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Thread: Today's the day he leaves-Pre-deployment pushing away...turns to walking out

  1. Senior Member
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    #1

    Today's the day he leaves-Pre-deployment pushing away...turns to walking out

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    I'm lost....I look around and I see all of the love all of the laughter and joy that we had in this house and with eachother. It's like I see my life and him so differently that he sees what we had and have. The minute he decided to be open with me about his feelings is the same minute he decided to flush it all down the toilet...that seems to unfair not only to me and us but also to him. I'm trying so hard to stay open and offer him all the support in the world when all along i'm getting nothing back...He's coming today to get all of his stuff out of the house and is moving back to VA with his father. I know he's giving up without even a fight...and it's so painful. We had happiness in our life's not long ago...things on the outside looked and felt fine only two months ago. We were working together as a team on money issues and trying to get him transferred, there was a lot of playing around and laughter and now it's like my world crumbled around me and a whole new one has taken it's place. I don't understand it and I keep thinking back to when he told me about a time when he was getting deployed...was engaged and left her without a call a note or anything just went away...he told me then that he was pushing everything away so he could deal with the deployment he had ahead of him but if I bring up the deployment now and ask if that has something to do with this he tells me very agitated that I'm only trying to believe that because it's easier for me to think that then to realize that he doesn't want to put any effort into us. It hurts and I'm beginning to believe him but none of this makes any sense to me. The first time that he is honest with me about his feelings is the same time that he is walking out and giving up on everything that we built together. He's still asking so much of me...He wants me to take care of his dog while he's deployed and take care of his bills and I'm standing behind him and telling him that I will support him and do whatever he needs me to do but GAHHHHHHHHHHHH......

    Sorry this is so long winded....thanks for listening.
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    #2
    Hon, I'm sorry. That sucks. If I were you though...I wouldn't be doing the dog or the bills. If he is walking, essentially leaving the relationship, it's preventing you from moving on. Tell him his parents or friends can do that now. If he is taking no responsiblity you shouldn't either. It's not mean, just a boundary. Otherwise you won't be able to move on and you will be there waiting and hoping and nothing will change.
    [CENTER]"Be curious, not judgemental." -- Walt Whitman
  3. Looking for the sunshine...
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    #3
    Sounds as if he has serious committment issues. Why do you want to continue to stay in a one way relationship? Obviously he's decided it's easier to walk away then work through things. Is this the type of relationship you want long term? Imagine you get married and he walks away with every problem and you have to plead with him to return?
    I'd move forward. When he comes for his belongings hand him his dog and his bills and tell him that he can't have both....a faithful friend supporting him and no committments.
    He's being exceptionally selfish and you're allowing him to treat you in a disrespectful manner.

    You will survive this. It may take awhile but if you continue to stay attached you will never make the break and live your life.
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Jayo View Post
    Sounds as if he has serious committment issues. Why do you want to continue to stay in a one way relationship? Obviously he's decided it's easier to walk away then work through things. Is this the type of relationship you want long term? Imagine you get married and he walks away with every problem and you have to plead with him to return?
    I'd move forward. When he comes for his belongings hand him his dog and his bills and tell him that he can't have both....a faithful friend supporting him and no committments.
    He's being exceptionally selfish and you're allowing him to treat you in a disrespectful manner.

    You will survive this. It may take awhile but if you continue to stay attached you will never make the break and live your life.
    Thank you very much....and I probably wasn't very clear in the first post...but we are married. And regardless of that your absolutely right.

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