might as well use this break-up forum... :-/

[Sarah982]

I don't post a lot, but since we have this break-up forum, I figure someone might as well use it My guy and I broke up last week. There are some details in the DearSOS thread I made when things were finally coming to a head: http://militarysos.com/forum/showthread.php?t=112636 and I posted a follow-up towards the end of the thread.

But to make a long story short: he was separated (supposedly legally, but I don't know) for a year-and-a-half before we started dating last December and was planning on finalizing his divorce when he got back from Iraq. But at some point around either the beginning of his deployment or the end of his pre-deployment training his ex broke up with her boyfriend and they started talking more. I didn't know anything about that until last month I found some stuff she'd posted on a friend's myspace that indicated they might not be as over as he had always said. I confronted him, he said he was confused and needed to sort things out and about a week later told me that they were over, and continued to tell me that for the next month. Then I finally realized he was still lying to me, but he wouldn't admit it (that's pretty much what the DearSOS thread covers) so I did the only thing I could think of to force his hand--I messaged his wife. And only then would he finally admit that yes, he was giving it another go with her.

I'm glad I'm done with the anxiety of the past month that came from all his lies and worrying if he was being honest, but this all sucks so much. No one I cared about so much has ever told me lies of this magnitude. And I have to wonder how much the deployment has affected his mindset. He always told me he knew his marriage was a mistake before he did it but he felt like he had to go through with it, and he was in a bad place at the time, having just returned from a deployment, that she's a nice girl but "doesn't have two brain cells to rub together" and that he never loved her, and most recently that she's the kind of person who can't handle things on her own. And when he finally admitted to me that he was back together with her, he never said he loved her or realized she would make him happier--he kept repeating all this stuff about having hit rock bottom and needing to fix the mistakes he's made in the past. In the end I guess none of that matters, because however he feels about her, he obviously didn't love me. And he lied and betrayed me, and I cannot forgive that. As far as I can tell, he was probably keeping me hanging on in case things fell through with her...and it's no fun to be anyone's backup plan

Anyway, thanks for listening, ladies. I am still so and but hopefully I will be able to let go of my anger and hurt, move on, and find someone who is kinder, more honest, taller, and better at foreplay!

Right now though, this could pretty much describe my mood:

[RunAwayLove]

im sorry hun!

[cheerkelly]

Wow. I'm really really sorry! Men just suck (at least I feel that way right now!).

[RaMi]

wow, i am so sorry! that is terrible that he lied to you that way... good thing you had those feelings and took it upon yourself to sort out because who knows how long he would have strung you along. You are TOTALLY right about moving on to find someone better, when one door shuts (or plain slams in your face) another one really does open.

[billysgirl]

i'm so sorry he did that to you. i'm sure he did love you. I'm glad you were able to get to the bottom of it and get away from that situation. you deserve so so so much more than to be a backup plan

[Loretta]

Ohh, I am so sorry.

I know you will hear this a lot(because it's TRUE), but you deserve so much better.

[ashley5]

im so sorry

[SoldiersWife]

I'm so sorry

[Miranda]

Im so sorry you are going thru this. Man, gut instincts really are something, huh? Im glad you finally found the truth, even tho it isnt what you wanted to hear.

[paisley1370]

Sorry sweetie.Guys can suck so much sometimes. You are way way better off-- I understand that anything we say isnt going to make you feel better right now though.Just hang tough and you will be okay.