Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 13

Thread: its almost 2 years and he wants to leave

  1. Senior Member
    KDJM's Avatar
    KDJM is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    1,020
    #1

    its almost 2 years and he wants to leave

    Advertisements
    what happens during a military divorce? what benefits does the spouse retain? I hate that it has come to this. My heart is breaking but I have to pick up the peices for my life and for my daughter. Please help, what is life going to he like from here on?
  2. MilitarySOS Jewel
    His*PITA*'s Avatar
    His*PITA* is offline
    MilitarySOS Jewel
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Somewhere over a rainbow
    Posts
    69,415

    #2
    There are no benefits for the spouse, except for any alimony or child support the courts set up. However, if your daughter is your husbands child, then she will continue to have medical coverage and access to the PX and commissary.

    As for filing and getting the divorce finalized, not really anything the military is involved in, thats all the same as a civi divorce.
  3. Senior Member
    Heather LB.'s Avatar
    Heather LB. is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    8,533
    #3
    Different marriages retain different benefits. A military divorce isn't really anything different than a regular divorce. Usually, in a military divorce, you have to file in the state you got married unless I am wrong?


  4. Occasional lurker
    Serpentine's Avatar
    Serpentine is offline
    Occasional lurker
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    12,969
    #4
    Awww, I'm so sorry! Where is home for you, are you headed back to the East Coast? Is this sudden or where there troubles? Feel free to PM me!

  5. Feelin' fly like a Cheesestick
    BethM's Avatar
    BethM is offline
    Feelin' fly like a Cheesestick
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Silverdale/Bremerton, WA
    Posts
    9,770
    #5
    Go to base legal if you haven't already. They can explain to you the basic steps you'll need to take. You, as a spouse, will not retain any military benefits, but your child will remain eligible for Tricare as well as commissary/exchange privileges (they can get dependent ID since yours will no longer be valid). Depending on the state you are in, you may be able to file for divorce in that state if you've been living there. When you file for divorce you can request that the court order child support, and I strongly suggest you do so or he will not be *required* to give you any money.

    I'm sorry you're going through this! I did it myself a few years ago if you have
    any questions.
    Beth, Mama to Emmalee (12), Evan (9), and Ella (4 on May 7) (I really REALLY need to update my picture!)
  6. Senior Member
    KDJM's Avatar
    KDJM is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    1,020
    #6
    He keeps going back and forth saying that he is just tired of the ups and downs. its hard to convince someone the definition of unconditional love. i pray that one day he gets it. i love my dh, i want to be with him and continue the life we've developed.
  7. Senior Member
    GreenSoap's Avatar
    GreenSoap is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Fort Bragg
    Posts
    9,623
    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by KDJM View Post
    He keeps going back and forth saying that he is just tired of the ups and downs. its hard to convince someone the definition of unconditional love. i pray that one day he gets it. i love my dh, i want to be with him and continue the life we've developed.
    I'm sorry dear =(

    Maybe suggest marriage counseling? He may need to hear from someone else that EVERY SINGLE LAST relationship has ups and downs....
  8. Senior Member
    KDJM's Avatar
    KDJM is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    1,020
    #8
    thanks for the support ladies. we have been in counseling for about 3 months and things get better then they go back the familiar disagreeing. we are going to continue to work through things. i am looking for a marriage rebuilding course at a church.
  9. Looking for the sunshine...
    Jayo's Avatar
    Jayo is offline
    Looking for the sunshine...
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    San Diego
    Posts
    13,586

    #9
    Good luck with the counseling. Keep trying, it's a long road to figuring out each other's expectations and being able to let the other know what they are.

    I do suggest you google "learning to fight fair". It's eye opening and good information. Try to key in on your differences and work on each seperately.

    I wish you the best.
  10. You are here.
    Frybread's Avatar
    Frybread is offline
    You are here.
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    23,977
    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Heather LB. View Post
    Different marriages retain different benefits. A military divorce isn't really anything different than a regular divorce. Usually, in a military divorce, you have to file in the state you got married unless I am wrong?
    Quote Originally Posted by His*PITA* View Post
    There are no benefits for the spouse, except for any alimony or child support the courts set up. However, if your daughter is your husbands child, then she will continue to have medical coverage and access to the PX and commissary.

    As for filing and getting the divorce finalized, not really anything the military is involved in, thats all the same as a civi divorce.
    I agree....you do lose all priviledges to Tricare, the PX and the commissary but I believe your daughter will get an ID so she can still retain Tricare and access for her needs at the PX and quite possibly the commissary. You are entitled to a percentage of BAH until the divorce is final BUT his command doesn't have to require him to send it to you, some do work with the spouses, but most commands bank on the the military member to set up allotments, most don't. If you get a legal separation, get it in writing with his signature saying he is willing to give you that percentage or to set up an allotment. Other than that, there is nothing more.


    As for the relationship itself, have you looked into marriage retreats? I know in hampton roads it was offered, it was like a weekend away with other couples and I think a few therapists. I know a few who have touted the retreat as something that really built up their relationship and they were able to work out their issues. Good luck with whatever you're handed.
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •