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Thread: Acting out?

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    #1

    Help Acting out?

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    So DH is deploying early spring. By at this point he's gone a lot. He's NG, so he has a 72 hour a week civi job, plus pre deployment stuff. Tomorrow will be the first day we had completely off on 21 days. Aidan has started to act out a lot. I don't know if its an age thing (he's almost 14 months) or if its seperation anxiety. I lean towards the latter, cause when dady is home, he's fine. Except at bedtime. When either of us puts him down at night he reaches through the crib rails and screams. I feel awful, but I don't know what to do to him. He's being a brat, doing things that he knows better then to do, and looking at you and laughing when you tell him no. I'm at a loss. Help?
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    #2
    12-14 months is an age where kids start testing boundaries. Not because they are trying to be a certain way but because they are immature beings learning what is right/wrong and how far they can push. Daddy being gone is a change and that is going to change his behavior but I wouldn't jump straight to it all being separation anxiety. Some of it it is just the age. Toddlerhood is messy business.

    Really the best thing you can do for him right now is allow him a safe space to explore his boundaries in and if he gets out of hand give him some alone time to come to terms with his emotions. Or have him sit on your lap while he comes to terms with them. It's a hard life growing up and change doesn't make that any easier.

    If he is struggling at bed time something with his bedtime routine might need to be changed. Is it too cold/hot/dark/bright etc in his nursery? Is he not tired? Would a warm bath before bed help him settle down? Is there a good bedtime routine? Does he associate his bed with punishment (ie is he put in there when he's in trouble)

    Sometimes they just need some extra snuggles and boundaries.





    ETA: Also LM is going through a lot of this right now as well. We have been having more snacks during the day and activity to keep her occupied but also to tire her out. Having a warm bath/snuggles before bed so she knows it's that time. When she acts up I evaluate if she is trying to tell me something or if she is testing. If she is testing I talk to her about it and then sit her down. She will crawl back to me and if she say hits again then she goes back down after I say "We don't hit". Eventually she will realize that her behavior = consequence and if she doesn't like that the behavior needs to stop. I focus on being very verbal with her so that she knows why I am doing what I am doing, what she's doing wrong etc. They aren't at the age to truly be malicious. But it is still challenging.
    Last edited by Never a *Just*; 12-05-2012 at 03:57 PM. Reason: add more info
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by HisByzantineLove View Post
    12-14 months is an age where kids start testing boundaries. Not because they are trying to be a certain way but because they are immature beings learning what is right/wrong and how far they can push. Daddy being gone is a change and that is going to change his behavior but I wouldn't jump straight to it all being separation anxiety. Some of it it is just the age. Toddlerhood is messy business.

    Really the best thing you can do for him right now is allow him a safe space to explore his boundaries in and if he gets out of hand give him some alone time to come to terms with his emotions. Or have him sit on your lap while he comes to terms with them. It's a hard life growing up and change doesn't make that any easier.

    If he is struggling at bed time something with his bedtime routine might need to be changed. Is it too cold/hot/dark/bright etc in his nursery? Is he not tired? Would a warm bath before bed help him settle down? Is there a good bedtime routine? Does he associate his bed with punishment (ie is he put in there when he's in trouble)

    Sometimes they just need some extra snuggles and boundaries.
    For the most part, he is in a safe place when he's playing. The only bad things in the living room/playroom are the surround sound speakers and the stairs. It's the outside of a semi open staircase, which he has discovered that he can climb. and the surround sound speakers are fine, but he sometimes grabs at the wires. How he can find the half an inch of themt hate exposed is beyond me. Oh, and he likes to chew on our antique rocking chair. But, reall. Not a lot has changed as far as routine. We try to get him to bed at the same time every night, but we let him stay up if DH is going to be home later then usual, so that he can spend some time with him. With his civi job, DH is gone 24 hours, home 25 hours, so our routine is that I put Aidan to bed on work nights, and DH puts him down on non work nights. This has been messed up a few times due to OT or what have you. I don't know, the screaming and reaching for us thing is new at bedtime. It breaks both of our hearts, but we can't go back to rocking him to sleep at this point, because it takes forever, and he wakes up the second we lay him down.

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