I get so annoyed - Life After Love

Veronica · 02-21-2008, 11:22 PM

at myself...and the situation I've got on my hands. Some days I'm so strong and so over the entire thing...other days, my heart breaks again.

I havent gone into details really, but before we were married he cheated. A LOT. he likes to say we were "just friends" so it wasnt cheating, but I was in a monogamous relationship w/him. but it was only me. for two years. when I finally put my foot down he did a complete 180 and we spent almost 2 years w/him sticking to this change.

We got married and he left to boot camp a few weeks later. Then he cheated 2 months into our marriage. I knew it happened, but he didnt admit it to me untill 2 years later.

Then we spent 5 and a half years having a baby and trying to find a niche for ourselves as parents, as indivduals and as a married couple. I wasnt happy. He wasnt happy. He left on a det to the bahamas, called me a week into it, ready to end our marriage. Turns out there WAS someone else. Says he didnt take it to the next level till AFTER I left his ass, but I dont buy that one bit. My gut tells me it went to the next level as soon as he called me from the bahamas.
In his jacked up mind he was single then. He's already started seeing this other woman, who by the way I busted at my house a few days before I moved out.
She was outside in her car, but I still wanted to beat the living **** out of her...

well now they've "broken up", and during this entire thing, he's called me, still tells me he loves me, misses me...It makes me want to

I'm so tired of his games, I just want to be strong enough to let go...BUT I love him very much, and I do miss him. I just dont know if I can ever trust him again. I barely trusted him before. I just feel so confused sometimes...I want my family together, but at what cost? I feel so bad for my dd, she cries for him sometimes...he has missed sooo much already in the 3 months we've been gone. He's supposed to come home on leave in June. He'll get off the ship in SD and then take leave from there...I'm so torn about that too. I'm excited to see him, but when I think of him touching me, my skin crawls...can you really love someone w/so much of your soul, and hate them just as much?

familyof4 · 02-21-2008, 11:55 PM

Wow... I am so sorry. I really dont know what to say as I have never gone through any of this. But I just wanted to say stay strong and do what you think is best for you and your little girl

Victoria · 02-22-2008, 12:04 AM

Honestly Veronica, you have to learn how to forgive, otherwise all the guilt, anger, etc is going to eat you alive!!!

Forgiving is the first step, if you indeed want to make your marriage work again...

HUGS!!!!!

Evergleem · 02-22-2008, 12:10 AM

I"m sorry you have to go through something like this. You and your daughter don't deserve to be treated this way. I know it's hard for me to give advice when I've never been in the same situation, but I will ask this: If he's done this sort of thing twice before, do you really think he's going to change?

tinsygrl · 02-22-2008, 12:13 AM

I'm soo sorry you are going through this I hope you find a common ground weither it's together or apart for the sake of your daughter!

~~HEIDI~~ · 02-22-2008, 12:21 AM

Yes, you can.... That is how I was with my ex.... Hang in there sweetheart!

Veronica · 02-22-2008, 12:30 AM

Originally Posted by Victoria

Honestly Veronica, you have to learn how to forgive, otherwise all the guilt, anger, etc is going to eat you alive!!!

Forgiving is the first step, if you indeed want to make your marriage work again...

HUGS!!!!!

see thats the thing...I never forgave him in the first place...and I went and married him. Now I just dont know if I want him...part of me does, desperately...and part of me wants to kick him in the balls and fight for full custody of my daughter.

I'm just so confused...

Veronica · 02-22-2008, 12:31 AM

Thanks girls. I feel a little better getting some of it off my chest.

BJo · 02-22-2008, 12:35 AM

you are incredibly strong for going through this. I can't tell you what to do but do you think that counseling could help him. I know how hard it is to let someone go who you love so much but if you two are going to try to work this out he needs to know that there are ramifications to his behavior.

Veronica · 02-22-2008, 12:37 AM

I'm not suggesting counseling to him...we're split up and since we're not discussing reconcilliation right now, my focus is myself and my dd.

02-21-2008, 11:22 PM	#1 (permalink)
Veronica Single and Lovin' it! Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 6,003 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 58%	I get so annoyed at myself...and the situation I've got on my hands. Some days I'm so strong and so over the entire thing...other days, my heart breaks again. I havent gone into details really, but before we were married he cheated. A LOT. he likes to say we were "just friends" so it wasnt cheating, but I was in a monogamous relationship w/him. but it was only me. for two years. when I finally put my foot down he did a complete 180 and we spent almost 2 years w/him sticking to this change. We got married and he left to boot camp a few weeks later. Then he cheated 2 months into our marriage. I knew it happened, but he didnt admit it to me untill 2 years later. Then we spent 5 and a half years having a baby and trying to find a niche for ourselves as parents, as indivduals and as a married couple. I wasnt happy. He wasnt happy. He left on a det to the bahamas, called me a week into it, ready to end our marriage. Turns out there WAS someone else. Says he didnt take it to the next level till AFTER I left his ass, but I dont buy that one bit. My gut tells me it went to the next level as soon as he called me from the bahamas. In his jacked up mind he was single then. He's already started seeing this other woman, who by the way I busted at my house a few days before I moved out. She was outside in her car, but I still wanted to beat the living **** out of her... well now they've "broken up", and during this entire thing, he's called me, still tells me he loves me, misses me...It makes me want to I'm so tired of his games, I just want to be strong enough to let go...BUT I love him very much, and I do miss him. I just dont know if I can ever trust him again. I barely trusted him before. I just feel so confused sometimes...I want my family together, but at what cost? I feel so bad for my dd, she cries for him sometimes...he has missed sooo much already in the 3 months we've been gone. He's supposed to come home on leave in June. He'll get off the ship in SD and then take leave from there...I'm so torn about that too. I'm excited to see him, but when I think of him touching me, my skin crawls...can you really love someone w/so much of your soul, and hate them just as much? __________________ We wont buy, while cats and dogs die. Save a life...get a shelter animal. YUM...

02-21-2008, 11:55 PM	#2 (permalink)
familyof4 Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Reno Nevada Posts: 4,214 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 25% Longevity: 81%	Wow... I am so sorry. I really dont know what to say as I have never gone through any of this. But I just wanted to say stay strong and do what you think is best for you and your little girl __________________

02-22-2008, 12:10 AM	#4 (permalink)
Evergleem Soon to be a mommy! Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Fort Benning, GA Posts: 57 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 37%	I"m sorry you have to go through something like this. You and your daughter don't deserve to be treated this way. I know it's hard for me to give advice when I've never been in the same situation, but I will ask this: If he's done this sort of thing twice before, do you really think he's going to change? __________________

02-22-2008, 12:31 AM	#8 (permalink)
Veronica Single and Lovin' it! Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 6,003 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 58%	Thanks girls. I feel a little better getting some of it off my chest. __________________ We wont buy, while cats and dogs die. Save a life...get a shelter animal. YUM...

02-22-2008, 12:37 AM	#10 (permalink)
Veronica Single and Lovin' it! Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 6,003 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 58%	I'm not suggesting counseling to him...we're split up and since we're not discussing reconcilliation right now, my focus is myself and my dd. __________________ We wont buy, while cats and dogs die. Save a life...get a shelter animal. YUM...

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02-22-2008, 12:04 AM	#3 (permalink)
Victoria Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 34,195 Classifieds: (1) Activity: 96% Longevity: 55%	Honestly Veronica, you have to learn how to forgive, otherwise all the guilt, anger, etc is going to eat you alive!!! Forgiving is the first step, if you indeed want to make your marriage work again... HUGS!!!!!

02-22-2008, 12:13 AM	#5 (permalink)
tinsygrl Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 3,501 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 48% Longevity: 40%	I'm soo sorry you are going through this I hope you find a common ground weither it's together or apart for the sake of your daughter!

02-22-2008, 12:21 AM	#6 (permalink)
~~HEIDI~~ Banned Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 16,260 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 98%	Yes, you can.... That is how I was with my ex.... Hang in there sweetheart!

02-22-2008, 12:35 AM	#9 (permalink)
BJo Account Closed Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Your mom Posts: 25,363 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 13% Longevity: 39%	you are incredibly strong for going through this. I can't tell you what to do but do you think that counseling could help him. I know how hard it is to let someone go who you love so much but if you two are going to try to work this out he needs to know that there are ramifications to his behavior.