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Thread: How a 3 year old copes....?

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    #1

    Question How a 3 year old copes....?

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    My DS right now is 2 years old. He is definitely a Daddy's boy through and through. When my DH is scheduled to deploy, he'll be shortly turning 3. I'm so wrapped up in how I'll feel with DH gone that I really have no idea as to what to expect or how to help my DS cope with him being gone. I'm not sure how much I can expect him to understand or what exactly a year without his Daddy will mean to him. I feel like I'll be at a loss to explain to him what exactly will be going on in a way he can comprehend...Especially without letting my emotions get the best of me while doing it. I'm also torn on if he should be there to say goodbye to DH when he officially leaves or if it will be too hard for myself, DH, and DS emotionally...I'm just so uncertain!
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    #2
    When my husband deployed in 2009 my DD was little over a year old. So it was hard on her. She didnt understand why we were going home with out him. But we webcamed a lot and sent pictures.

    It will take some time to adjust. Keep him busy. my daughter would love to go play with other kids and have fun.
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    Yah, I'm hoping that since we've decided I won't be working while DH is deployed that I will be able to get my DS enrolled in a program or 2 at our local rec center to give him something to help pass time too. I think it's just so hard not knowing how exactly he will process it all in that little head of his
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    #4
    https://www.militaryonesource.com/MO...1/Default.aspx

    If you haven't yet you need to make an account with Military One Source

    The link I posted is to a lot of their free stuff that they offer to military families. Anything from Zero-To-Three will really help. There is a book called "Over There" that I highly recommend, make sure you get the daddy version.

    I also recommend a daddy doll. www.daddydolls.com They are wonderful and you can get a voice box put in them too. Yes, they are a little pricey but worth it and that company gives free daddy dolls to all children who have had a parent KIA. There is a company that works on donatioins and just asks that you pay the S&H fees and they put the picture on a pillow, I personally prefer the dolls.

    Also, Operation We Are Here - Encouraging the Military Home Front has a lot of usefull information and freebies and activities and such that can be of help.

    If you have any questions about anything feel free to PM me or post more here <3

    and to you and your LO and your DH while he's gone <3
    I'm LeAndra

    Married to James since October 2008
    Lorelai Feb 2010
    Beckham July 2012
    I am a Christian & SAHM/W

    If you have any questions about massage therapy, breastfeeding, natural birth, Your Baby Can Read, teaching kids sign language or whatever...feel free to ask!
    PS~ Please excuse any typos for the time being...I've almost always got an arm full of baby
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    #5
    My DS was 4 when DH left. He kept telling me "You shouldn't have taken him to the ship Mommy." and was pretty upset with me... but now he kind of get's it. I tell him DH is protecting us and will be home as soon as he can be.

    He's a little older so that helped, DH is also his step-dad, but saying goodbye between those two was HEARTWRENCHING! When the ship pulled out DS started running after the ship screaming Daddy. DH actually broke his stance and waved to him and blew him a kiss. I was good until that happened then I sobbed like an idiot too. So Braden and I just sat there until we couldn't see the ship anymore... DH also bought him a toy and gave my DS a nintendo ds to watch over while he was gone. So DS just clung to those and he likes to have a picture to look at.
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    Quote Originally Posted by chickadeebaby View Post
    https://www.militaryonesource.com/MO...1/Default.aspx

    If you haven't yet you need to make an account with Military One Source

    The link I posted is to a lot of their free stuff that they offer to military families. Anything from Zero-To-Three will really help. There is a book called "Over There" that I highly recommend, make sure you get the daddy version.

    I also recommend a daddy doll. www.daddydolls.com They are wonderful and you can get a voice box put in them too. Yes, they are a little pricey but worth it and that company gives free daddy dolls to all children who have had a parent KIA. There is a company that works on donatioins and just asks that you pay the S&H fees and they put the picture on a pillow, I personally prefer the dolls.

    Also, Operation We Are Here - Encouraging the Military Home Front has a lot of usefull information and freebies and activities and such that can be of help.

    If you have any questions about anything feel free to PM me or post more here <3

    and to you and your LO and your DH while he's gone <3
    Thanks so much! I'm finding so much more information then I could have imagined here with all you ladies I definitely want to get a daddy doll for DS. I was looking a little bit at the military onesource yesterday while at work but didn't get a chance to really check everything out. There's just SO much information everywhere that I didn't even know existed!


    and yes, that's exactly what I'm worried about when I think about taking DS to say goodbye to DH...I'm afraid it's almost like he'll blame me for dropping Daddy off and not bringing him back home. I've never felt such an emotional rollercoaster in my life..and DH tells me to put it to the back of my mind for now and not stress....
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by NGwife07 View Post
    Thanks so much! I'm finding so much more information then I could have imagined here with all you ladies I definitely want to get a daddy doll for DS. I was looking a little bit at the military onesource yesterday while at work but didn't get a chance to really check everything out. There's just SO much information everywhere that I didn't even know existed!


    and yes, that's exactly what I'm worried about when I think about taking DS to say goodbye to DH...I'm afraid it's almost like he'll blame me for dropping Daddy off and not bringing him back home. I've never felt such an emotional rollercoaster in my life..and DH tells me to put it to the back of my mind for now and not stress....
    I explained to DS that DH had to goto work. Like he does everyday but this time he had to go for longer, so we didn't want to leave his car where it could get stolen. So I brought him to work.
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    #8
    My 3 & 4 years have had a hard time. Fortunately, we do get to Skype a lot, but it has been a challenge. We talk about the fact that Daddy has to do "Army work" protecting us. A friend of ours gave us an AWESOME book called "Hero Dad" by Melinda Hardin. It is written for a young audience and has really resonated with my girls - we read it every night.
  9. i will NOT limbo in Idaho
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by NGwife07 View Post
    Thanks so much! I'm finding so much more information then I could have imagined here with all you ladies I definitely want to get a daddy doll for DS. I was looking a little bit at the military onesource yesterday while at work but didn't get a chance to really check everything out. There's just SO much information everywhere that I didn't even know existed!


    and yes, that's exactly what I'm worried about when I think about taking DS to say goodbye to DH...I'm afraid it's almost like he'll blame me for dropping Daddy off and not bringing him back home. I've never felt such an emotional rollercoaster in my life..and DH tells me to put it to the back of my mind for now and not stress....

    No problem. My DD is only 18 MO so she can't vocalize any blame. DH left when she was 14MO and she would cry for "Dayee" and ask for him every day. It's heartbreaking and she still asks for him, but kids learn to cope. The "Over There" book is free through militaryonesource and on page says "My daddy would like to be here with me, but he has very important work he must do there."
    Is there something like a new parent support program or family readiness center that you have? They can give you a lot of information on what you could possibly expect with your DS's behavior and such. I know DD didn't eat solid food for 3 weeks and would only nurse, and her sleep got messed up. Not sure what all may happen with an older child but I'm sure there is someone who can tell you and help you.

    I know it's hard not to stress, but try to make the time you have before deployment enjoyable and not filled with stress and worry. We went to the beach and the zoo before DH left, it's nice to make memories and take lots of pictures.
    I also went to walmart.com and make DD and DH a little picture flip book (It was only $4 per book) of pictures of the two of them. DH carries his in his pocket and DD loves to look at hers. Walmarts photo things are fun and are awesome (also made DH a pillow case with a picture of DD and I). Maybe making your DS a pillowcase with your DHs pic on it would help.

    There are a LOT of resources out there for military families you just have to be willing to look for them <3
    I'm LeAndra

    Married to James since October 2008
    Lorelai Feb 2010
    Beckham July 2012
    I am a Christian & SAHM/W

    If you have any questions about massage therapy, breastfeeding, natural birth, Your Baby Can Read, teaching kids sign language or whatever...feel free to ask!
    PS~ Please excuse any typos for the time being...I've almost always got an arm full of baby
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    #10
    My daughter was a month shy of 2 when my husband left. For me, the anticipation of him leaving, and actually watching him walk and fly away were the hardest parts. He left early in the morning, so I didn't take DD with me when he left. After the first week they're gone, things seemed to get a lot easier for me. My daughter acted out a little bit, but she adjusted quickly and she's been doing fine since he left and now she likes to tell me everything her daddy is going to do with her when he gets home. It's not at easy task dealing with your own emotions and also having to explain things to a little one, but you can do it. Just be honest about what is happening and how you're feeling. Before you know it, it will all be behind you.
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