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Thread: What is going on with me?? (long)

  1. DvlDogGal104
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    What is going on with me?? (long)

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    DB has been home for almost two weeks. I've already almost dumped him and I can't really figure out if my reasons are justified. It may be a bunch of little things rolled into one, but mostly I'm not sure what he wants out of this.

    We both always said we never wanted to get married, but I think I changed my mind. I'm ready to settle down. He's still kind of in party mode (not by most people's definition, it's kind of hard to explain, but he goes out a bit more than I'd like and after the stories I've heard about his friends, I find myself going with him just to babysit and make sure he's being good). Then he tells me he sees pictures of me partying and wants me to be like that when we go out. It's not that I don't want to have fun, it's just that I'm TROUBLE when I do that. Relationships aren't something I'm used to or good at, but being single is and when DB and I go out, I'm very quiet because I don't want him to think I'm too flirtatious, etc. He knows how much of a party girl i was, he doesn't really need to witness it.

    He's also bringing up things to make me jealous, not as much anymore, but it was misreable for me (he ran into a girl at a convenient store he took to dinner when he was in school and they exchanged numbers so she could pay him back and buy him dinner and he was REALLY thinking of going.....then he tells me that "if I'm going to leave him, he wishes I would've done it before he left so he wouldn't have regrets for things he didn't do at training", I believe referring to a girl I had a "feeling" about, but he says it's referring to parties).

    Then he'll talk about wanting to be with me forever and getting a place together, BUT he's going to go to school a half hour away and getting a place there with roomates or on his own. He's got 2 years of school left. In 2 years, I'd like to be in a house together, married, having careers. Not hoping he'll settle down a bit. And I am SUPER, SUPER jealous. I keep freaking out about not being able to see each other often if he lives on or right by campus, hanging out with younger college kids (this is sort of a party school), not being able to see each other because I'm really busy and it's too far to drive as often as I'd like to see him, then he meets someone and they become friends and I lose because she's there and I'm not.

    I'm 26 and I have a child from a previous relationship. I don't want to wait around for my college boyfriend (and I really believe he would be like a typiaclly college guy...the bars, the drinking games, the parties, etc). I'm too old for that now, I did all that. I'm ready to have a really close relationship with a man (I want him to be my best friend) and settle down and start talking about a future together. He does not. And every time I try to discuss it, he thinks I'm going to leave him and he changes the topic. I don't feel as close to him as I want to be with my boyfriend. I also feel like I'm getting the wrong impression from him, for example saying I love you after a month and a half, but not ready to discuss potentially living together after 4 months together??? Talking about having your baby, but never wanting to get married? Saying I don't need to know everything going on in your life???--it's just not my ideal relationship. We should be CLOSE, we should share EVERYTHING. We should be INSEPERABLE! That's what I want. It's not what I'm getting. And I don't know if it's because I JUST turned 26 and have some health issues and my mind is just focusing on serious things. But truth is, I'm HALF ready to leave, and the other half of me says "wait it out, those things come with more time..."

    Am I overreacting?
    Last edited by DvlDogGal104; 04-29-2008 at 01:25 PM.
  2. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #2
    I don't really have any advice but I wanted to bump this so others could offer advice. It does sound like you have some solid concerns and you guys might be in two different places. I don't think you are over-reacting.
  3. DvlDogGal104
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    Awww, thanks. It sucks being torn. What's more important.....love or what you feel like things should be in a relationship? I love DB, but do I wait for something that I don't know will ever come?
  4. La vie boheme
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    #4
    I'm 22 with a child and I know how it would affect me if DF was doing those things..


    How old is your DB? and how long have you two been together?

    Let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth. - 1 John 3:18
  5. Senior Member
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    It sounds to me like you guys are at very different places in your lives. I'd say make a list of everything you want out of the relationship. Try letting him know just what you want/expect out of the relationship. You'll probably know what to do based on his reaction. If he still wants to party, maybe it's time for you to move on. Maybe once he hears it from you, he'll want to settle. Just be up front with him. (but at the same time, try not to make it sound like an ultimatum.)
  6. DvlDogGal104
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    Quote Originally Posted by *.:Hope:.* View Post
    I'm 22 with a child and I know how it would affect me if DF was doing those things..


    How old is your DB? and how long have you two been together?
    He's 25, we're coming up on 4 months.
  7. DvlDogGal104
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    Quote Originally Posted by c234 View Post
    It sounds to me like you guys are at very different places in your lives. I'd say make a list of everything you want out of the relationship. Try letting him know just what you want/expect out of the relationship. You'll probably know what to do based on his reaction. If he still wants to party, maybe it's time for you to move on. Maybe once he hears it from you, he'll want to settle. Just be up front with him. (but at the same time, try not to make it sound like an ultimatum.)
    I'm afraid he's going to hold it against me later. He'll choose me, but will resent me for it. There have been some big decisions he's had to make about some things in his life and I refused to tell him my opinion because of it. He eventually got it out of me, and made a decision that would best benefit this relationship. He still brings up that he's "...done so much for me". I don't want to be resented throughout this entire relationship.
  8. Am
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    #8
    Let him know what you expect/want but you can't pressure him into wanting it too. It sounds like you two are in very different places as far as what you want. There's no way to make him speed up to where you are right now. I think you just have to decide if it's worth it for you to stick with it and be there when that little switch flips and he's ready. Yall just need to talk it out. I hope everything works out!
  9. Account Closed
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    Quote Originally Posted by lemc81 View Post
    I don't really have any advice but I wanted to bump this so others could offer advice. It does sound like you have some solid concerns and you guys might be in two different places. I don't think you are over-reacting.
    i agree it seems you 2 may be in 2 different places...and maybe you just need to seriously talk with him.
  10. MikesWifey
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    You are a great girlfriend because I could never ever stay in a relationship like that. I am the type that wants to settle down like you are and Im extremely jealous too. If DF was partying all the time then I would have been left the relationship. He is not ready for a serious relationship girl and from experience you can not force someone because like you have mentioned above, he will bring it up later on if things start to not work out.
    All I can say is sit down and talk to him about it and see where he is coming from and what his thoughts are about the way you are feeling. The only thing thats hard about your situation is that one of the reasons he probably chose to be in the relationship is because you two have chosen to never get married. And if you change it up on him now, he might get angry.
    But like I said, just talk to him about it. If he still never wants to settle down you will probably never be happy with him. .
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