making myself not a b*tch - Life After Love

sailors_lady · 03-10-2008, 11:41 AM

sorry for this being so long..

Well 2wks ago Jose was real busy all week so we had very little time to talk.. and He promised me that he would talk to me all day Saturday. So i got my hopes and was super excited, and when saturday finally came.. He was drinking with his friends and hella blew me off. I mentioned it to him and He said sorry and he would talk to me more like he promised... but he said through text. So i texted him and 4 hours later, he replies with thats cool. i mentioned it again.. And the same thing happened. I told him that i was getting upset because he told me something and went back on it. And he got mad and told me that I'm killing his mood... and we got into a little argument and he hung up on me and turned off his phone. And called me back about 3hours later and told me that hes going to bed. And on sunday morning he called me and said that he isnt sure if he wants to be with me anymore, because i'm becoming a real *****... that I'm not the girl who he met and I'm not even the girl who went to go visit him during his graduation weekend.

Well since then he has been talking me to me very little. He doesnt call or text me in the morning to tell me good morning. He calls me during his lunch but our half an hour turned into.. I only have a few mins to talk. And he used to call me when he got out of school around 3pm and now around 5pm I'll get a text message saying that he has alot of things to do and he'll call me later.. then he calls me 3hours later to tell me that he is going to bed.

I mentioned this to him to... I asked him what was up and he said nothing. And then he started talking about how he cant wait to go on Spring Break to Flordia with his friends.

I texted him Saturday night about this and it was sorta of a mess because I was drinking and so was he. He said since he got to A-School, that I have been so rude and mean to him. That he cant take it anymore.. that he dreads talking to me! That I've changed so much and he cant stand it. That I hurt him... He said that he can stand phyiscal pain but emotional and mental pain he cant. and lately thats all I have been giving him... That he cant deal with stress and that is all I am lately. And i tried calling him and he said he didnt want to talk to me and that he was just going to go to bed.

I tried talking to him yesterday and he had practice and he went to the mall with friends then when he called I was having dinner with a few friends. So we still havent talked much.. I've been getting up really early and texting him Good Morning but i get no reply.

I'm super nervous that he's going to break up with me.. When I went to Great Lakes for the grad, everything was perfect! And now.. were falling apart.

He said that I'm a ***** now.. that I'm not the sweet girl he fell for. I want to try and change my attitude from being a ***** to the way I used to be.. I've changed alot since he left though.. I was more carefree and now I'm always worried about him and all...

Have you girls gone through this transition at all? And any tips please on how to be more positive? My friend offered me to go to chruch but I've never been into going to chruch... I tried looking for therpst and the they are so expensive. I was going to try keeping a journal or reading books.. any help would be great girls! Thanks because I really dont want him to look at me as being a downer..

Bethany · 03-10-2008, 11:55 AM

and

that things get better with you and DB!

If you need to talk, you can always pm me!

BJo · 03-10-2008, 12:54 PM

Well first of all, you are allowed to be frustrated. Try to turn your frustration into communication so that it doesn't come off as being *****y or nagging him. This is something that can easily be resolved!

PrincessBlue505 · 03-10-2008, 01:18 PM

Sounds like he wants to live the single life instead of communicating with u when he can and he is getting all pissy that u get upset about that! U have every right to be upset about the way he's been acting and it sounds like he wants his cake and to be able to eat it too by putting u on the back burner and not wanting to hear about u being upset about it.

Hopefully he comes around.

~~SimpleIntent~~ · 03-10-2008, 01:26 PM

Originally Posted by PrincessBlue505

Sounds like he wants to live the single life instead of communicating with u when he can and he is getting all pissy that u get upset about that! U have every right to be upset about the way he's been acting and it sounds like he wants his cake and to be able to eat it too by putting u on the back burner and not wanting to hear about u being upset about it.

Hopefully he comes around.

tinsygrl · 03-10-2008, 01:28 PM

golden20 · 03-10-2008, 05:39 PM

well this is exactly what happened to me, pretty much.
and he broke up with me.
i think it easier when you are away from someone, and you can't have someone if they make you out to be a HUGE *****, and say you've changed all this stuff, it makes them feel better for them, but for you it's awful.
i would just make him realize what it's like when you don't say good morning everyday, when you don't wait around for his phone calls all day. see the thing is, he counts on you ALWAYS being there, he expects you do always want to talk, always want to care, but you won't always be there. And you won't be there to serve him hand and foot when he treats like **** and ignores you all day. Show him that, and it will probably scare him and he will treat you with more respect.

Proud Priester · 03-11-2008, 12:28 AM

I can't believe he's doing this after all the years you've been together. I definately don't think you should give up now..I think the only way you're going to get the chance to get all your thoughts and feelings out to him (in a calm, cool manor..don't lash out any blame on his or your part) is to email him or write him a letter. I know they have a rec center down there...and I also think you should try the church thing.

You know you can call or email me anytime.

Philsgurl · 03-11-2008, 12:41 AM

Originally Posted by PrincessBlue505

Sounds like he wants to live the single life instead of communicating with u when he can and he is getting all pissy that u get upset about that! U have every right to be upset about the way he's been acting and it sounds like he wants his cake and to be able to eat it too by putting u on the back burner and not wanting to hear about u being upset about it.

Hopefully he comes around.

I totally agree!!

thekels9 · 03-11-2008, 08:53 PM

This is the kind of thing that happens a lot with DH and I. For a while we were getting into little arguments about stupid stupid stuff just because of the fact that we weren't getting any real genuine time to one another. So then we would try and schedule things like phone dates where we would both set aside our time for one another...and that didn't work either. I don't have an answer for you....all I can say is I've been in your shoes too. I hope you can both have a nice long chat about all of this though at some point!!

03-10-2008, 11:41 AM	#1 (permalink)
sailors_lady Loves Joser :) Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Me-Hollister,Ca & Him-Port Hueneme Posts: 218 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 35%	*making myself not a btch sorry for this being so long.. Well 2wks ago Jose was real busy all week so we had very little time to talk.. and He promised me that he would talk to me all day Saturday. So i got my hopes and was super excited, and when saturday finally came.. He was drinking with his friends and hella blew me off. I mentioned it to him and He said sorry and he would talk to me more like he promised... but he said through text. So i texted him and 4 hours later, he replies with thats cool. i mentioned it again.. And the same thing happened. I told him that i was getting upset because he told me something and went back on it. And he got mad and told me that I'm killing his mood... and we got into a little argument and he hung up on me and turned off his phone. And called me back about 3hours later and told me that hes going to bed. And on sunday morning he called me and said that he isnt sure if he wants to be with me anymore, because i'm becoming a real *... that I'm not the girl who he met and I'm not even the girl who went to go visit him during his graduation weekend. Well since then he has been talking me to me very little. He doesnt call or text me in the morning to tell me good morning. He calls me during his lunch but our half an hour turned into.. I only have a few mins to talk. And he used to call me when he got out of school around 3pm and now around 5pm I'll get a text message saying that he has alot of things to do and he'll call me later.. then he calls me 3hours later to tell me that he is going to bed. I mentioned this to him to... I asked him what was up and he said nothing. And then he started talking about how he cant wait to go on Spring Break to Flordia with his friends. I texted him Saturday night about this and it was sorta of a mess because I was drinking and so was he. He said since he got to A-School, that I have been so rude and mean to him. That he cant take it anymore.. that he dreads talking to me! That I've changed so much and he cant stand it. That I hurt him... He said that he can stand phyiscal pain but emotional and mental pain he cant. and lately thats all I have been giving him... That he cant deal with stress and that is all I am lately. And i tried calling him and he said he didnt want to talk to me and that he was just going to go to bed. I tried talking to him yesterday and he had practice and he went to the mall with friends then when he called I was having dinner with a few friends. So we still havent talked much.. I've been getting up really early and texting him Good Morning but i get no reply. I'm super nervous that he's going to break up with me.. When I went to Great Lakes for the grad, everything was perfect! And now.. were falling apart. He said that I'm a * now.. that I'm not the sweet girl he fell for. I want to try and change my attitude from being a *** to the way I used to be.. I've changed alot since he left though.. I was more carefree and now I'm always worried about him and all... Have you girls gone through this transition at all? And any tips please on how to be more positive? My friend offered me to go to chruch but I've never been into going to chruch... I tried looking for therpst and the they are so expensive. I was going to try keeping a journal or reading books.. any help would be great girls! Thanks because I really dont want him to look at me as being a downer.. __________________

03-10-2008, 11:55 AM	#2 (permalink)
Bethany Navy Fiance Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Me:MA Him:CA Posts: 743 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 1% Longevity: 33%	and that things get better with you and DB! If you need to talk, you can always pm me! __________________ Engaged To My Sailor 10/03/08

03-10-2008, 01:18 PM	#4 (permalink)
PrincessBlue505 Loving being a MOMMY!!! Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Pensacola, Florida Posts: 4,748 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 8% Longevity: 65%	Sounds like he wants to live the single life instead of communicating with u when he can and he is getting all pissy that u get upset about that! U have every right to be upset about the way he's been acting and it sounds like he wants his cake and to be able to eat it too by putting u on the back burner and not wanting to hear about u being upset about it. Hopefully he comes around. __________________

03-11-2008, 12:28 AM	#8 (permalink)
Proud Priester Texas Made Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Everett, WA Posts: 238 Blog Entries: 1 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 13% Longevity: 33%	I can't believe he's doing this after all the years you've been together. I definately don't think you should give up now..I think the only way you're going to get the chance to get all your thoughts and feelings out to him (in a calm, cool manor..don't lash out any blame on his or your part) is to email him or write him a letter. I know they have a rec center down there...and I also think you should try the church thing. You know you can call or email me anytime. __________________

03-11-2008, 08:53 PM	#10 (permalink)
thekels9 Not afraid to be lonely, but I still wanna learn about love. Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: TX Posts: 7,350 Blog Entries: 2 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 25% Longevity: 39%	This is the kind of thing that happens a lot with DH and I. For a while we were getting into little arguments about stupid stupid stuff just because of the fact that we weren't getting any real genuine time to one another. So then we would try and schedule things like phone dates where we would both set aside our time for one another...and that didn't work either. I don't have an answer for you....all I can say is I've been in your shoes too. I hope you can both have a nice long chat about all of this though at some point!! __________________

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03-10-2008, 12:54 PM	#3 (permalink)
BJo Account Closed Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Your mom Posts: 25,363 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 13% Longevity: 39%	Well first of all, you are allowed to be frustrated. Try to turn your frustration into communication so that it doesn't come off as being *****y or nagging him. This is something that can easily be resolved!

03-10-2008, 01:28 PM	#6 (permalink)
tinsygrl Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 3,501 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 48% Longevity: 40%

03-10-2008, 05:39 PM	#7 (permalink)
golden20 Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: City Posts: 1,656 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 16% Longevity: 31%	well this is exactly what happened to me, pretty much. and he broke up with me. i think it easier when you are away from someone, and you can't have someone if they make you out to be a HUGE ***, and say you've changed all this stuff, it makes them feel better for them, but for you it's awful. i would just make him realize what it's like when you don't say good morning everyday, when you don't wait around for his phone calls all day. see the thing is, he counts on you ALWAYS being there, he expects you do always want to talk, always want to care, but you won't always be there. And you won't be there to serve him hand and foot when he treats like ** and ignores you all day. Show him that, and it will probably scare him and he will treat you with more respect.