Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Results 1 to 10 of 10

Thread: Im soooo confused...

  1. Old Newbie
    babyj897's Avatar
    babyj897 is offline
    Old Newbie
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    New Mexico
    Posts
    19
    #1

    Im soooo confused...

    Advertisements
    I havent been on here in a long time.... But I could really use some advise... My friends dont really get the military thing...

    In January my friend introduced me to his best friend, and we started talking and went on a couple dates. Before our first date he told me that he was leaving for boot camp in less than two weeks, and at the time I was only interested in being his friend so I was supportive and curious. I ended up really falling for him. I spent every day with him till he left, I even had dinner at his parents house with his family 3 days before he left for boot, texting him all day and calling him every night. The night I met his family, he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes of course. Two days later he changed his mind, saying that I deserved to have a man who could take me on dates and be there to celebrate my birthday and other holidays, that he didnt want to hurt me and that he really wanted to be my friend while he was gone, which I agreed to even though I still wanted to be with him. The night before his flight he told me that he loved me.

    While he was in boot camp I wrote him often, probably too often, because he only wrote me twice at the begining of the first month. And thats all I heard from him. His mother kept in touch with me and updated me on his progress in becoming a US Navy Sailor. I even sent a graduation gift with her when she went to his graduation. He didnt text me for two days after he graduated. I had to text him first. It was so amazing to hear from him, but it was different. After a few days he told me that he wanted to be just friends and maybe "hook up buddies" which was a blow to my pride. I tried to keep my friendship with him, but it was too hard to deal with so I stopped talking to him in April.

    A couple days ago he texted me, completely randomly. I thought my heart was going to explode from beating so hard, I could feel my pulse in my toes. I was a complete mess of emotions. At first I was so glad that he contacted me, then I was completely enraged because I was trying to get over him. And then he told me that he is going on tour this week, and now I dont know what to think or how I feel. And hes not really helping the situation with his short texts sent few and far between. He said that he "felt like a d*** for what he did and wanted to start over" but he didnt really explain what he wanted to start over...

    Can anyone help me???
  2. Senior Member
    *Kayla*'s Avatar
    *Kayla* is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Together in Michigan!
    Posts
    6,454
    #2
    In my opinion it sounds like he is playing you. How old is he? My best advice is listen to your heart and go with what your gut tells you. Your the only one who knows what you can and cannot handle! hope everything works out for you
  3. Old Newbie
    babyj897's Avatar
    babyj897 is offline
    Old Newbie
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    New Mexico
    Posts
    19
    #3
    He turned 20 while in boot. And honestly my heart isnt really helping the situation, because I still really care for him. I've talked to other guys and dated other guys while he was in boot and after, but Im still not over him. I havent seen him in 5 months and before this week I havent talked to him in 3 months, but I still find myself crying over him, and thinking about him, and missing him. And now that he is talking to me again, I feel like I have to start all over and the past couple months have been for nothing. I have no self control because I still text him back if/when he texts me and I still want him to keep in touch while hes at sea. I dont know what to do...
  4. Occasional lurker
    Serpentine's Avatar
    Serpentine is offline
    Occasional lurker
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    12,969
    #4
    He's young, you're young. Are you ok with being an option and a "hook up buddy" with someone who may never love you let alone LIKE you to want more? At 20 I wasn't looking for marriage or a serious relationship even, that's ok! But that doesn't mean I would sell myself short for the satisfaction of feeling wanted a night, a week, a month, whatever.

    You need to decide what it is that will make you happy now, and what you can live with for your future. People change A LOT between 18-23...don't sell yourself short. Sure, it hurts now, but if you walk away it won't matter within 6 months or less even. I don't think hooking up with this dude or dating him for a few weeks as an option is something that will be good for you in the long run...in my opinion! But like I said, it's your call. It's your life, and you only get one. Be careful.

  5. Senior Member
    Jadeey's Avatar
    Jadeey is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    1,786
    #5
    I had something similar happen to me a few years ago. I randomly bumped into a guy I went to high school with (at the time about 6 years would have passed since I last saw him). We chatted and got along great. He was only in town on holiday but we kept in touch.

    I couldn't shake the hope that we might end up being more than friends. We talked every day online - all day since we both worked at computers and could have chat open. We talked on the phone many evenings and he even talked about moving back home so we could be together.

    Suddenly one day he stopped talking to me very often - always claiming he was busy. Months would go by and I wouldn't hear from him. I would give myself time limits like 'I'll wait 25 days then I'll send him another email.'

    Even though I knew he was treating me badly and playing me (because every time he did message me he'd say lovely things about missing me) I couldn't resist replying when I got a message. Every time I started to get over him I'd fall right back into the same pattern as soon as I heard from him again.

    So, yeah, I understand exactly where you are coming from. The only advice I can give is to keep reminding yourself that in the long run he's probably not worth it. Everyone deserves someone who wants to be with them and treat them right - this guy doesn't seem to be going to do that.

    (In case you are interested - my guy turned out to be a total dirtbag. I found out after about 2 years of this that he was actually married with kids! Thankfully nothing beyond talking ever happened between us since he didn't come home often. But I still feel sick at the thought that I was having these romantic conversations with a married man. That's what got me over him - it was easy after I found that out.)
  6. Senior Member
    foreverandalways's Avatar
    foreverandalways is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    8,256
    #6
    I agree that's it's ultimately your decision. But he sounds like he's going back and forth on this. From his "hook-up buddies" comment it doesn't sound like he's interested in committing to a relationship. Personally, that comment would make me not want to pursue a relationship. But it is YOUR decision. If you want to try and make it work, go for it, but realize that if things don't work out you're going to be devastated. It might be easier to just try to move on from the point things are at right now.
    Good luck! Let us know how things turn out.
  7. Senior Member
    Enthused Meerkat's Avatar
    Enthused Meerkat is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Bowie, MD
    Posts
    13,251
    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by babyj897 View Post
    I havent been on here in a long time.... But I could really use some advise... My friends dont really get the military thing...

    In January my friend introduced me to his best friend, and we started talking and went on a couple dates. Before our first date he told me that he was leaving for boot camp in less than two weeks, and at the time I was only interested in being his friend so I was supportive and curious. I ended up really falling for him. I spent every day with him till he left, I even had dinner at his parents house with his family 3 days before he left for boot, texting him all day and calling him every night. The night I met his family, he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes of course. Two days later he changed his mind, saying that I deserved to have a man who could take me on dates and be there to celebrate my birthday and other holidays, that he didnt want to hurt me and that he really wanted to be my friend while he was gone, which I agreed to even though I still wanted to be with him. The night before his flight he told me that he loved me.

    While he was in boot camp I wrote him often, probably too often, because he only wrote me twice at the begining of the first month. And thats all I heard from him. His mother kept in touch with me and updated me on his progress in becoming a US Navy Sailor. I even sent a graduation gift with her when she went to his graduation. He didnt text me for two days after he graduated. I had to text him first. It was so amazing to hear from him, but it was different. After a few days he told me that he wanted to be just friends and maybe "hook up buddies" which was a blow to my pride. I tried to keep my friendship with him, but it was too hard to deal with so I stopped talking to him in April.

    A couple days ago he texted me, completely randomly. I thought my heart was going to explode from beating so hard, I could feel my pulse in my toes. I was a complete mess of emotions. At first I was so glad that he contacted me, then I was completely enraged because I was trying to get over him. And then he told me that he is going on tour this week, and now I dont know what to think or how I feel. And hes not really helping the situation with his short texts sent few and far between. He said that he "felt like a d*** for what he did and wanted to start over" but he didnt really explain what he wanted to start over...

    Can anyone help me???
    Sorry, gotta wave the flag on this guy....
    I've heard the same crap he's feeding you before from an 'ex' that would never completely commit. Operative word being ex. Honestly, I still don't know why the hell this particular guy continued to string me along, because he wasn't getting any because I wasn't comfortable giving anything up when he wouldn't commit. This went on for almost an entire year...I mean, if he was just after ass, I think he would've given up way earlier. Anywho, I truly think you need to run...and fast...he's probably just going to continue to string you along knowing you'll continue to come back. I guess this was kind of harsh, but I'm just speaking from my own experience.
  8. Senior Member
    BrittanyLynn's Avatar
    BrittanyLynn is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Okinawa, Japan
    Posts
    2,766
    #8
    I think it would be best to leave this guy alone. It doesn't sound like he's mature enough or ready to give you what you deserve - a real relationship. Someone who deserves you is out there.

    Finally together in Okinawa and ready to start some new adventures together!
  9. Dreams come true... I am living mine
    Kris's Avatar
    Kris is offline
    Dreams come true... I am living mine
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Bradford, Vermont
    Posts
    20,511
    #9
    It sounds like he is looking for a booty call. Not a real relationship. Or he is looking for someone to support him through tour like you did through boot... go with your heart if you think he is playing you and don't want to be played run.
    DREAMS CAN COME TRUE
  10. Senior Member
    kellysaav's Avatar
    kellysaav is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Fort Lewis, WA
    Posts
    320
    #10
    Like other people have said, it sounds like he is just playing you. Maybe its not intentional. Maybe he is confused about what he wants exactly. But honestly I think he will just end up hurting you in the long run. I went through something similar a few years ago. If you want to stay in touch with him, then that is your choice. But I wouldn't have high hopes with him. You deserve someone who wants to be with you and cares about you and doesn't have to question whether they should be with you!


    DH: "I love you so much beautiful. Thanks for always being there and believing in me. It just makes me love you more!"

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •