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Thread: where do i start

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    rboyd's Avatar
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    #1

    where do i start

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    well my husband has been having an affair for over 5 months and now it all out. We are going to marriage counseling but i really dont think its going to stop. he is still lying and denying he has had sex with this woman and that their is a relationship but the messages, the text, the emails are all in my possession and this woman will tell me everything. he is the only one denying. he says he wants a future with me but I dont thinnk he is ready to grow up and let this stuff go. i think for my sanity i need to let go. i have contacted my lawyer as well as the navy legal. My husband has stated that he will not sign the divorce papers if he got them so i have chosen to move to atlanta with my family. Legal has informed me that because we have 2 children he is responsible to give 3/5 of his gross pay to help us. i need advice from someone who has gone through something similar. if i leave the house would i be the one abandoning the marriage and will i lose my military benefits and spousal assistance? I need to make decisions because seeing him here lying to me hurts to the very core.
    CHRISTOPHER JAYDEN born October 10, 2008 5lbs 7 oz
    & Yes he was early. 33 weeks and 5 days
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    #2
    Im sorry to hear. I didnt have any kids when I got my divorce. I know that I had to talk to his CO to have him set up and money for me. He lived in Washington State and I lived in Maryland while we were apart. I hope the best for you.
    It took longer than we thought. Now 2 IUI's, 3 IVF's, 1 FET .
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by krissywave View Post
    Im sorry to hear. I didnt have any kids when I got my divorce. I know that I had to talk to his CO to have him set up and money for me. He lived in Washington State and I lived in Maryland while we were apart. I hope the best for you.
    I agree....see if Legal can contact his command and set up something for you and the kids. Most states are "no fault" so his email and texts may not be admissable in court, but you might be able to send them in with a letter just telling the CO why you need something set up. Some commands try to work with the spouse, but sometimes some commands have the mindset that its a personal matter that the military doesn't have to get involved. So if they blow you off, you may have to go to the chaplain to see if they can do anything. Good luck.
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    If he is denying what you know is true and if he is still carrying on with her (not sure based on info), then I think you have the right to end it. However, you don't just walk away. You tell him that for the relationship to heal, he has to end the relationship with her completely. Don't trust what she says though. What does he say about all the proof? From what you said, my advice is to let him know what he has to do to repair and continue the relationsip. If he chooses not to, then he is ending the relationship, not you. On another note, I am not sure you can take the kids out of state without his consent, without a court order. It is not my area of expertise, but please check into it before you go anywhere so you don't have any problems with that. and I'm so sorry.



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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by rboyd View Post
    well my husband has been having an affair for over 5 months and now it all out. We are going to marriage counseling but i really dont think its going to stop. he is still lying and denying he has had sex with this woman and that their is a relationship but the messages, the text, the emails are all in my possession and this woman will tell me everything. he is the only one denying. he says he wants a future with me but I dont thinnk he is ready to grow up and let this stuff go. i think for my sanity i need to let go. i have contacted my lawyer as well as the navy legal. My husband has stated that he will not sign the divorce papers if he got them so i have chosen to move to atlanta with my family. Legal has informed me that because we have 2 children he is responsible to give 3/5 of his gross pay to help us. i need advice from someone who has gone through something similar. if i leave the house would i be the one abandoning the marriage and will i lose my military benefits and spousal assistance? I need to make decisions because seeing him here lying to me hurts to the very core.
    Ok, well one thing is you can not trust this woman 100%. I mean she is involved with a married man. Perhaps sexually, perhaps emotionally. But if she has feelings for him there is nothing saying she won't lie to you in order for you to leave him for good so she has a chance at him. So do you have fact other than her that tell you they are sexually involved still? Do you know that it is not her trying to force the relationship still?

    Yes he is responsible for helping support you, but he can not be made to legally until there is a court order. His command can get on him, can threaten him and punish him but they can not take the money from his check and they can not make him give you any money if there is nothing in writing from the courts.

    You leaving without a divorce is considered abandonment in many places. But as long as there is a valid marriage certificate and no divorce decree you are entitled to your ID and the use of bx, commissary and hospital.
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    #6
    I'm sorry darling.
    I can't tell you much about this sort of thing, but if you ever need a shoulder...you can PM me anytime.
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    Keep on keeping on.

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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Southern-momma View Post
    Ok, well one thing is you can not trust this woman 100%. I mean she is involved with a married man. Perhaps sexually, perhaps emotionally. But if she has feelings for him there is nothing saying she won't lie to you in order for you to leave him for good so she has a chance at him. So do you have fact other than her that tell you they are sexually involved still? Do you know that it is not her trying to force the relationship still?

    Yes he is responsible for helping support you, but he can not be made to legally until there is a court order. His command can get on him, can threaten him and punish him but they can not take the money from his check and they can not make him give you any money if there is nothing in writing from the courts.

    You leaving without a divorce is considered abandonment in many places. But as long as there is a valid marriage certificate and no divorce decree you are entitled to your ID and the use of bx, commissary and hospital.
    I agree too....

    and even if he doesn't sign them, as long as you show up to court, you can win by default, right? From what I was reading last night, some states (maybe all, idk) there is a thing with the courts, if you don't show up for a divorce, the other side wins the divorce still, and gets all their concessions. I think that is truly an empty threat from him hoping to to keep you from filing for it. I think you should.
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    #9
    All of this hurts my heart. I am so sorry you are having to go throug this love.
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    #10
    I don't have any legal expertise, but I'm sending lots you lots of love and strength...remember for to take care your heart/spirit during all of this...I pray lots of healing for you

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