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Thread: This article really spoke to me

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    #1

    This article really spoke to me

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    Are Butterflies in the Belly Really a Sign of Love?
    After a series of bad relationships, one woman put a moratorium on belly-dwelling winged insects, avoiding any man who even mildly affected her pulse. Which didn't really work, until a great guy sort of snuck up on her.

    By Penny Wrenn


    My boyfriend has given me a lot in the year-and-a-half we've been together: a belly rub when I ate an entire pepperoni pizza in one sitting, a flat-screen TV when my '80s model finally self-destructed, plus the usual jewelry, cards, and flowers. The one thing he never gave me was butterflies.

    Since sixth grade, the best way for me to gauge my attraction to a guy has been to check for a sense of anxiety bordering on torture, an ache that signals the countless ways in which I consider him out of my league — and thus worth pining for. It peaked in my 20s, when I met the black Dylan McKay — a sinewy, brooding, inscrutable bad boy.

    Our first encounter was all extended eye contact across the crowd, and a freak-out over whether he'd ask for my number. Forget butterflies — full-on birds knocked around in my stomach. But our three-year, on-and-off relationship crushed my self-esteem. When I found myself rummaging through his garbage for condom wrappers as proof of the sex he was having with other women, and even angling a steak knife at his throat due to some now-forgotten slight, I knew I'd fully entered crazy-bitch territory. So I cut him loose.

    Eventually, for reasons more complicated than dating drama, I started seeing a therapist, who proselytized against woozy love feelings, saying that butterflies was just another word for fear — fear of losing the guy. At first, I resented the implication that I might be one of those women who undercuts herself in pursuit of a man. Then I remembered the steak knife, and there was no "might be" about it: I put a moratorium on belly-dwelling winged insects, avoiding any man who even mildly affected my pulse. This strategy didn't get me very far, of course. After playing interested for one or two dates with a ho-hum but eager fellow, I couldn't bring myself to return his calls.

    Then a new guy showed up, and I barely noticed a flap as he went from occasionally asking me to dinner to making a surprise late-night run to Borders after I mentioned needing a book for work. Or when I sat dejectedly awaiting my turn in housing court and he filled my phone's inbox with supportive texts.

    He was dependable and unambiguous — everything I'd never wanted in a man. Then one day, I started singing "A Boy Like That" from West Side Story, and he joined in with a laughable Puerto Rican accent, straight out of the movie. And I finally felt ... butterflies? No, the opposite. Secure.
  2. i didn't realize that the USSR was back.
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    #2
    this is so true. thanks for sharing that


    I will miss you SOS...
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    #3
    aww...I never knew that to be honest. Thanks for sharing =)
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    #4
    wow..... this hits home. alot. thanks love <3 im glad you found this
    we kicked deployment #2's butt!

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    #5
    Love this! Db and I were friends for about 5 months and during that time I struggled with how I felt worrying that he was too boring, reliable and dependable. He never even tried to hold my hand. No game and definitely no butterflies at first at all. But he won me over with those very qualities I doubted and viola, love. Thanks for sharing.
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    #6
    Thank you for sharing this! This put into perspective how I have felt anyway since my divorce!
  7. I'm sorry for the things I said when I was hungry.
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    #7
    i LOVE this.




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    #8
    .
    Last edited by LoveKiss; 12-14-2009 at 04:52 PM.
  9. Yup I turned 30, and my clock ticks every now and again.
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    #9
    This is great! Thank you for posting this, and I am so glad to hear that things are going well with the new guy you.
    “Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.”
  10. i didn't realize that the USSR was back.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by LoveKiss View Post
    Since I started spending time with someone, I've been asking myself whether I really need the butterflies I was always chasing (also known as bad boys who take my breath away and leave me struggling for air). I think I'm finding out, like the author, that I don't. There's another way to go, one that isn't quite as dramatic, thrilling, uncertain, and ultimately destructive. It's quiet, safe, warm, and comforting. I'm not worried about when he'll call again or questioning where I stand. It's new territory for me, this whole tender security thing, but I'm already getting used to it. Anyway, it was just nice to see my thoughts and feelings validated by someone else's experience, especially since this is so different from everything in my past.
    yes!!! with my new SO I never wonder how he feels or where I stand in his life. And I don't have that underlying feel of dread that it will end at some point. kwim.


    I will miss you SOS...
    Please be wary of what you post remember OPSEC is not just another acronym.

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