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Thread: children and the military lifestyle?

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    #1

    children and the military lifestyle?

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    Everyone sort of knows me as the girl who just wants a job, house, husband and children including DB. I have always wanted children (not just yet) but i do worry a bit about how potentially having a father in the military affects children. It would never stop me from having children with DB in the future, i was just wondering if anyone has any advice or opinions on children as part of a military family. Obviously it works so well for some many people on MSOS and i think those people are so inspiring, it's just today i was thinking about how it would be having children with DB and him not always being there or maybe missing births and important events etc so does anyone have anything to say at all really? sorry i'm rambling.
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    #2
    The child doesn't know any different unless it is told otherwise.

    Our boys know that daddy loves them and he makes sure they do no matter how long he is gone. It is all about attitude of the parents.

    If the stay at home spouse (mom OR dad) is bitter, makes comments, the child will act like that also.
    "Obstinacy is a fault of temperament. Stubbornness and Intolerance of contradiction result from a special kind of Egotism, which elevates above everything else the pleasure of its own autonomous intellect, to which others must bow.: Carl von Clausewitz
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by DakotaCowgirl View Post
    The child doesn't know any different unless it is told otherwise.

    Our boys know that daddy loves them and he makes sure they do no matter how long he is gone. It is all about attitude of the parents.

    If the stay at home spouse (mom OR dad) is bitter, makes comments, the child will act like that also.
    Thanks for the reply that completely makes sense, my dad wasn't military but he was in the fire service and obviously he wasn't away that much but my mum said she never let on if she was worried about him and i never worried about him doing a dangerous job as a child. I know it is different to military but kind of relates a bit with the comments and attitude things you said. Thanks.
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    #4
    This was probably my number one concern when DB told me he was joining...still is...so I'm looking forward to what other people say
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    #5
    Personally, I'm not currently comfortable having kids while DH is military both because of the affect on the children, and on dh and I. He plans to be in til retirement, so I may change my mind in that time frame. It works for a lot families though, just make sure you're comfortable with your choice either way!
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by DakotaCowgirl View Post
    The child doesn't know any different unless it is told otherwise.

    Our boys know that daddy loves them and he makes sure they do no matter how long he is gone. It is all about attitude of the parents.

    If the stay at home spouse (mom OR dad) is bitter, makes comments, the child will act like that also.
    This.

    I grew up in this lifestyle. Both of my parents were active duty when I was born (their parents were military, too, and theirs before them). My dad just retired last year. Honestly, when you're born into this lifestyle, it's really all you know. Yeah, did it suck moving schools every couple of years (or in some cases every year)? Sometimes, of course, but it was also exciting! I got to see so many cool places growing up, and I learned how to be comfortable in my own skin (constantly having to make new friends will do that).

    Now that I'm a spouse, it's definitely tough to think of DH missing big milestones in our sweet baby's life, but I try to keep in mind what a fantastic childhood I had. The days my parents were gone are not what stand out in my mind, at all. Like DakotaCowgirl said, I know my parents love me and I knew it then, too. And THAT is what I remember.
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    #7
    My husband has been active duty for over 20 years, we have an 18 year old and a 16 year old. What do you want to know?

    They're great kids. They are well mannered, smart, funny, adapt well to change, adventurous and independent. They make friends easily and keep in contact with close friends from their past.

    My dad worked for a computer company, so I moved around a lot as a child too. He also went to schools and on business trips and he missed birthdays, baseball games, dance recitals, school plays and band concerts. We knew he wanted to be there, he just couldn't. I think I grew up ok. Our kids have been the same: they know he would be at everything if he could.
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    #8
    My kids are young (3 and 6), but they don't know there's anything "different" about our life. DH is on his second deployment since mid-2010. They know Daddy goes on "long trips for work"... that's just what happens. They are very sweet, smart, well-adjusted kids. I know they miss their dad, but I don't worry about them being scarred for life because of it.
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    #9
    I'm interested to hear how others have dealt with it. I'll be honest, it's stopped us. We've been married 5 years now and still no kids. I'm waiting until it gets closer to him getting out. It's just what I want.
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    I guess i have always been like ooh i really want children then today was the very first time i was like oh should i have them when DB is in the military or wait or if he is going to stay in for a long time how will it be having them whilst he is in. I have no doubt about children having a completely full childhood and relationship with their parents if either or both of them are in the military it was just the first time that i was like oh need to have a little think about it. If DB and I do stay together and get married etc i know we will have children whatever because we both really want them in the future. Thanks for the replies it has helped me have a think and it seems like a few people were having similar thoughts or questions.
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