the issues so it wouldn't happen again. But him, being a guy and not using his brain, decided that we should just "forget about it and move." I would have loved to do that, but I knew if we didn't come up with some kind of compromise we would end up having the same arguement over and over again. But his way of dealing with it was to just text me like normal and pretend it never happened.

    You have ever right to be concerned though about what he's doing. It could just be his way of handling it, but it couldn't hurt to throw in an i love you/i miss you to make you happy and easy your worries!

    I would calmly talk to him about it without accusing him of anything and see how it goes from there. Hope it all works out!!
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    #3
    I would be careful that he isn't trying to just have sex.

    Maybe you should talk to him more about your relationship and hold off on the sex.

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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by lillie View Post
    I would be careful that he isn't trying to just have sex.

    Maybe you should talk to him more about your relationship and hold off on the sex.

    he could be using you for sex since you two are familiar and comfortable to each other.

    even if he isn't just coming around for sex, he needs to understand that ignoring problems just leads to bigger problems later on and sex doesn't just fix things. communication is important. good luck!
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    #5
    Just be honest with him, if you really care about this guy & want things to work (which from your post, i think you do) -- just tell him how you're feeling, don't be accusing when you mention it or anything. Just have a calm adult conversation and see if you guys are on the same page.



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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by mandy_may View Post
    he could be using you for sex since you two are familiar and comfortable to each other.

    even if he isn't just coming around for sex, he needs to understand that ignoring problems just leads to bigger problems later on and sex doesn't just fix things. communication is important. good luck!
  7. The Decider
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by lillie View Post
    I would be careful that he isn't trying to just have sex.

    Maybe you should talk to him more about your relationship and hold off on the sex.

    I'm going through something similar right now. K moved out last Tuesday, came over Saturday for , took me out to breakfast on Sunday, and I have barely heard from him since. I don't think that he necessarily is doing it on purpose, but he can't want his space and his penis to be used, too.

    Tell him you're not comfortable remaining intimate when you're not sure where you stand. That if you're going to open yourself up emotionally, you need some answers and some reassurance.
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    #8
    While he could just be trying to have fun and lighten the mood, I'm more inclined to think that he wants to maintain a physical relationship--but without the commitment of a FULL relationship. Kind of a friends with benes things til he figures out what he wants. It sounds like he wants to keep his options open. I wouldn't be okay with that.
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by BethM View Post
    While he could just be trying to have fun and lighten the mood, I'm more inclined to think that he wants to maintain a physical relationship--but without the commitment of a FULL relationship. Kind of a friends with benes things til he figures out what he wants. It sounds like he wants to keep his options open. I wouldn't be okay with that.
    IMHO, If you aren't secure in your relationship you shouldn't be having with him. I say this for the same reasons that you don't have sex with someone whom you first started dating, you aren't secure in your place with each other and you could be on much different pages here. Honestly, to me it sounds like he's trying to be a friend with benefits, I wouldn't put up with that. I would tell him that there would be no more intimacy until you've both decided that you're in the relationship 100%.

    I know it's hard to go through this stuff and I can really tell you want all of this to work out, I hope it does!

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