To my ladies that their db's just stopped talking to them.... - Life After Love

AirmanHallsGirl · 03-07-2009, 09:53 AM

I have been to a couple of trainings these past two weeks on working with military families. I am a social work grad student and I have a passion in this area because I grew up in a military family and just about all the males in my family are military. (Then of course I dated exdb.) Also, my college ended up being paid for because my dad is a disabled veteran so it's kind of my way to use my education to give back. Anyways, I have a point. I promise. In these trainings, they kept talking about what our soldiers go through psychologically and physically and so on while being deployed. Something they kept talking about was how soldiers distance themselves from their relationships and families. So it got me thinking about my situation and all the other ladies on here that also had experience with their db just ending communication. I was wondering where that fine line is. What is the line of them distancing themselves because they may not be able to handle the pressures of their missions or whatever they are doing along with being in a relationship compared to just being to immature (because I think it's immature to end things in such a way considering we are all suppose to be adults). I don't know if this makes any sense or not.

Like exdb also has not been contacting his family. His mom and me would talk on messenger and compared the last time we had talk to him. Actually I have talked to her since he stopped communication with me. I didn't tell her about what is going on because I don't believe in getting parents involved in stuff like this, but I was curious to see what she would say to me. It seemed to me that she had no idea that he stopped talking to me. Anyways, usually I was the one that had talked to him most recent when we would compare the last time we had heard from him. He doesn't contact his family very much at all. Another thing is that he has leave time built up but has yet to come home. His parents has even asked him a million times about when he is coming home. When I would talk to him he would always tell me how he needed a break but he wont' take his leave time. It's just all so confusing.

Anyways, I guess the question is do you think them just ending communication has to do with their stressful jobs (and like I said, I kept hearing about how they distance themselves from people) or have we just found some guys who don't have the nerve to be up front and honest with us on why they are deleting us out of their lives? I really can't believe how many ladies on here that have been through the same thing as me. Anyways, sorry this is so long. I could probably go on and on about this.

mraynee88 · 03-07-2009, 09:57 AM

How long has he not been talking to you?

Sarebear26 · 03-07-2009, 10:33 AM

well I decided after oh 3 months and then a few weeks that i would walk away. I deserved a lil more. come to find out i wasn't the only girl he was with. and he also didn't talk with his family. till his mom passed and he didn't have a choice. no it wasn't his job it was him.. it made it quite easy for me to walk away. but now he has come back and its been pretty hard asking for the answers.

AirmanHallsGirl · 03-07-2009, 10:34 AM

Oh...for a few weeks now. I realized it was over by seeing that he deleted me off of his myspace and faceboook. It's the new cool way to break up with someone I guess.

mraynee88 · 03-07-2009, 10:38 AM

Honestly, I think you're just trying to keep hope that he still wants you and he's just trying to distance himself, and I don't think that's the case.

If he still loved you/wanted to be with you... you would hear from him. Even if he was distancing himself, that doesn't mean completely deleting you and ignoring you, KWIM?

I think you need to cut your losses and move on.

AirmanHallsGirl · 03-07-2009, 10:38 AM

Originally Posted by Sarebear26

well I decided after oh 3 months and then a few weeks that i would walk away. I deserved a lil more. come to find out i wasn't the only girl he was with. and he also didn't talk with his family. till his mom passed and he didn't have a choice. no it wasn't his job it was him.. it made it quite easy for me to walk away. but now he has come back and its been pretty hard asking for the answers.

Yeah, I am thinking in allot of the cases that it is the guys not their jobs. OH...and something else. I noticed that a girl that we went to high school with left him a comment on myspace (before he stopped talking to me). It didn't say anything bad and I didn't really think anything of it. WELL...after he stopped talking to me I did a little snooping and come to find out that she started dating someone. After that I saw where he deleted my comments and her one comment off of his page and he deleted her from his friends to. Makes me wonder if he was becoming interested in her so he stopped talking to me, but then it backfired because she started dating someone else. I have no clue though.

Sarebear26 · 03-07-2009, 10:41 AM

Originally Posted by AirmanHallsGirl

Yeah, I am thinking in allot of the cases that it is the guys not their jobs. OH...and something else. I noticed that a girl that we went to high school with left him a comment on myspace (before he stopped talking to me). It didn't say anything bad and I didn't really think anything of it. WELL...after he stopped talking to me I did a little snooping and come to find out that she started dating someone. After that I saw where he deleted my comments and her one comment off of his page and he deleted her from his friends to. Makes me wonder if he was becoming interested in her so he stopped talking to me, but then it backfired because she started dating someone else. I have no clue though.

chances are he was hiding something. thats why i stoped looking at my exs myspace. I just decided i wasn't going to hold on any longer and moved on. why guys act like douches is beyond me..

AirmanHallsGirl · 03-07-2009, 10:42 AM

Originally Posted by mraynee88

Honestly, I think you're just trying to keep hope that he still wants you and he's just trying to distance himself, and I don't think that's the case.

If he still loved you/wanted to be with you... you would hear from him. Even if he was distancing himself, that doesn't mean completely deleting you and ignoring you, KWIM?

I think you need to cut your losses and move on.

Oh no...I don't think that whatsoever. If he wants to talk to me he knows where to find me. He is fully capable of contacting me. Read where I quoted sarebear (sorry if I spelt the name wrong). I honestly think he started to like someone else and it back fired on him because the girl started dating someone else. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't have the courtesy to contact me. It's just like the movie "He's Just Not That Into You". It is so right on. If he wanted to be with me he would. The reason I posted this bulletin is because of what I kept hearing in the trainings.

Whitney. · 03-07-2009, 10:44 AM

i think there is a difference between distancing himself and completely shutting someone out of his life. stopping all contact without an explanation for more than a few days is not distancing imho.

golden20 · 03-07-2009, 01:36 PM

You know, i'm not in the military, but i have wanted to do the very same thing myself sometimes, and i have, it's as easy as turning the computer and my phone off. Sometimes people need space to find themselves again. It's rude, way of doing it, but sometimes people won't let you go and it's the only way. I think there is a big difference though between deleting you off myspace and not talking to you, and taking a sometime to find yourself. basically whatever the case, the guy is going through something.. and he wants to handle it alone and he can't be emotionally or physically ready for anyone. the way he handled it was immature and wrong, but you can't do anyything about it. i had it done to me, i freaked out, i called all the time, he didn't talk to me for 2 months, and when i stopped calling..he's calls started coming in again. they want to know that your there, it's scary feeling alone...catch and mouse. my best advice is, stop worrying about this emotional whatever journey hes taking and let it run it's course, when hes ready to talk to you, he will, and at that time you can acess your situation.

03-07-2009, 09:53 AM	#1 (permalink)
AirmanHallsGirl Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Me-Kokomo, Indiana Posts: 1,809 Blog Entries: 3 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 3% Longevity: 19%	To my ladies that their db's just stopped talking to them.... I have been to a couple of trainings these past two weeks on working with military families. I am a social work grad student and I have a passion in this area because I grew up in a military family and just about all the males in my family are military. (Then of course I dated exdb.) Also, my college ended up being paid for because my dad is a disabled veteran so it's kind of my way to use my education to give back. Anyways, I have a point. I promise. In these trainings, they kept talking about what our soldiers go through psychologically and physically and so on while being deployed. Something they kept talking about was how soldiers distance themselves from their relationships and families. So it got me thinking about my situation and all the other ladies on here that also had experience with their db just ending communication. I was wondering where that fine line is. What is the line of them distancing themselves because they may not be able to handle the pressures of their missions or whatever they are doing along with being in a relationship compared to just being to immature (because I think it's immature to end things in such a way considering we are all suppose to be adults). I don't know if this makes any sense or not. Like exdb also has not been contacting his family. His mom and me would talk on messenger and compared the last time we had talk to him. Actually I have talked to her since he stopped communication with me. I didn't tell her about what is going on because I don't believe in getting parents involved in stuff like this, but I was curious to see what she would say to me. It seemed to me that she had no idea that he stopped talking to me. Anyways, usually I was the one that had talked to him most recent when we would compare the last time we had heard from him. He doesn't contact his family very much at all. Another thing is that he has leave time built up but has yet to come home. His parents has even asked him a million times about when he is coming home. When I would talk to him he would always tell me how he needed a break but he wont' take his leave time. It's just all so confusing. Anyways, I guess the question is do you think them just ending communication has to do with their stressful jobs (and like I said, I kept hearing about how they distance themselves from people) or have we just found some guys who don't have the nerve to be up front and honest with us on why they are deleting us out of their lives? I really can't believe how many ladies on here that have been through the same thing as me. Anyways, sorry this is so long. I could probably go on and on about this. __________________ Wifey to the Singles' Club!

03-07-2009, 09:57 AM	#2 (permalink)
mraynee88 It may not be perfect, but it's all we got. Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Camp Lejeune Posts: 5,355 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 24%	How long has he not been talking to you? __________________

03-07-2009, 10:33 AM	#3 (permalink)
Sarebear26 On my own agin. Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Ohio Posts: 1,115 Blog Entries: 16 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 32%	well I decided after oh 3 months and then a few weeks that i would walk away. I deserved a lil more. come to find out i wasn't the only girl he was with. and he also didn't talk with his family. till his mom passed and he didn't have a choice. no it wasn't his job it was him.. it made it quite easy for me to walk away. but now he has come back and its been pretty hard asking for the answers. __________________ Clickem so they Hatch.

03-07-2009, 10:34 AM	#4 (permalink)
AirmanHallsGirl Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Me-Kokomo, Indiana Posts: 1,809 Blog Entries: 3 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 3% Longevity: 19%	Oh...for a few weeks now. I realized it was over by seeing that he deleted me off of his myspace and faceboook. It's the new cool way to break up with someone I guess. __________________ Wifey to the Singles' Club!

03-07-2009, 10:38 AM	#5 (permalink)
mraynee88 It may not be perfect, but it's all we got. Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Camp Lejeune Posts: 5,355 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 24%	Honestly, I think you're just trying to keep hope that he still wants you and he's just trying to distance himself, and I don't think that's the case. If he still loved you/wanted to be with you... you would hear from him. Even if he was distancing himself, that doesn't mean completely deleting you and ignoring you, KWIM? I think you need to cut your losses and move on. __________________

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03-07-2009, 10:44 AM	#9 (permalink)
Whitney. Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: St. Augustine, FL Posts: 4,450 Blog Entries: 2 Classifieds: (1) Activity: 63% Longevity: 23%	i think there is a difference between distancing himself and completely shutting someone out of his life. stopping all contact without an explanation for more than a few days is not distancing imho. __________________

03-07-2009, 01:36 PM	#10 (permalink)
golden20 Account Closed Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: City Posts: 1,682 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 35%	You know, i'm not in the military, but i have wanted to do the very same thing myself sometimes, and i have, it's as easy as turning the computer and my phone off. Sometimes people need space to find themselves again. It's rude, way of doing it, but sometimes people won't let you go and it's the only way. I think there is a big difference though between deleting you off myspace and not talking to you, and taking a sometime to find yourself. basically whatever the case, the guy is going through something.. and he wants to handle it alone and he can't be emotionally or physically ready for anyone. the way he handled it was immature and wrong, but you can't do anyything about it. i had it done to me, i freaked out, i called all the time, he didn't talk to me for 2 months, and when i stopped calling..he's calls started coming in again. they want to know that your there, it's scary feeling alone...catch and mouse. my best advice is, stop worrying about this emotional whatever journey hes taking and let it run it's course, when hes ready to talk to you, he will, and at that time you can acess your situation.