Sigh. F*cking Figures

[LittleMsSunshine]

Well, we're done for good. I guess I'll just tell the whole story so it makes more sense.

We met August 2006. Things were great the first few months.... he went out to sea December-February. Came home, things are great till he gets orders to Connecticut. So we break up on Valentine's Day.

His orders end up being canceled last minute. So we get back together on the 4th of July. Two days later he leaves for a 90+ day patrol.

He gets back early October and things are amazing for about three weeks. Then he gets himself all psyched out and decides he's not ready for a serious relationship. So we break up a second time.

Thanksgiving Day he calls me and asks if I'll pick him up from the airport the next night. So I do. He tells me he's reprioritized his life and that he loves me. So we get back together and start talking about our future together.

December 20th.... we break up a third time over the phone because he's all psyched out again. I spend two hours convincing him to talk to a therapist because he's having a hard time.

Tonight... we hang out and have a blast. Go to the mall, I gave him his Christmas gifts... go out to dinner.... on the way back to drop him off, I ask if I should just give up. After a long pause, he says yes. We get to the gate... he gets out of the car and apologizes and says he doesn't know why he wants to be alone.... but that he'd rather stay single and be depressed. So I ask him if that's it.... and he says yeah. And gets choked up and walks to his car.

We're done. I've never been so upset in my life. I feel like puking.... though somehow I knew it was going to come to this.

Anyway.... I just need to get away for a while. If I'm not around much in the next few weeks.... that's why. I'm embarrassed to have put so much of myself into a relationship that, in retrospect, was doomed from the start. You can't expect someone who's incapable of loving themselves to know what it means to love another.

I apologize for all the times I've whined to you guys or vented about my on/off again relationship... I wish it didn't have to go this far in order for me to wake the **** up and realize I was wasting my time.

So, I'll see you guys in a while. PM me if you need anything. I'll check those.... otherwise I think I'm just gonna lay low for a while and try to fix my

Love you all, thanks for everything.

[harrisonsdream]

i'm so sorry hun you deserve better than that and you will find someone perfect for you

[Pebbles]

you Heidi.

He sounds too flaky

[settles]

im really sorry you are so hurt.
big or small all things happen for a reason. be strong and keep your head high.
take some time for yourself, go shop, have a massage, just do what you need to do to feel good. and iknow its going to be hard to not think about him but dont do it, think about yourself. you need to do whats best for you!!

[LittleMsSunshine]

honestly..... as upset as I am..... it's kind of a load off. I need to focus and take care of myself... and get myself in a better place.

I realized how unhealthy this relationship was when he broke up with me.... and my biggest concern was taking care of him instead of letting myself be sad/brokenhearted/upset.

I have serious codependent/abandonment issues that I REALLY need to get a grip on before I even *think* about dating again.

Thanks everyone. I love you girls more than you know.

[*Brooke*]

im sorry sweetie! you deserve someone that isnt so wishy wshy about a relationship and loving you. im sorry your going through this!

[SAMSET]

I'm sorry I hope you feel better...and yes taking the time out for yourself is a great idea my last big breakup ( a relationship sounding similar to yours) i had the money at the time so after we broke up i got my hair done bought a new outfit and makeup and the retail therapy helped a little ..............I'm sorry your going through this but obviously it's better in the long run so that you can meet someone who can love you and can actually committ to you!

[MontanaSweetie]

I'm so sorry sweetie! Hang in there! You are way to good for him anyways.

[RunAwayLove]

im so sorry heidi take ur time but im here if you need to talk

[*Crystal*]

Im sorry sweetie!! You deserve better and I hope one day you find it. But you are right, you need to focus on yourself instead of trying to make someone else happy!!