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Thread: I feel bad for my friend

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    #1

    I feel bad for my friend

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    A friend of mine was talking to someone she went to high school with, who is in the Marines. They met up again back in August, hung out when he was home on pre-deployment leave. A couple of weeks later, they make their relationship official. Then he left early October for his deployment. Since then, she's gotten a few short emails from him, but nothing really in-depth. She has decided it is time to move on, has known about it for almost 3 weeks now. I feel really bad for her, because I knew she was rushing into it very fast.
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    #3
    So he left just a couple of weeks ago, she's heard from him more than once but it wasn't anything 'in depth' so she's going to break it off? Is there more to this? Only because I thought it was good to hear ANYTHING from a deployed SO and that it could be a while before he has time to really get in depth with conversation on anything. He at least took the time to email her and isn't ignoring her?
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Melanie. View Post
    So he left just a couple of weeks ago, she's heard from him more than once but it wasn't anything 'in depth' so she's going to break it off? Is there more to this? Only because I thought it was good to hear ANYTHING from a deployed SO and that it could be a while before he has time to really get in depth with conversation on anything. He at least took the time to email her and isn't ignoring her?
    d
    Seems really soon to be "moving on". Deployments are hard, maybe she just isn't up for the whole no/little communication and all.
    I sometimes went for weeks without hearing from DB.

    You said she's know about it for 3 weeks now? It's only about the third week of October now! So basically after a week of his deployment, she decided that she didn't want any part of it and she didn't like it.

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    While it sounds like she's having a hard time dealing, it sounds like she may be being a little precipitate in just 'moving on.'
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    Quote Originally Posted by Melanie. View Post
    So he left just a couple of weeks ago, she's heard from him more than once but it wasn't anything 'in depth' so she's going to break it off? Is there more to this? Only because I thought it was good to hear ANYTHING from a deployed SO and that it could be a while before he has time to really get in depth with conversation on anything. He at least took the time to email her and isn't ignoring her?
    She says she's constantly asking him how he feels, what his feelings are, etc. She says that he skirts around the issues in his short emails. Now, I know he's in a place where it's a danger zone, and his first job is to keep himself safe. Some guys just aren't overly affectionate. He did ask her if she was coming to see him when he got back to the States, so I took that as a good sign. She didn't. She needs a guy to tell her that he misses her, to calm her fears, etc.

    And yes, it has been 3 weeks, she said she's been pretending to be happy since then, says he can't kiss, etc. All of this is why I believe that she rushed herself into this. Because she wanted to be happy.

    I am happy when I get short emails from my DB. Sure they aren't in-depth at times, but he takes the time to write me back, and to me, that says a lot.

    Quote Originally Posted by Honeybee View Post
    d
    Seems really soon to be "moving on". Deployments are hard, maybe she just isn't up for the whole no/little communication and all.
    I sometimes went for weeks without hearing from DB.

    You said she's know about it for 3 weeks now? It's only about the third week of October now! So basically after a week of his deployment, she decided that she didn't want any part of it and she didn't like it.
    I honestly think part of it is her confusion, that she thought she was ready for this kind of relationship and she's not. It does take some getting used to. We all know that. But we all have adapted to it, and have understood it. I go weeks without hearing from my DB, too, but when I do hear from him, it makes my day.

    I think it's sad that she is doing this. She made her status updates (about 20 a day) about him, how he was leaving, how she KNEW she was strong enough to wait it out, how she was "sexually deprived for our freedom." No, they haven't even done anything yet. Then she was going back and forth after I wrote this, about how she isn't sure if she should give him another chance, if she should give an old friend a try. I got so confused in what she was saying. I know this may sound mean, but knowing her as I do, I really think it's an attention thing. When a man shows her attention, she is into that man. But when the attention starts dropping off, she freaks, and starts looking for the next man. I say that also because of her status updates on FB, of how she always sounds when she's not happy.
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    Quote Originally Posted by faerielyght View Post
    While it sounds like she's having a hard time dealing, it sounds like she may be being a little precipitate in just 'moving on.'
    Oh, I agree, Sara! It shocked me last night when I heard her say that. Sure, deployments are hard (we all know that), but we pull ourselves together and keep trucking on. She just doesn't want to do it.

    She did say last night that her doctor told her that all the stress of this deployment (he just left), how her life, job, where she is going is up in the air gave her mono.
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    Quote Originally Posted by *Court* View Post
    She says she's constantly asking him how he feels, what his feelings are, etc. She says that he skirts around the issues in his short emails. Now, I know he's in a place where it's a danger zone, and his first job is to keep himself safe. Some guys just aren't overly affectionate. He did ask her if she was coming to see him when he got back to the States, so I took that as a good sign. She didn't. She needs a guy to tell her that he misses her, to calm her fears, etc.

    And yes, it has been 3 weeks, she said she's been pretending to be happy since then, says he can't kiss, etc. All of this is why I believe that she rushed herself into this. Because she wanted to be happy.

    I am happy when I get short emails from my DB. Sure they aren't in-depth at times, but he takes the time to write me back, and to me, that says a lot.



    I honestly think part of it is her confusion, that she thought she was ready for this kind of relationship and she's not. It does take some getting used to. We all know that. But we all have adapted to it, and have understood it. I go weeks without hearing from my DB, too, but when I do hear from him, it makes my day.

    I think it's sad that she is doing this. She made her status updates (about 20 a day) about him, how he was leaving, how she KNEW she was strong enough to wait it out, how she was "sexually deprived for our freedom." No, they haven't even done anything yet. Then she was going back and forth after I wrote this, about how she isn't sure if she should give him another chance, if she should give an old friend a try. I got so confused in what she was saying. I know this may sound mean, but knowing her as I do, I really think it's an attention thing. When a man shows her attention, she is into that man. But when the attention starts dropping off, she freaks, and starts looking for the next man. I say that also because of her status updates on FB, of how she always sounds when she's not happy.
    WTF? A second chance? This guy is emailing her and telling her good things, asking her if she's going to come visit!
    She's way too needy for this kind of relationship and she doesn't like that he isn't giving her the attention she wants. He's deployed and in a war zone, he won't always have time/the mindframe to sit around and be affectionate 100% of the time.

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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Honeybee View Post
    WTF? A second chance? This guy is emailing her and telling her good things, asking her if she's going to come visit!
    She's way too needy for this kind of relationship and she doesn't like that he isn't giving her the attention she wants. He's deployed and in a war zone, he won't always have time/the mindframe to sit around and be affectionate 100% of the time.
    A second chance for WHAT??? He hasn't done anything WRONG. Does she not realize a deployment is not a vacation? It's not like he can call her every day and spend hours telling her lovey dovey things!!! What the hell, he's at WAR, not a spa or a beach!
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    #10
    definitely for attention... its a good way to get it, to date a military man, especially one about to deploy.. huge pity party in the making if she wants one.. Its sad she pulled him into it tho..

    And I have never once had Mono.. LOL And I have been doing this for YEARS now!
    my sexy beast.. and me
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