We Broke Up

[Manda]

I'm pretty new here, as you can probably see by my post count, I've read a lot more here in the past before joining and I just don't post much but finally decided to. Anway . . .

Last Tueday when my boyfriend was walking me home he asked me where I saw our relationsip going. I didn't know exactly how to answer him at the time, I was kinda shocked at the question. I like him and see a future with him but we'd have a year of long distance stuff while he's down in flight school for the navy. He talked and pretty much said that he didn't want to do the long distance thing (he said sometimes those things work out) and that we should end our relationship now before it got deeper and harder to end. He said that all our friends are getting married and that their lives seem to fit together and our don't exactly. I think that's his main problem. What he meant by that was a lot of our friend are getting married this summer, they either are both graduating and getting married or one couple one is graduating and the other is still in school but the one has a job in the same town as our college. I was talking to my roommate about all this and she said something about how he might just be freaking out right now realizing how close he is to "real life" and just didn't know what to do. As soon as he graduates he gets commissioned into and will be committing to 8 years. I don't know if someone said something that triggered this or where he got it from.

He still wants to spend time together like we used to and be friends. I want to talk to him more about all this, I really didn't know what to say that night. I guess I want to find out if the LDR is the only reason why he doesn't see us together. I couldn't think of what to say that night, I was so shocked I think because nothing hinted toward this at all. Just two days before he was talking to my roommate about what he was going to do for my birthday (which was about a week away at that time) and about how we were going to go up early to her wedding together since he's in it and I didn't want to make the trip alone. Then he brings this up, I just don't know where it came from.

Like I said, he's graduating (college) next year (May 2009) and I'm graduating May 2010 (I'm supposed to be done this year) because of the way my classes are turning out, you have to take one in order to take another and then they are only offered during a certain semester, etc. I got to thinking after all this, I may be able to get the fall semester (2009) with no classes and just work as a substitute teacher, with that I should have a pretty flexible schedule and be able to travel to see him all I want. Then come spring 2010 I would student teach, I would be subject to the breaks of my school there but it's only for 10 weeks.

I guess I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice. Did anyone go through something similar? Like I said, I want to talk to him more about it but I don't really know what to say now. I called him yesterday but he didn't call me back, I left a message because he was in class. We saw each other Sunday and I asked him about his Easter and time at home but didn't talk much besides that, he teased me a little like he used to also. I was going to talk to him then but he left with his roommate and I didn't get a chance to. But for now we're over. I'm better this week than I was last week but I still just want to talk to him more.

[CarLooSHoo]

All I can say is some people aren't meant to be in long distance relationships. And maybe he's one of them? If you can still talk to him about it, then I'd do it. Maybe he is just freaking out, and doesn't know what else to do. Many guys push themselves away from relationships if they know they won't be there.

But good luck to you and I hope everything works out.

[Foreverhis]

A good majority of us on here are in long distance relationships of some type. For it to work in my experience you really need to be in love and commited because it is hard work expecially with adding the military lifestyle. I think you should at the very least talk about this with him further. Good luck!!

[mrswhitley07]

im sorry! but me and my DH now had a long distance relationship we met and i didnt see him again for a year! but we made it! i guess you just have to work at it if you really want it! but im glad that we stuck it out! i mean dont get me wrong we had our fights and our "breaks" but now were married and im the happiest ive ever been!

[timsgurl1776]

I agree with the ladies. Long distance takes a lot of commitment from both people. Further, neither one of you should be basing what you do in your relationship off of what others are doing, such as getting married. You both need to listen to each other because really those are the only two people that matter. You are a whole lot better than I am. I was never friends with my exs. I hated when they said "lets be friends". My response to them was, "If we don't work in a relationship then you loose my friendship also". I like to let go of all my old baggage Made me a whole lot happier in the end I know you will be alright

[mimismiley]

I think he is just scared of how the future will turn out. It might be good if he talks to someone that has coped well with their own longdistance relationship. You are still the same people and it appears to me that you both still love eachother. Try to talk to him if you still want to be part of his life. Good luck.

[Zoe]

I guess the only thing you can do in this situation is talk - communication is the only thing that gets you through a long distance relationship!

I dont know how long you've been together, or if you are in love but Im not gonna sugar coat it for you, a long distance relationship takes an effort like no other! My boyfriend and I have had to overcome different states, different countries (I am english, him Texan!) and now we are dealing with his first deployment that has sent me spiralling into someone i dont recognise! ive suffered panic attacks, bouts of depression - all things ive never had before! but i promise you not once as bad as it has got have i questioned us as a couple! even when friends and family question it!!

so like i said, if you truely want him, and you really want to work as a couple - talk!! listen to your heart and be really honest cause at times that is all you have!!

deep down you know! - forget about the logistics, yes they make it difficult but if you are meant to be with some one you will make it work!!

Know that every single women on here has been right where you are now.....we faced what you are facing and we all chose to commit and you know what i would say just looking at the ladies profiles on here, we all made the right choice!!
: )

so good luck with the talk and if you need us we are all here!!

[goldilockz]

Finish your school the way you planned. Don't compromise your education. If the relationship is meant to work out, it will survive this. Talk to him and tell him how you're feeling, but please don't abbreviate your education.

[Manda]

Originally Posted by timsgurl1776 I agree with the ladies. Long distance takes a lot of commitment from both people. Further, neither one of you should be basing what you do in your relationship off of what others are doing, such as getting married. You both need to listen to each other because really those are the only two people that matter. You are a whole lot better than I am. I was never friends with my exs. I hated when they said "lets be friends". My response to them was, "If we don't work in a relationship then you loose my friendship also". I like to let go of all my old baggage Made me a whole lot happier in the end I know you will be alright

Thanks, we were friends before we started dating, I'm sure it will be a little weird but we'll work around it. We have mutual friends that we've always done stuff with, my roommate and his roommate are engaged to each other and in the same major as he is so we're always together, we go to the same church and are from the same home town and on top of all that he's one of the few people that is still going to be around this summer that I am friend with. I guess maybe seeing him somewhat often won't really help with the getting rid of old baggage thing but I don't want to lose his friendship at the same time.

Originally Posted by mimismiley I think he is just scared of how the future will turn out. It might be good if he talks to someone that has coped well with their own longdistance relationship. You are still the same people and it appears to me that you both still love eachother. Try to talk to him if you still want to be part of his life. Good luck.

Thanks, I have a navy friend (they are kinda friends too, he's helped him with some classes and stuff) who is in a long distance relationship right now. Maybe I'll talk to him a little about some of this and see if he'll talk to Ben some too. I do still love him and I do want to be a part of his life still. I'm just waiting for him to talk to me now, I left him a message and I'm assuming he got it, it just seems kinda weird for him not to call back, it's not like him.

Originally Posted by goldilockz Finish your school the way you planned. Don't compromise your education. If the relationship is meant to work out, it will survive this. Talk to him and tell him how you're feeling, but please don't abbreviate your education.

Oh, I'm not planning on stopping my schooling. The thing is I only have three classes left to take after this coming fall semester but they have to be taken in order. So this fall (2008) I'll take my full course load that I have scheduled, then spring 2009 I have a block of two classes to take that have to be taken before I can take that last one which would be in the fall of 2009 before I can student teach in spring 2010. But I want to try to see if they will let me take that one while I'm taking that block class. That would leave me with the whole fall 2009 semester to work and travel to see him pretty much whenever I wanted. I don't know if that would work out or not but it's going to be a pain to just have to take one class that semester. I don't know if all that made any sense at all.

[OMG it's Andrea!]

i agree that LDR is hard. joe and i went through the same thing. we broke up before he left for BCT. i think all you can do is just talk. communicate. he may just not be ready for a relationship and dealing with the navy all at once.