What To Do????

[booder]

Hi all- I actually found this site looking for guidance or something to help me sort out all these feelings I have racing through my head. I just found out that while overseas my guy cheated on me. Granted it is almost 6 months later from the incident but the girl still emails him and calls all the way from Saudi!!! He says he did it just because he was bored and needed company but I tried so hard to keep this from happening. I was always available for his calls, sent packages, didn't freak out when he was hanging out. I'm just so heartbroken I asked him to be honest and just tell me about anything before he came back but he lied and then I have to deal with this months later. I just feel so deceived and alone. He is acting like I should just get over it because it is over and she is so far away. I don't understand why he can't see that it still hurts, particularly since I gave him an opportunity to come clean. I just don't think he is as committed to the relationship as I am, I never cheated on him, why couldn't he do the same? More importantly how can I trust him again? Have any of you out there gone through this? Do I give up or stick it out? I love him so much and don't want to lose what we have but I don't know if I can forgive him, especially if he makes it seem like what he did was ok. Any thing at all would be great because I'm going crazy over here!

[Anne24]

I'm sorry he did that to you . Ugh...I don't know about men some days. IMO if the trust is gone from the relationship I don't see how it can work. But if you feel like you guys could get that back one day I say stick around and work it out. Only you know how much you can deal with. I like to believe people can change and every couple is different so I'll hope for the best. Just be careful. In my personal experience if they cheat once it's likely to happen again.

[jellybeanqueen]

what he did is not ok, and him acting like he thinks it is, is even MORE wrong.

basically what he is saying is that it is ok he cheated on you, and LIED to you, because she is far away? so now you have to worry every time he is far away?

oh wait thats WRONG of you ? give me a break! what an a$$hole!

you deserve so much better than that.

[Kaiden'sMomma]

If he was really really sorry and acted with some remorse and was trying to make it better, I'd tell you to give it another chance, carefully.
But that's just redic. Tell him to stop talking to her and try to admit that what he did was VERY wrong. e hug.
And welcome to SOS, hun.

[Noel2385]

first of all, welcome to SOS Whatever ends up happening with you two, just know that we're always here for support

I've always thought, once a cheater always a cheater, but I've never stuck around to give a guy a second chance.

If he turns his act around and actually acts like he is sorry, stops talking to her altogether, and promises not to do it again I would give him a second chance.

Hope things work out for you sweety

[OMG it's Andrea!]

so sorry sweetie.

my db cheated on me soon after we got back together and he got to his duty station, two states away. he felt terrible so we stayed together and i'm glad.

HOWEVER, it doesn't sound like he is remorseful at ALL so i would just kick his butt out!

[*MarineBug*]

all the ladies who said to tell him bye bye...I agree with. Good Luck

[BJo]

That is terrible. Usually, I will say that if you both are committed to making it work than you can but this situation seems beyond that. If he can't see how this would affect you on a large scale and try to gain back your trust then how can you expect to have a relationship with him?

[toxicpuree]

Originally Posted by Noel2385 I've always thought, once a cheater always a cheater

I really don't like that stereotype because I know people that have cheated once and learned, including myself. I know I wouldn't do it again.

As for the op, to me, if he had feelings for the girl I don't think I could forgive him, but if it was just sex there is a chance we could work through it.

[booder]

Thanks guys for all your help and advice. Right now I'm still in shock. I can't even talk to him without breaking down so I'm just taking the time to figure out what I want. He keeps calling but I don't think he gets how hurt I am still. What an idiot. I just wish I don't love him so much and invest so much in him. UGH!!!!!! Thanks again you all!!!