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Thread: Going through the big D

  1. Not afraid to be lonely, but I still wanna learn about love.
    thekels9's Avatar
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    #1

    Going through the big D

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    One of my life goals was to never go through a divorce. Now I find myself in the midst of it, and I don't even have any say in it. The thoughts are just circling this morning. I don't know where to even begin. I told him the other day how proud I was to be an Army wife, that I would never trade it for a spot as a civilian wife, no matter how hard it was, and his response was "thank you so much, that means a lot to me." I told him that I was proud of him, that even though it was hard, he was being a man with morals in the military, that he wasn't giving in to the things that the guys around him were giving in to. His response, "it's because I love you so much." Were those just words? I know that's mostly what we've only had for our relationship, but I had faith in those words. How can someone give up that easily. Cut off the very thing that was the most true to him. He says he was never in love with me, so then how come his old boss before the Army said "you are ALL that he talks about. Ever since he started dating you, he's been so much happier." So how can I represent so much unhappiness to you now when I know that I brought you a lot of life's pleasures. I lost my virginity to you, the thing I only wanted to give the man that I'd spend the rest of my life with. All I can ask is how. How could a person do that?
  2. I piss excellence!!!!
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    #2
    I am sorry you are hurting
    Lvin my wifey INDPNDNTwomn05 FOREVER
  3. Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta
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    #3

    i hope you get through this however it's meant to be.
  4. my AOC truly makes me happy
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    #4
    :Hugs
  5. Not afraid to be lonely, but I still wanna learn about love.
    thekels9's Avatar
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    #5
    I saw rocking chairs and grandchildren.

    I saw retirement and traveling.

    I saw long deployments and short R&R's.

    I saw pride in a having a husband with the most honorable job on earth.

    I saw growing together and changing together.

    I saw children and toys, barbeques and birthday parties.

    I saw hardships and trials, happiness and blessings.

    I saw marriage and vows that meant we were true to our word.

    I saw falling in love over baseball games and laughter.

    I saw you. Or at least the you that I thought I knew.



    Maybe in seeing all these different things,

    I just never took the time to see you leaving me.

    I never took the time to see divorce.
  6. Banned
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    #6
    I am so sorry honey!!! I just don't understand Curtis...how can you be the one causing his unhappiness...you haven't hardly spent any time together...I think he needs to stop and think about why he is really unhappy and realize he is messing up a really good thing!!! You are staying very strong and mature about this whole situation...you are an amazing person!!! Don't you ever forget that!
  7. Not afraid to be lonely, but I still wanna learn about love.
    thekels9's Avatar
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by HeatherNichole View Post
    I am so sorry honey!!! I just don't understand Curtis...how can you be the one causing his unhappiness...you haven't hardly spent any time together...I think he needs to stop and think about why he is really unhappy and realize he is messing up a really good thing!!! You are staying very strong and mature about this whole situation...you are an amazing person!!! Don't you ever forget that!
    Thanks. I told him last night it wasn't me. It wasn't him. It wasn't us. It was our situation. But the more and more I look at it....maybe it was him AND the situation. I know I'm not perfect, but I told him I would go anywhere, to the outer banks of danger to make this marriage work. I at least would try.

    I told him a month or two ago about all the couples breaking up on here. He went on and on reassuring me that I wouldn't ever find myself going through that. YEAH RIGHT.
  8. Patiently waiting....
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    #8
    Maybe he got so used to not being around you and forgot what it's like to be with you? You know? I do that sometimes with my dh...I forget how great it can be with him. Maybe once you guys are able to spend everyday together it would be better...ya know? Hang in there girl...you are handling this in a very mature way
  9. Death Before Decaf!!
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    #9
    I'm so sorry. I just don't know what else to say
    "Wine is proof that God loves us and wants to see us happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin~
  10. Not afraid to be lonely, but I still wanna learn about love.
    thekels9's Avatar
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by crumper07 View Post
    Maybe he got so used to not being around you and forgot what it's like to be with you? You know? I do that sometimes with my dh...I forget how great it can be with him. Maybe once you guys are able to spend everyday together it would be better...ya know? Hang in there girl...you are handling this in a very mature way
    Thanks. I honestly think though that until God completely changes his heart, Curtis will do anything and everything in his power to avoid me. I saw him two weeks ago, and I asked him last night if he was unhappy even then when he was with me, and he said yes. He shouldn't be in the Army then, he should be in Hollywood as an actor, because it fooled me. I just pray now that I am not pregnant, because I would hate to think that the baby came to be in an intimate act between two married people where one person wasn't in love with the other. Despite my maturity in the situation, he is obviously very lacking in that area. His aunt talked to me this morning, referring to him as their little tornado - tearing apart anything that comes in his way, and this time, it was a life and a family.

    But.....if it was up to me, I'd be doing everything in my power to make us work. I can't exactly drag him to therapy. Mostly since we're bookoo's of miles apart. I wish there was a way I could contact a chaplain at his current location and see what they could do on their end. Haha, is there any way they can be forced into mandatory counseling?
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