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Thread: I'm just so confused.

  1. me and 2010 are going to bffs!
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    #1

    I'm just so confused.

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    J and I broke up back in August, after four months of dating. We hit it off instantly, and had a lot of fun together. We spent every chance together possible. Went on a vacation to Tybee Island and everything. We're both not even sure as to why we broke up. I flew home for a week to be with my family and he PCS'D to Texas. We didn't talk for a couple months, but have been almost everyday for the past few months. He's currently in Iraq. We had all these plans when we were together. Like I said, we hit it off instantly. There was a strong physical attraction but it was more than that. I'm not sure if anyone remembers my posts, but he keeps saying how we're getting married when he comes home next December, well, next February when I get back from Korea. I still love him. We still talk like we're together, baby I miss you, you know. Everything has been going great. Making plans, webcamming, emailing when the other isn't online, ect.

    So why am I confused? We're not officially back together. Which is fine. I don't need the title to know he cares about me and wants something to happen. BUT, he jokes around about me seeing other people while he's in Iraq. I feel like, he just wouldn't care if I was out hooking up with other guys, just as long as I was there when he got home. No, I know. Because he said it. He said he was kidding but it's not funny. So when I asked him how he can sit there and say "Baby we're getting married, start planning" then say, his words exactly, "I don't care what you do for the next year, but when were back in the states you're all mine." Followed by "It's over a year, I can't know if you're going to wait a year so why have a relationship with titles?"

    Why TALK to me like I'm your girlfriend then? I get it, your first 2 tours in Iraq your ex wife cheated on you. But I got cheated ON while my ex was in Afghanistan and I don't bring that baggage into this.



    I just.. Why act like we're together, but not want me to fully wait? Why be okay if I'm with someone else until you get home? Why am I even sitting here CONTEMPLATING waiting and being with you, if that's how you feel?

    It's making me sad and frustrated. Because I watched myself in a relationship before. I love J. He's a great guy. But I'm sorry J, you can't have some of me. It's all or nothing. It's the risk of being hurt, of being vulnerable to someone, of putting your heart into someone else's hands and you're completely uncapable of it. I just don't think I can talk to him everyday like we're together when we're not.

    Obviously I'm a fool. Sorry for the rambling. It was this, or write him an email about it and I don't want to stress him out while he's over there. I need to clear my head. My yahoo will be shut off for awhile I guess.



    Rockellexo is my wifey loveyou rachypoo!

  2. Where there is courage, there is humility
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    #2
    hon

    Have you told him that- that it's all or nothing? I know he has been cheated on the past, but like you have, so have you, and you aren't bringing that into this relationship. He has to let go and trust you completely. It's not fair of him to do that to you, because it is like a slap in the face.
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    #3
    There are some red flags. I'd be concerned about planning on such major plans like getting married or something like that when you guys have had such a tumultuous relationship. Perhaps he is wanting the comfort of someone while he is deployed.

    Slow down. Enjoy getting to know each other. Build a friendship. Why rush to get married?

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    #4
    Well.. here is the email I just sent him. I won't be online when he is the next few days, preparing for the holidays and all. Hope I don't regret this...






    Hey. This is not an email I want to be writing, but I know I have to. I don't want this to push you away or stress you out. But how I'm feeling needs to be talked about. But everytime we talk on yahoo, you joke about it. I just want to express how I'm feeling. How you take it is completely up to you.

    I care about you very much. I miss you everyday. I write you letters, do packages and email you everyday if we didn't get to talk on yahoo, just so you know I'm here and I care about you. I told you when we were still together I would wait for you while you were deployed. And I meant it. But I just don't understand how you can tell me you're going to marry me when you come home, and then tell me you don't care what I do for the next year while you're gone. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't work like that. If I was the one deployed, I wouldn't want you saying you were going to marry me, but hooking up with other girls. And that's NOT me. If someone has my heart, THEY have my heart. Here, there, in Iraq or on the moon. Regardless of how far you are and for how long. I have more respect for you then to sit here saying how much I want to be with you when you get back, then to go hook up with other guys, just because you're deployed. I'm not other girls you may know. IDK if this has to do with your past of being cheated on while deployed, but it's not me.

    I told you I loved you while we were together. And I meant it. And I still do. I think you're an amazing man. I love how comfortable I was with you. I hate how it ended. I hate how we fought a lot towards the end. A lot of thing on my end, have changed. I absolutely love talking to you and look forward to our daily conversations.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is, I can't continue them if you're not really into this, into me. I feel like you just don't want to completely give yourself to me, and that's why you don't want all of me. And that's okay. I won't force it upon you. But I can't have you telling me how much you care about me and want to marry me, if at the same time, you're okay with me hooking up with other guys. That just doesn't sit well with me.

    It's all or nothing Jeff. It's not a halfway thing. I deserve 100%. But I can't force anything. And I won't. And I don't want this to come off as me being crazy. But you're telling me you want to marry me. Ball is in your court.

    Regardless of how you feel after you read this email, I will be here through your deployment. I'm proud of you and I care about you and I'm praying for your safe return.

    I love you.
    xoxo



    Rockellexo is my wifey loveyou rachypoo!

  5. Where there is courage, there is humility
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    #5
    I think that was very well written. You told him everything, and I'm very proud of you for doing so. I hope he can see where you are coming from and realize that he does want all of you!
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by *Court* View Post
    I think that was very well written. You told him everything, and I'm very proud of you for doing so. I hope he can see where you are coming from and realize that he does want all of you!
    Last thing I need to do is completely put myself into a situation to get hurt like I did with Mike. I don't want to be his emotional crutch while he's deployed. He should be online tomorrow, so we will see.



    Rockellexo is my wifey loveyou rachypoo!

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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Trishy0815 View Post
    Last thing I need to do is completely put myself into a situation to get hurt like I did with Mike. I don't want to be his emotional crutch while he's deployed. He should be online tomorrow, so we will see.
    I agee with you. If he truly loves you, he'll do everything in his power to make you happy not hurt you and make you cry. He needs to show you he is serious about this relationship, about wanting to make it work. Joking around and telling you that he doesn't care what you do now with whomever you want, but in a year you'll be together just does not fly.

    I hope everything goes well! Keep us updated!
  8. me and 2010 are going to bffs!
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by *Court* View Post
    I agee with you. If he truly loves you, he'll do everything in his power to make you happy not hurt you and make you cry. He needs to show you he is serious about this relationship, about wanting to make it work. Joking around and telling you that he doesn't care what you do now with whomever you want, but in a year you'll be together just does not fly.

    I hope everything goes well! Keep us updated!
    Thanks girl. I'll post again when he's responded.



    Rockellexo is my wifey loveyou rachypoo!

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    #9
    Do you think maybe he does truely care for you, but is worried about what the next year will bring.. with him being gone? Him asking you to wait for an entire year, get back, and have things not work the way you plan on it? The relationship was rocky before, and its hard not to fall back into the same patterns... ? Its hard to word this right. I mean, maybe he thinks he is protecting you... by not "demanding" you wait for him? I think your letter was well written and I hope he understands that your willing to wait, and it makes him feel better about it.
    I don't know if that made sense.. LOL
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  10. me and 2010 are going to bffs!
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Amberlyn View Post
    Do you think maybe he does truely care for you, but is worried about what the next year will bring.. with him being gone? Him asking you to wait for an entire year, get back, and have things not work the way you plan on it? The relationship was rocky before, and its hard not to fall back into the same patterns... ? Its hard to word this right. I mean, maybe he thinks he is protecting you... by not "demanding" you wait for him? I think your letter was well written and I hope he understands that your willing to wait, and it makes him feel better about it.
    I don't know if that made sense.. LOL
    At first I felt that way too. And I know he doesn't want to get hurt. But I just can't see how he's okay with me being with another man just because he's gone. It makes me feel like he doesn't truely care, KWIM? I would never be okay with him being with other woman till my deployment was over.

    But I understand what you're saying. I just hope I get a good reply to my email.



    Rockellexo is my wifey loveyou rachypoo!

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