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    #1

    Help/Direction Divorce...

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    Hey All

    I know I'm not here often although I think I have one other post about my crazy, messy divorce. But things are getting bad and I have no idea what I can/should do.

    Here is a summary of the divorce so far: We were married in California back in March 2009. I had been living in Michigan but packed up and moved to Cali in April/May. Once getting out there, my ex and I argued a TON. We clearly had issues and when one of us would try to work on things, the other wouldn't and vice versa. We are both responsible for the dissolution of the marriage. But either way, I moved home in August. When left I had gotten the impression that we would still try working on things.

    Well he came back to Michigan the weekend of my 21st birthday with divorce papers. Making me drive 4 hours on my birthday to sign them and then drive home. Needless to say, I figured that was it and they would be submitted when he got back to Cali.

    They did not. I had a Doctors appointment out there at the end of September so I figured if he wasn't going to take care of it then I would. That turned out really well, he told me he had to let his command see the papers before I turned them in. Well he took them and wouldn't give them back. So I went to his 1stSgt to explain what had been happening and to get the papers, which really only made things worse.

    I went back home and D (the ex) kept saying he submitted the papers, but when I would call the courthouse they said nothing had been. This went on for MONTHS. Finally in January I called and he had finally done something. The only reason I didn't submit them was because he said if I did I would be responsible for all the fees involved and after giving my job up, moving out there, not being able to find a job, having to move back and not being able to find a job here (while going to school full time) I just didn't have the money.

    Fast forward to now. He has been giving me 1/2 BAH every month on the 2nd and 16th and it works just fine. Until this month when he decided to stop payment and tried telling me that the divorce was final. Ummm no. I called the courts and it isn't final until July 15th. So when I told him he basically said "too bad". And didn't re start the transfer. When I deal with him he acts like a 2 year old, calling names and making threats and just doesn't understand that he is making things harder. So I emailed his 1st Sgt explaining what happened and figured that would take care of it. 1st Sgt replied quickly, saying he would handle it.

    Well D freaked out. And is now making all these threats trying to make my life hell, he still hasn't deposited the money and then sent me an email last night saying 1st Sgt went to his softball game last night and told him as long as I get the money it doesn't matter HOW. As in D needs to just deposit small amounts everyday. When I moved out there I gained a ton of debt because nothing was put in his name because he had poopy credit, so everything is now my responsibility (and its about 650 a month with minimum payments) and I get about $475 from D. If I start working, I'll lose the financial aid I receive from school, thats even if I could find a job, recently I applied at McDonalds and didn't even hear back. So I'm at a loss.

    I just don't know if I should see a lawyer out there and show him all the emails and chats I have with D showing the harassing comments he makes, I also have all the "promises" he made that if we got married and I gave up everything and moved how wonderful life would be. In addition to all that while we were married he had signed up on a massive amount of singles sites and was emailing girls off Craigs List, which I have copies of most of them.

    Please girls. I'm losing my mind. Its finals week and I can't think about anything other than this. I'm so hurt and confused and lost.

    Help please...
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    i would get a lawyer to just get things straightened out.

    i am sorry you are having to go through this!

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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by SweetStar067 View Post
    Hey All

    I know I'm not here often although I think I have one other post about my crazy, messy divorce. But things are getting bad and I have no idea what I can/should do.

    Here is a summary of the divorce so far: We were married in California back in March 2009. I had been living in Michigan but packed up and moved to Cali in April/May. Once getting out there, my ex and I argued a TON. We clearly had issues and when one of us would try to work on things, the other wouldn't and vice versa. We are both responsible for the dissolution of the marriage. But either way, I moved home in August. When left I had gotten the impression that we would still try working on things.

    Well he came back to Michigan the weekend of my 21st birthday with divorce papers. Making me drive 4 hours on my birthday to sign them and then drive home. Needless to say, I figured that was it and they would be submitted when he got back to Cali.

    They did not. I had a Doctors appointment out there at the end of September so I figured if he wasn't going to take care of it then I would. That turned out really well, he told me he had to let his command see the papers before I turned them in. Well he took them and wouldn't give them back. So I went to his 1stSgt to explain what had been happening and to get the papers, which really only made things worse.

    I went back home and D (the ex) kept saying he submitted the papers, but when I would call the courthouse they said nothing had been. This went on for MONTHS. Finally in January I called and he had finally done something. The only reason I didn't submit them was because he said if I did I would be responsible for all the fees involved and after giving my job up, moving out there, not being able to find a job, having to move back and not being able to find a job here (while going to school full time) I just didn't have the money.

    Fast forward to now. He has been giving me 1/2 BAH every month on the 2nd and 16th and it works just fine. Until this month when he decided to stop payment and tried telling me that the divorce was final. Ummm no. I called the courts and it isn't final until July 15th. So when I told him he basically said "too bad". And didn't re start the transfer. When I deal with him he acts like a 2 year old, calling names and making threats and just doesn't understand that he is making things harder. So I emailed his 1st Sgt explaining what happened and figured that would take care of it. 1st Sgt replied quickly, saying he would handle it.

    Well D freaked out. And is now making all these threats trying to make my life hell, he still hasn't deposited the money and then sent me an email last night saying 1st Sgt went to his softball game last night and told him as long as I get the money it doesn't matter HOW. As in D needs to just deposit small amounts everyday. When I moved out there I gained a ton of debt because nothing was put in his name because he had poopy credit, so everything is now my responsibility (and its about 650 a month with minimum payments) and I get about $475 from D. If I start working, I'll lose the financial aid I receive from school, thats even if I could find a job, recently I applied at McDonalds and didn't even hear back. So I'm at a loss.

    I just don't know if I should see a lawyer out there and show him all the emails and chats I have with D showing the harassing comments he makes, I also have all the "promises" he made that if we got married and I gave up everything and moved how wonderful life would be. In addition to all that while we were married he had signed up on a massive amount of singles sites and was emailing girls off Craigs List, which I have copies of most of them.

    Please girls. I'm losing my mind. Its finals week and I can't think about anything other than this. I'm so hurt and confused and lost.

    Help please...
    While you provided a lot of detail, I find myself feeling like I don't know enough for the best advice. You helped get yourself in a heck of a mess, and I'm not sure why you think you should be getting a ton of $ from him. If the divorce had been final, as you have been wishing and wishing, you wouldn't be getting the $ right? So now that you are still, unfortunately, married, you want $. IDK. I think you need to get the divorce finalized and as part of that figure out what part of the debt is his. THAT should be included as his responsibility and if it is in your name, he pays you a fixed amount. I hope you get it all worked out. Keep yourself organized and calm. Do you have a lawyer?



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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Judi View Post
    While you provided a lot of detail, I find myself feeling like I don't know enough for the best advice. You helped get yourself in a heck of a mess, and I'm not sure why you think you should be getting a ton of $ from him. If the divorce had been final, as you have been wishing and wishing, you wouldn't be getting the $ right? So now that you are still, unfortunately, married, you want $. IDK. I think you need to get the divorce finalized and as part of that figure out what part of the debt is his. THAT should be included as his responsibility and if it is in your name, he pays you a fixed amount. I hope you get it all worked out. Keep yourself organized and calm. Do you have a lawyer?
    I do not, since I'm back in Michigan I tried talking to a few here and they said that they can't help since the case is in California. So I called a few there that can't help because I am here

    And I sure did get myself into a huge mess! lol. Its not that I want more money, its that I just want what the Marine's require him to pay me and that's not happening.

    I have tried telling him in the past that he should be liable for the stuff he racked up on my cards, but he pretty much just said "its in your name, not mine, so too bad".
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    Wow........ your definitely going to need a lawyer hun.......

    The debt should be included in the divorce as how its going to be split and what is whos responsibility.....

    But Judis right. Once the divorce is final you still wont be getting any money so it will put you worse off then you already are now.



    Divorces suck. Especially when someone in the party plays dirty. As awful as my ex husband was to me, im thankful he made our divorce simple for me........
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    Quote Originally Posted by Missy_ View Post
    Wow........ your definitely going to need a lawyer hun.......

    The debt should be included in the divorce as how its going to be split and what is whos responsibility.....

    But Judis right. Once the divorce is final you still wont be getting any money so it will put you worse off then you already are now.



    Divorces suck. Especially when someone in the party plays dirty. As awful as my ex husband was to me, im thankful he made our divorce simple for me........
    I agree I would focus more on the debt he racked up on your credit cards and such rather than just that the military should be paying you. That might even sound more reasonable to him, if he has any reasoning! Good luck. I hope you get through this quickly so you can move on!
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    Quote Originally Posted by SweetStar067 View Post
    I do not, since I'm back in Michigan I tried talking to a few here and they said that they can't help since the case is in California. So I called a few there that can't help because I am here

    And I sure did get myself into a huge mess! lol. Its not that I want more money, its that I just want what the Marine's require him to pay me and that's not happening.

    I have tried telling him in the past that he should be liable for the stuff he racked up on my cards, but he pretty much just said "its in your name, not mine, so too bad".
    Even though there are guidelines in each branch that say what a servicemember "should" be paying--they are not REQUIRED to pay that (nor is the Marine Corps obligated to MAKE them pay it--they actually CAN'T make them pay it, they can only encourage them to pay it if they want to push the issue).

    Because your divorce has already been filed and is now pending (even though it's not final) I think it's highly unlikely you'll get anything else unless there is a COURT ORDER for spousal maintenance, which I doubt there is since you guys have only been married a year.

    If what I'm reading is correct, there are two different grounds for divorce in California: irreconcilable differences OR incurable insanity. I'm sure your divorce falls under the former. This is a "no fault" divorce--meaning it doesn't matter WHO is at fault. It doesn't matter if he committed adultery, was abusive, etc. This will not change any of the proceedings. You will not be financially compensated for these things. If you already signed the papers agreeing to the division of debt, you're sort of SOL.

    Honestly I wouldn't waste my money on a lawyer. It doesn't sound like you'll be due anything, and then you'll be out any money you'd spend on the attorney. I'd just wait it out. It will be final in July. It's not worth fighting over unless there is a court order that states he is to pay something and he's not obeying the court order.
    Beth, Mama to Emmalee (12), Evan (9), and Ella (4 on May 7) (I really REALLY need to update my picture!)
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    Quote Originally Posted by Missy_ View Post
    Wow........ your definitely going to need a lawyer hun.......

    The debt should be included in the divorce as how its going to be split and what is whos responsibility.....

    But Judis right. Once the divorce is final you still wont be getting any money so it will put you worse off then you already are now.



    Divorces suck. Especially when someone in the party plays dirty. As awful as my ex husband was to me, im thankful he made our divorce simple for me........
    ditto...sorry, you may need to get a lawyer now to fight it. Especially if its not 'final' yet...the sooner you get a lawyer to look into it, the better for you. Though legally speaking, he might only be responsible for half of it.

    And I agree with Beth, since there is no court order about the BAH, he doesn't have to give you anything, and the command can't force him to either. You're best bet is to get a lawyer.

    As for the emails with the promises, all it is is talk of what might've been, and even after you moved out there willingly, there's always the chance of the relationship deteriorating and you guys separating. I don't think that can hold any legal weight.
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by SweetStar067 View Post
    Hey All

    I know I'm not here often although I think I have one other post about my crazy, messy divorce. But things are getting bad and I have no idea what I can/should do.

    Here is a summary of the divorce so far: We were married in California back in March 2009. I had been living in Michigan but packed up and moved to Cali in April/May. Once getting out there, my ex and I argued a TON. We clearly had issues and when one of us would try to work on things, the other wouldn't and vice versa. We are both responsible for the dissolution of the marriage. But either way, I moved home in August. When left I had gotten the impression that we would still try working on things.

    Well he came back to Michigan the weekend of my 21st birthday with divorce papers. Making me drive 4 hours on my birthday to sign them and then drive home. Needless to say, I figured that was it and they would be submitted when he got back to Cali.

    They did not. I had a Doctors appointment out there at the end of September so I figured if he wasn't going to take care of it then I would. That turned out really well, he told me he had to let his command see the papers before I turned them in. Well he took them and wouldn't give them back. So I went to his 1stSgt to explain what had been happening and to get the papers, which really only made things worse.

    I went back home and D (the ex) kept saying he submitted the papers, but when I would call the courthouse they said nothing had been. This went on for MONTHS. Finally in January I called and he had finally done something. The only reason I didn't submit them was because he said if I did I would be responsible for all the fees involved and after giving my job up, moving out there, not being able to find a job, having to move back and not being able to find a job here (while going to school full time) I just didn't have the money.

    Fast forward to now. He has been giving me 1/2 BAH every month on the 2nd and 16th and it works just fine. Until this month when he decided to stop payment and tried telling me that the divorce was final. Ummm no. I called the courts and it isn't final until July 15th. So when I told him he basically said "too bad". And didn't re start the transfer. When I deal with him he acts like a 2 year old, calling names and making threats and just doesn't understand that he is making things harder. So I emailed his 1st Sgt explaining what happened and figured that would take care of it. 1st Sgt replied quickly, saying he would handle it.

    Well D freaked out. And is now making all these threats trying to make my life hell, he still hasn't deposited the money and then sent me an email last night saying 1st Sgt went to his softball game last night and told him as long as I get the money it doesn't matter HOW. As in D needs to just deposit small amounts everyday. When I moved out there I gained a ton of debt because nothing was put in his name because he had poopy credit, so everything is now my responsibility (and its about 650 a month with minimum payments) and I get about $475 from D. If I start working, I'll lose the financial aid I receive from school, thats even if I could find a job, recently I applied at McDonalds and didn't even hear back. So I'm at a loss.

    I just don't know if I should see a lawyer out there and show him all the emails and chats I have with D showing the harassing comments he makes, I also have all the "promises" he made that if we got married and I gave up everything and moved how wonderful life would be. In addition to all that while we were married he had signed up on a massive amount of singles sites and was emailing girls off Craigs List, which I have copies of most of them.

    Please girls. I'm losing my mind. Its finals week and I can't think about anything other than this. I'm so hurt and confused and lost.

    Help please...
    I agree with getting a lawyer,BUT if he filed in California,HE cant personally serve you. Someone else has to do it. If you divorce was final,you should get papers sent to you by the court with it signed and dated by the judge. You NEED to talk to someone. I got divorced out here. It isnt just as easy as 1,2,3.



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  10. Feelin' fly like a Cheesestick
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    Quote Originally Posted by sicasica17 View Post
    I agree with getting a lawyer,BUT if he filed in California,HE cant personally serve you. Someone else has to do it. If you divorce was final,you should get papers sent to you by the court with it signed and dated by the judge. You NEED to talk to someone. I got divorced out here. It isnt just as easy as 1,2,3.
    I think they only have to be served with papers if it's a contested divorce. I'm guessing this was non-contested and they both signed the papers in agreement?
    Beth, Mama to Emmalee (12), Evan (9), and Ella (4 on May 7) (I really REALLY need to update my picture!)

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