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Thread: *warning* senstive topic about death. Please don't read if easily upset. Thanjs

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    #1

    *warning* senstive topic about death. Please don't read if easily upset. Thanjs

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    Ladies--
    Ever since I had my DS 22 months ago I've started having panic attacks about my own death and what would happen to my son. I'm kind of over that bc I know my DH and fam would take care of him.
    But now!!!
    I'm freaking out about what if I die in my sleep while DH is on deployment?? Who will know?? How long will my son sit there and beg me to wake up. (I am on the verge of tears just typing it)
    Will this feeling fade too?

    Help.
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    #2


    I would be lieing if I said this never crossed my mind. I have had to push it out b/c I cannot let myself dwell on it. Maybe you can set up a routine. Like someone you call every day or email, etc. so that if it does happen your ds would nto be in that position.

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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Marriedtothenavy View Post
    Ladies--
    Ever since I had my DS 22 months ago I've started having panic attacks about my own death and what would happen to my son. I'm kind of over that bc I know my DH and fam would take care of him.
    But now!!!
    I'm freaking out about what if I die in my sleep while DH is on deployment?? Who will know?? How long will my son sit there and beg me to wake up. (I am on the verge of tears just typing it)
    Will this feeling fade too?

    Help.


    I 100% understand where you're coming from. That was one of my biggest fears when my DS was younger. I'm a single mom, and I lived about an hour away from my family while going to college. I was terrified that something could happen to me while I was at home, and my DS would just sit there, crying, unfed, and dirty, while I lay dead.

    Eventually, I grew out of it. By the time he was 4, I'd say that fear pretty much disappeared. I was thinking about it the other day actually. Now, I live 6 hours from my family, so I thought about how it would take my parents hours to get here, and my son would be an emotional mess. But at least now, he can call 911 and call my parents.

    I think what would help the most is start talking to your son now. Tell him if something happens and mommy gets hurt, or he can't wake mommy up, to get the phone and call 911. Practice on a fake phone.

    You hear about these kids that call 911 and save their mom or dad's life, and they're like, 2 1/2. Kids are smarter than we like to think, and they are survivors. There was a 2 year old recently left for like, 3 or 4 days when her mom died, and she got into the fridge and fed herself. Your son may not get it, but it's crazy what the body can make people recall or do in times of need. Shoot, I had a puppy who we were trying to teach how to climb up the ladder to get out of our pool just in case he managed to get on the deck and fall in, and he just did not get it. One day I went to let him inside, and he was soaking wet. I could see he fell into the pool with the cover on, and was able to climb up the ladder to get out. All the practice counted when it mattered.

    So anyways, be proactive and help prep your DS for if something does happen. That will make you feel a bit better. And soon, he'll be old enough to not need to worry.
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    #4
    Also, I was suffering from a deep depression, without seeking medical help then. I don't know if that played a role in it or not, but if you have the signs of depression, seek help.
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    #5
    Have you ever talked to your doctor about anxiety or seen a therapist for it? Panic disorder stems from anxiety and your through process is indicative of anxiety. If it's really bothering you, I would highly suggest either starting with your PCP or seeking out a therapist. I'm sorry you're having these thoughts. I hope things get better!
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    #6
    I had those thoughts a lot when DH was deployed too...plus DH works 14hour days..so I even worry that he'll be at work and DD will be left alone all day until he gets home. It's a very scary thought.
    But I call my mom once a day, and my sisters...and I post on fb...so if no one had heard from me I knew that they would be worried and if they tried to call and I didn't answer I know they would call someone to help.
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    #7

    I do agree that you may want to talk to someone (professional) about the level of anxiety and panic you are having and work towards addressing that.
    To your concern, though, I would suggest setting up a "check-in" sort of system with friends and family. Like chickadee has said, if you are known to have regular calls with people and you miss one, they are going to check up on you (this may be best done with someone local who would be able to physically check vs. just continue trying to reach you by phone, etc). Get to know your neighbors. If they know you and your usual routine, your habits on letting your child cry, etc, they are going to notice when something starts to be out of the norm (ie your concern about dying in your sleep and your child being alone, crying with no one to help him - if they hear him crying unstoppably for much longer than usual, they are more likely to come knock on the door, investigate if they are invested in you as people from knowing you). The downside of all this is that you may well come to the point where you feel smothered by how much you have gotten everyone invested in knowing where you are, what you are doing and whether you are safe -- if you decide, for example, to make a spur of the moment trip somewhere -the beach, shopping, whatever - and don't remember to let those "check-in people" know, you are going to be inundated with concerned calls, etc and may find that to be too much.
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    #8
    Do you have a medical condition? I'm not trying to get personal, you don't have to say what if you do, but I'm just wondering.

    Like others have said, seek some help if these anxiety attacks are affecting you so seriously.

    I'm not saying that you're not being reasonable about it, but if you don't have a medical condition, why are you worried about dying in your sleep? If you have a condition or something wrong with you, I can understand being concerned to the point that you're expressing, but if you're healthy, don't let this fear take over your life. You don't need to add onto any stress that you may experience with the deployment as it is, and this is something that is relatively minor. Yes, you need to make sure to have people that can check in on you in case something happens (it's a good idea for anyone, healthy or sick), but don't let it get you down. If you're healthy, the chances of you dying in your sleep are very, very slim, unless you have a history of severe sleep apnea.

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    #9
    I have struggled with the same concerns since DH has been deployed. I set up a check-in system with my sister. I told her up front what my fear was and I made her promise to follow-up if we didn't make contact in the morning. We reached an agreement that she would follow up immediately if she doesn't hear from me. I try to be lighthearted when we talk but I have told her several times that, as silly as it might seem to her, I need that reassurance in order to go to sleep. This way, I feel certain that someone would be checking on my girls if something happened to me and it has significantly reduced that stress in my life! Deployment and all the responsibilities that come with it are a heavy enough burden as it is and my sister is happy to help me carry that burden just a bit - do you have someone close to you that would be willing to be your check-in partner? It has made a huge difference for me!
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    #10
    I have no advice other than that maybe you should see a professional. If anxieties like that are effecting you this much, there may be something going on.


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