I made a decision - Life After Love

cmmarti3 · 01-05-2008, 01:36 AM

I had previously posted and said I wanted a divorce because I HATE the Navy lifestyle and do not want to be a military wife. We got married 6 months after we met and then he deployed a couple of months after that. My husband has been trying hard to call/email when he can but he knows it's not enough. Since he left my dog died, my dad tried to commit suicide and my uncle got lung cancer. All in 2 months! My luck has been so bad. I decided it was only fair to tell my husband that I have doubts and that if he stays in the military I will support him as a friend but I can't be his wife. It has been too much for me to go through all of this crap by myself and I need a full time husband. So I told him as nicely as possible that this isn't the lifestyle for me. Granted, he hates the Navy but stays in because he doesn't think he can get another job. Poor thing has no self confidence. I make a lot of money and told him I'll support him if he wants to take the GI bill and finish his degree. I told him I'll support any education and or career he wants as long as it's reasonable (sorry, but for me the military is not reasonable, especially because he hates it anyway). He told me that he actually doesn't see it as a choice because the only choice is his wife and that he won't put me through this again because he knows how horrible it is for me. I told him if he wanted to stay in the military I would still love him and help him however I can but that I just can't continue to live my life this way. He told me he's getting out! THANK GOD. I hate this deployment and I hate the Navy and I just want May to get here already so he'll be home and I'll never have to deal with this again. I told him before we got married that I would not have children with him if he stayed in the Navy. We should've not gotten married until after his deployment. Then he could've told me to take a hike when I told him to pick between the Navy and me. Reading over this blog makes me realize how selfish I sound not willing to sacrifice for his career. But I really don't think he'd be happy either with a miserable wife. I told him that if he wanted to stay in the military I would make it as easy as possible to get rid of me - no fights about money or who gets what. He can have everything. I told him I was so sorry for doing this to him and that I feel like a horrible person and that we should've waited to get married. But he picked me anyway. Wow, I'm a lucky girl.

kiwijus · 01-05-2008, 01:40 AM

Well, it's not for everyone.

I hate to see someone miserable, but I hate to see someone drop out of the ranks of military wife, too. It's a pretty good feeling, if you can get into it.

For your sakes, I'm glad you're happy.

jen-marie · 01-05-2008, 01:46 AM

I'm sorry. I am glad you have found a solution that will make you happy.

JKirstiH · 01-05-2008, 02:16 AM

Wow...I guess I always thought that I would rather be married to my husband(even if he deploys) than not have him in my life at all.
It is truly a hard life. I am glad you are honest with him.
I am a pretty independent person so I deal OK with my DH being gone. Some people are not like that. I can understand that as well. I hope you find happiness.

~~JadedPrincess~~ · 01-05-2008, 03:26 AM

I have no words...none at all. Actually, yeah I do. (And I know no one is going to like this and that's fine.)

Good luck and go away.

*MarineBug* · 01-05-2008, 12:41 PM

HOw sad fo him that you didnt think about all of this before you took vows with each other that were supposed to be broken. How sad for him that he is out at sea serving his country and he married someone who decided they wanted to break his heart becuase they are not strong enough for the military life style. How sad for him that he ever met you....THATS how I feel about it

~~JadedPrincess~~ · 01-05-2008, 12:48 PM

Originally Posted by Mrs.Ordinance

HOw sad fo him that you didnt think about all of this before you took vows with each other that were supposed to be broken. How sad for him that he is out at sea serving his country and he married someone who decided they wanted to break his heart becuase they are not strong enough for the military life style. How sad for him that he ever met you....THATS how I feel about it

You knew he was in the Navy when you married him. If you didn't like it then, what the hell made you think you would like it now?

What the ****? Go away. Just go. You wait until his life is in danger to decide you just can't take it and he HAS to choose. You couldn't wait?

settles · 01-05-2008, 12:51 PM

well im glad you found a solution that makes you happy. because its not fun when you aren't happy. but i do want to add soomething else...

he is out here fighting for our country... he is fighting so we can have a normal life here in the states, he is fighting so our children can go to school, so we can be safe at night, so we have the freedom of choice.. need i go on?

im sorry your miserable, believe me when i say this and im pretty sure i speak for everyone, if i could have my df home and he didn't have to deploy i would pick that anyday over him being gone for 15 months.

i know some people aren't cut out for the military life but i think its pretty crazy that you make him pick between you and the navy. even if he does hate it, i think that is something you should have discussed once he gets home.

df loves the military, he loves serving his country and he is one of those guys that believes he owes it to this country, to the men who fought before us.
i personally dont care for the "military career" i hope df serves his time and gets out, but i would never email/call him and tell him how horrible it all is. im sure your dh is very stressed right now and when your stressed and telling him he has to pick between you and his job im sure that makes it harder on him.

anyway sorry if any of that sounds mean or rude its just my opinon.

settles · 01-05-2008, 12:54 PM

oh and im not sure how the navy works, but df signed for four years, once he gets back he will still have over a year left of active duty and then 4 years of in-active duty (not sure how thats spelled)

im guessing the navy is prob. pretty close to the same? will he even be able to get out as soon as he gets home?

wyochick · 01-05-2008, 01:17 PM

Originally Posted by JadedPrincess

You knew he was in the Navy when you married him. If you didn't like it then, what the hell made you think you would like it now?

What the ****? Go away. Just go. You wait until his life is in danger to decide you just can't take it and he HAS to choose. You couldn't wait?

Hey now, it's not her fault if she's too big of a sissy to handle being a navy wife. Now on the other hand yes it is her fault cuz she knew what she was gettin in to.

ok I am done now

01-05-2008, 01:36 AM	#1 (permalink)
cmmarti3 Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: San Diego, CA Posts: 37 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 33%	I made a decision I had previously posted and said I wanted a divorce because I HATE the Navy lifestyle and do not want to be a military wife. We got married 6 months after we met and then he deployed a couple of months after that. My husband has been trying hard to call/email when he can but he knows it's not enough. Since he left my dog died, my dad tried to commit suicide and my uncle got lung cancer. All in 2 months! My luck has been so bad. I decided it was only fair to tell my husband that I have doubts and that if he stays in the military I will support him as a friend but I can't be his wife. It has been too much for me to go through all of this crap by myself and I need a full time husband. So I told him as nicely as possible that this isn't the lifestyle for me. Granted, he hates the Navy but stays in because he doesn't think he can get another job. Poor thing has no self confidence. I make a lot of money and told him I'll support him if he wants to take the GI bill and finish his degree. I told him I'll support any education and or career he wants as long as it's reasonable (sorry, but for me the military is not reasonable, especially because he hates it anyway). He told me that he actually doesn't see it as a choice because the only choice is his wife and that he won't put me through this again because he knows how horrible it is for me. I told him if he wanted to stay in the military I would still love him and help him however I can but that I just can't continue to live my life this way. He told me he's getting out! THANK GOD. I hate this deployment and I hate the Navy and I just want May to get here already so he'll be home and I'll never have to deal with this again. I told him before we got married that I would not have children with him if he stayed in the Navy. We should've not gotten married until after his deployment. Then he could've told me to take a hike when I told him to pick between the Navy and me. Reading over this blog makes me realize how selfish I sound not willing to sacrifice for his career. But I really don't think he'd be happy either with a miserable wife. I told him that if he wanted to stay in the military I would make it as easy as possible to get rid of me - no fights about money or who gets what. He can have everything. I told him I was so sorry for doing this to him and that I feel like a horrible person and that we should've waited to get married. But he picked me anyway. Wow, I'm a lucky girl.

01-05-2008, 01:40 AM	#2 (permalink)
kiwijus Li'l Squat Bird Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 11,819 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 65% Longevity: 44%	Well, it's not for everyone. I hate to see someone miserable, but I hate to see someone drop out of the ranks of military wife, too. It's a pretty good feeling, if you can get into it. For your sakes, I'm glad you're happy. __________________

01-05-2008, 01:46 AM	#3 (permalink)
jen-marie Whats ment to be will always find a way.. Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Washington Posts: 3,403 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 5% Longevity: 41%	I'm sorry. I am glad you have found a solution that will make you happy. __________________

01-05-2008, 02:16 AM	#4 (permalink)
JKirstiH Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 9,480 Classifieds: (3) Activity: 14% Longevity: 62%	Wow...I guess I always thought that I would rather be married to my husband(even if he deploys) than not have him in my life at all. It is truly a hard life. I am glad you are honest with him. I am a pretty independent person so I deal OK with my DH being gone. Some people are not like that. I can understand that as well. I hope you find happiness. __________________ Finding more and more truth to the words written in red.-B&D Goodness speaks in a whisper, evil shouts. Tibetan proverb The greater love is a mother's; then comes a dog's; then a sweetheart's. Polish Proverb

01-05-2008, 12:41 PM	#6 (permalink)
MarineBug KYLEY Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Me:SoCal DH:Afghanistan Stationed:Camp Pendleton Posts: 16,106 Blog Entries: 2 Classifieds: (12) Activity: 50% Longevity: 34%	HOw sad fo him that you didnt think about all of this before you took vows with each other that were supposed to be broken. How sad for him that he is out at sea serving his country and he married someone who decided they wanted to break his heart becuase they are not strong enough for the military life style. How sad for him that he ever met you....THATS how I feel about it __________________ 7 MONTHS 8 DAYS Since Bubba Went to Afghanistan If you are looking for Custom Bows to match your little ones outfit for any holiday please PM me! Order custom holiday bows now and receive FREE SHIPPING!

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01-05-2008, 03:26 AM	#5 (permalink)
~~JadedPrincess~~ Banned Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 2,056 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 32%	I have no words...none at all. Actually, yeah I do. (And I know no one is going to like this and that's fine.) Good luck and go away.

01-05-2008, 12:51 PM	#8 (permalink)
settles MilitarySOS Jewel Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Savannah, GA Posts: 13,449 Classifieds: (1) Activity: 70% Longevity: 32%	well im glad you found a solution that makes you happy. because its not fun when you aren't happy. but i do want to add soomething else... he is out here fighting for our country... he is fighting so we can have a normal life here in the states, he is fighting so our children can go to school, so we can be safe at night, so we have the freedom of choice.. need i go on? im sorry your miserable, believe me when i say this and im pretty sure i speak for everyone, if i could have my df home and he didn't have to deploy i would pick that anyday over him being gone for 15 months. i know some people aren't cut out for the military life but i think its pretty crazy that you make him pick between you and the navy. even if he does hate it, i think that is something you should have discussed once he gets home. df loves the military, he loves serving his country and he is one of those guys that believes he owes it to this country, to the men who fought before us. i personally dont care for the "military career" i hope df serves his time and gets out, but i would never email/call him and tell him how horrible it all is. im sure your dh is very stressed right now and when your stressed and telling him he has to pick between you and his job im sure that makes it harder on him. anyway sorry if any of that sounds mean or rude its just my opinon.

01-05-2008, 12:54 PM	#9 (permalink)
settles MilitarySOS Jewel Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Savannah, GA Posts: 13,449 Classifieds: (1) Activity: 70% Longevity: 32%	oh and im not sure how the navy works, but df signed for four years, once he gets back he will still have over a year left of active duty and then 4 years of in-active duty (not sure how thats spelled) im guessing the navy is prob. pretty close to the same? will he even be able to get out as soon as he gets home?