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Thread: He feels guilty.

  1. Old Newbie
    ohitsleigh's Avatar
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    #1

    Sad He feels guilty.

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    I figured if I posted in this section of the forum I'd get a bit more feed back than in Love Shack, and I would appreciate feedback, and for someone to reassure me it's just a bad phase and a bump in the road.

    I've never posted on this board. I suppose there's a first for everything, right?

    Apparently you can love someone too much and care about them too much. He broke up with me Tuesday night, via phone, because he's still at AIT in Georgia. He says he doesn't deserve me and I'm too good for him. He says he doesn't want to hurt me with all of the decisions he's going to have to make regarding his career in the military. I told him that return dates being pushed back and deployments aren't hurting me, what he did the other night by saying what he did hurt, it fucking broke my heart. I just hope he comes around.

    He says its guilt and he's been beating himself up over it and the fact that he can't give me everything I'm giving to him in return. But isn't that what you do when you love someone, you give every piece of yourself and sacrifice everything for that person. I told him I know he's strapped for time and has other obligations and I'm happy with what I'm getting from him, because it's something. Also, I know this situation he is in is NOT permanent- He's going to be home in like a month or two. I just don't get it.

    He'll be home in a month or two from AIT. The army is playing mind games with him and it doesn't help that he's a perfectionist. They tell him when he messes up with his leadership responsibilities "How does it feel to be human?" And he hates that. I just wish he wasn't taking this out on me, on us.

    Has anyone gone through this sort of thing? I just want someone to tell me that he's just cracking and going through a phase. I know he needs to realize stuff about himself, but Christ this hurts so fucking bad. I just want someone to assure me that it's going to be okay, that we're going to be okay once he gets home and we can see each other, he'll realize what's going on and that I'm there for him unconditionally, and the reason I do these things I do for him is because I love him, and I'm in love with him.

    I think in all this I should emphasize that he's not deploying, or is he active duty being stationed elsewhere. He's Nat. Guard Reserve. Coming home at the end of AIT gonna start school back up with me and do ROTC. I'm praying to God that this is a crazy phase and he gets out of it soon.

    I also told him that just because he's had shitty relationships in the past, that it is no excuse to throw away two plus years. I'm putting up a fight. I'm thinking about just keeping casual contact and then talking to him about "us" when he comes home, which will hopefully be soon.
  2. Banned
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    #2
    I actually have just went through this recently... Idk if your SO is going through the same situation that my SO was in.. But my DF gave me other reason... He is probably going through a hard time right know and the pressure is getting to him and he is just thinking about everything give him a minute to think about what he said... Keep talking to him while he is there... He will come around SO did real quick.. SO told me he was just going through a ruff time.. This may be your situation also.. Just keep talking to him tell him that you are hear for him and everything if he has a minute just talk to him.. tell him too wait when he comes home and you guys talk face to face.. Im sure he will come around before than.. I hope he does I know this is tough (im sorry your going through this) pm me if you want to talk>>>
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by ohitsleigh View Post
    I figured if I posted in this section of the forum I'd get a bit more feed back than in Love Shack, and I would appreciate feedback, and for someone to reassure me it's just a bad phase and a bump in the road.

    I've never posted on this board. I suppose there's a first for everything, right?

    Apparently you can love someone too much and care about them too much. He broke up with me Tuesday night, via phone, because he's still at AIT in Georgia. He says he doesn't deserve me and I'm too good for him. He says he doesn't want to hurt me with all of the decisions he's going to have to make regarding his career in the military. I told him that return dates being pushed back and deployments aren't hurting me, what he did the other night by saying what he did hurt, it fucking broke my heart. I just hope he comes around.

    He says its guilt and he's been beating himself up over it and the fact that he can't give me everything I'm giving to him in return. But isn't that what you do when you love someone, you give every piece of yourself and sacrifice everything for that person. I told him I know he's strapped for time and has other obligations and I'm happy with what I'm getting from him, because it's something. Also, I know this situation he is in is NOT permanent- He's going to be home in like a month or two. I just don't get it.

    He'll be home in a month or two from AIT. The army is playing mind games with him and it doesn't help that he's a perfectionist. They tell him when he messes up with his leadership responsibilities "How does it feel to be human?" And he hates that. I just wish he wasn't taking this out on me, on us.

    Has anyone gone through this sort of thing? I just want someone to tell me that he's just cracking and going through a phase. I know he needs to realize stuff about himself, but Christ this hurts so fucking bad. I just want someone to assure me that it's going to be okay, that we're going to be okay once he gets home and we can see each other, he'll realize what's going on and that I'm there for him unconditionally, and the reason I do these things I do for him is because I love him, and I'm in love with him.

    I think in all this I should emphasize that he's not deploying, or is he active duty being stationed elsewhere. He's Nat. Guard Reserve. Coming home at the end of AIT gonna start school back up with me and do ROTC. I'm praying to God that this is a crazy phase and he gets out of it soon.

    I also told him that just because he's had shitty relationships in the past, that it is no excuse to throw away two plus years.
    I'm putting up a fight. I'm thinking about just keeping casual contact and then talking to him about "us" when he comes home, which will hopefully be soon.
    I told DF the samething excepted I added that does not mean I will cheat on you like they did!!!!!!!!!
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    #4
    I'm not sure what to say right now but I really hope everything works out
  5. Old Newbie
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by HisHeart View Post
    I actually have just went through this recently... Idk if your SO is going through the same situation that my SO was in.. But my DF gave me other reason... He is probably going through a hard time right know and the pressure is getting to him and he is just thinking about everything give him a minute to think about what he said... Keep talking to him while he is there... He will come around SO did real quick.. SO told me he was just going through a ruff time.. This may be your situation also.. Just keep talking to him tell him that you are hear for him and everything if he has a minute just talk to him.. tell him too wait when he comes home and you guys talk face to face.. Im sure he will come around before than.. I hope he does I know this is tough (im sorry your going through this) pm me if you want to talk>>>

    I hope he comes around. Should I stop talking to him, no calling, no texts, until he initiates contact?
  6. only person you can save, is yourself
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    #6
    Don't cut contact. Say hi every now and then keep him updated on your life. Keep it a little short.. I know its not the same thing but DF got upset when he didn't receive emails from me at first because I had hand written the letters to send.. (he's deployed as you can tell) it may seem like he's pushing you away but he still needs the reassurance

    Good luck
  7. BJo
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    #7
    ugh, DH had this shittastic ex who cheated on him during bct. That realyl affected our relationship during the first deployment and it still does from time to time. He would get wishy washy and say he didn't want to make me wait during our 1st dep.(when he was DB). I stuck through it and stayed strong. Continue to remind him of your love and support. It sounds like he just wants some reassurance.
  8. who will drive my soul?
    OMG it's Andrea!'s Avatar
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    #8
    we went through it. but when he came home for leave we got back together.

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