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Thread: my daugther and the ex

  1. gypsy with a stethoscope
    unicornmystery's Avatar
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    #1

    Confused my daugther and the ex

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    This is my daughter's first deployment with her soon to be step father. They are really close. She has taking it very hard. She sleeps with his shirt. I am mostly worried about this summer, she goes for visitation with her real father and he hates the miitary ( my family is military and it has always been a button for him to push with me, let's just say he isn't the nicest man) I know he is going to talk bad about my fiancee which is going to really hurt my daugther and he is not going to let her write him which I know is upsetting her. I told her she can write when she gets back or write and save them and I will send the letters when she gets back if he lets her write. He will probably say some thing about the dog tags she has on ( she wears them every day since she was given them) that say stay army strong and always in my thoughts with his name. I want to perpare her and protect her but I dont really know what to say to explain it and in reality I shouldn't have to, my ex should be more mature. She is nine. I just want it to be as less stressful for her as it can be and for her to enjoy the summer, she already has enough on her mind. Any advice?
    Last edited by unicornmystery; 05-26-2011 at 11:00 PM. Reason: spelling
  2. You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead
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    #2
    Don't really have much advice in this situation but am sending many to you and your daughter.

    Maybe you can sit down with her with just explain that if her father says mean things about the military and her step-father to just ignore it. Hopefully he will let her write or she will be able to write and have you send them later. Or she can keep a journal of her summer experience and she can show him when he gets home.


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    #3
    for you

    “It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.”
    ― Rose Kennedy
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    #4
    This is a sad situation, I wish i had advice for you, the best you can do is hope that your ex offers to notsay those things to her just to spite you, hopefully he loves her enough that, his dislike for the military gets put onto her, she doesn't deserve that shes a child.
  5. I just can't even...
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    #5
    From the way you talk about your ex it seems like you two don't have the best relationship now. Is there anyway you can talk to him and just ask him not to talk badly about your SO? Explain to him it's not for your sake but for your daughter's sake. You don't have to tell him that they have grown very close because that might harbor some resentment, but express that your daughter is 9 and she really isn't old enough to understand everything going on.

    That's all I got. Sorry I don't have better advice. I hope your daughter is able to write him despite her bio-dad being mean about it.
  6. gypsy with a stethoscope
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    #6
    Thanks every one. Hopefully it all will be ok. I have recently talked to my daughter as well as some of my family members who are military or spouses and kids and that seemed to help some. Mostly they told her to just enjoy the summer leave all things military behind so he don't mess with them and she will have them when she returns home and that her soon to be step dad is always in her head and heart and no one can take that away. And that her bio dads feelings have nothing to do with her.
  7. Banned
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    #7
    I love the journal idea. I did that for DH this last time and he did one for me too. It was really nice to read it when he got home.

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