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Thread: I didn't know DB's deployment would affect DD....

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    mahma06's Avatar
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    #1

    I didn't know DB's deployment would affect DD....

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    Let me start with this, I am very new to military life. I actually never wanted to be a part of it until I met DB. I just never thought I had it in me to be able to handle this life.
    We had only been dating a few months when he deployed. In fact, I didn't even intro DB and DS until about a month before (I'm picky about who I intro my DD to). Before he left, I explained everything to her, as much as I could to a 6 year old. I wanted her to know that if mom was sad sometimes, that was why. They have exchanged brief hellos and goodbyes to each other if she happened to be there when I was Skyping with him. I relay messages if we are chatting on FB (again, also brief). She makes things to send to him and helps me do his care packages. I thought everything was fine and she was just coasting through while I was struggling to get through each day without thinking about DB constantly. Then one day she looked at me and said, "I miss (him), Mom." I was stunned. It never crossed my mind that deployment would be affecting her too, even if it's just a little. My question is this, how do I help her cope when I'm still trying to figure out how to get through this myself? I've tried to look for blogs about helping a step(ish)child through deployment and haven't really found anything.
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    #2
    Talk, Listen, Connect - Tool Kits - Parents - Sesame Street

    I don't know if your DD likes Sesame street, but I know a lot of people use this toolkit to hep their kids with military transitions. I don't have any btdt advice as last time dh was deployed our oldest was only 3 months when he came back.

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    #3
    My DH is on deployment and it's very hard for my youngest. She is 5 and we've been together since she was 2. It's much easier for my older kids, since they remember their own father's deployment.

    Open communication is key. I let her express how she's feeling, whether it be sad, angry, upset, whatever. I acknowledge her feelings, because it can be scary for them. This a very long deployment and at my daughter's age, she doesn't have the concept of how much time it actually is. I let her know that I miss him too, but I don't let the kids really see me sad. They need to know that I'm strong for them, no matter what. Kids can really react to the vibe you put out. I try to stay as positive as possible so she knows that even though he's gone, everything is okay. Life continues as normal. I do extra stuff, like a pic a day for him on facebook, care packages, letters, pictures, all of which the kids are involved in.

    You all will get through this. If you need anything, you can always PM me.
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    Thank you. I try to keep her involved in as much stuff as possible. She loves making him crafts and helping me decorate care packages.

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