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Thread: I think we're crashing and burning

  1. Senior Member
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    #1

    Help I think we're crashing and burning

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    So, with consideration of OPSEC in mind, I'll have to make this a tiny bit vague...Sorry if it's confusing.

    My husband and I have been married for 5 years, he has been deployed twice in that time. When he deploys it is for long periods of time a year give or take. We got a REALLY good stretch this time and he was home for 3 years. I got pregnant with DD the month or two after he got home from the last one. So, she's just turned 2. He left recently to start training for his upcoming mobilization. We will likely see him before this phase is over, but DD is already having (or it seems to me she is) severe separation anxiety. Long story short, she was ok the first few days because of his work schedule and knowing he comes home after a set period of time. It is a little eerie the way she has the schedule figured out and verbalizes that. So, I'm pretty sure that when he left, she didn't really understand what was happening. A few days she has woken up and asked if he was in my bed...Which made the explanation necessary AGAIN. She has not been sleeping well at all. She has been waking between 2-3 times a night (she never did this before. Even as an newborn she slept for four and five hours at a time at night.). We had a rough morning yesterday, but today was by far the worst. She fell out of bed last night, then she woke up at 2, 3, and 545 AM. She refused to go back to sleep and has been SO cranky all day. This is all SO unlike her it's not even funny.

    She got her Daddy doll in the mail today and was super excited at first, but as she got more tired (droopy eyes, bags under them), she just didn't want anything to do with it and them was asking for and then refusing things when I gave them to her. After she cried for a good 20 min, I held her walking around the house and she fell asleep on my shoulder. AT 5 P! I didn't try to keep her up because she had such a rough night last night.

    Guess I'm just looking for some advice on how to help her through this transition.
  2. Anchored2aSailor's Avatar
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    #2
    If you go on military one source, they have free videos and books that you can get for kids to help them cope with deployments/time spent apart.
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    #3


    Anchored gave better advice than I could, I hope things turn around.


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    #4
    I think there is a Sesame Street app that's dedicated to military kids and helping them cope with deployment, if she's into SS you may give it a try.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Anchored2aSailor View Post
    If you go on military one source, they have free videos and books that you can get for kids to help them cope with deployments/time spent apart.
    Quote Originally Posted by Scoobysgal View Post
    I think there is a Sesame Street app that's dedicated to military kids and helping them cope with deployment, if she's into SS you may give it a try.
    I actually got the SS Talk, Listen, Connect for kids dealing with deployment. We've watched it a few times and she likes it. She seems to connect it to what is going on (as much as a 2 yr old can). I think she is having trouble figuring out how to deal with whatever feelings she is having...The other problem with that is that she can't vocalize them at 2, so it's hard for me to know how to help her.

    I'm sorry I seem SO clueless, but she's my first little and this is our first deployment, so I kinda am.
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    #6
    I forgot to say thanks for appreciate the support. I don't know what Anchored is.
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    #7
    No advice... Just

    I don't have kids so can't even begin to understand... But I would guess it would be a little like you dealing with it... As in, over time it gets easier... She'll always miss her dad even if she could understand what's going on really well... like you...
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by OneIllWife View Post
    I forgot to say thanks for appreciate the support. I don't know what Anchored is.
    Haha, me.

    Do you have any videos with your husband? Or could you make a photo slide show? Maybe you could watch those together a few times a week so you can have a routine and she can get used to "seeing him" at certain times?
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Anchored2aSailor View Post
    Haha, me.

    Do you have any videos with your husband? Or could you make a photo slide show? Maybe you could watch those together a few times a week so you can have a routine and she can get used to "seeing him" at certain times?
    We have instituted a few new routine items that get us talking about him. We have a paper chain in the living room that, in theory, is as many days as he will be gone. We take one off each night and write her favorite part of her day on it. She knows what it is well enough to explain it to her aunties and nana etc. She knows that when we get to the front door (it's stretched around my living room) that Poppa will be here. I know that dates aren't at all firm, but she's 2 so she won't notice if I have to take a few off or add a few the month or week before. I also got a few maps (one of the U.S. for the training period and one for after, when he is overseas). He has made her a recordable book, we have other books on minidisc with him reading them (the USO did those for him at different times). They are nice because it's a video. We always sing together when we lay her down at night. He recorded himself singing her bedtime song on the computer and I put it on an SD card in this little toddler type boombox she has. I think it's nice to "keep" that part of our routine and tradition. The other thing that JUST ARRIVED today is DD's Poppa Doll (Daddy doll technically, but since we call him Poppa she calls it that.) She was ECSTATIC!

    And I am TOTALLY laughing at myself for missing that about your SN...My mind isn't entirely with me right now. Please forgive me.
  10. "If you don't like my attitude, quit talking to me"
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    #10
    The only advice I can give is keep her routine consistent. Don't deviate much from anything that you have been doing all along. Keep the same bedtime routine, same meal routine, etc. She will eventually realize that life is the same, just 'Poppa' isn't here at the moment.

    Good luck, she will come around.

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