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Thread: How do I get my son to like his father after deployment?

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    #1

    How do I get my son to like his father after deployment?

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    My husband was here when our first son was born back in September of 2008. In December of 2008 he sent me and our son to live with my mom in Florida. We rarely got to see him before he deployed in May of 2009. So our son doesn't know his father. Last time they saw each other our son was 8 months old and now he is gonna be like 19 or 20 months when DH gets back from deployment. How am I gonna get my son to like his father without him crying when he gets picked up by him? I want him to like his dad but I am afraid he isn't going to but I can understand if he don't like him right off the bat since he won't be able to remember who he is. Any suggestions will help.

    Thanks Amanda
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    #2
    have you been showing him daddys pictures and maybe having him listen to a recording of his voice? both of those works wonders and really do help while daddy is away
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    #3
    There is nothing you can do to avoid a little awkwardness at first. However, you can help it to be a shorter time period by doing some things. Talk about him to your kiddo. Have your DH read a book and record it and then play the recording while going through the book. That will help make his voice familiar. Get a picture and laminate it so your son can see him...



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    #4
    Can daddy access a webcam? Do you have home videos you can put on? Children adapt quickly, to you both.
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    #5
    I was worried about that also since DS was only 3 months when DH left. To try and help I laminated some pictures of daddy and there was always one in the crib with him at night, he has a 'daddy doll' also with his picture, DH recorded bedtime stories before he left and that is what he would listen to at night and we would talk over skype while he was up so that they could 'talk'. When DH came home there was absolutely no awkwardness. It was like daddy had never left. They had fun together and DS's only problem with him was when he was told no and then of course he would come and try and make me feel sorry for him . And now that DH is gone again DS is even more interactive with him on skype.
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    #6
    Great suggestions! May I add that the one who will have the hardest time will be your husband, even if he won't say it. Your little guy will go through the time of getting used to daddy again, and he will be fine. I think that a talk with your husband, about the truth of the situation, that small children need an adjustment time, and he should not take it personally. Then resist the urge to jump in all the time to rescue either of them, allowing them to work out their own relationship again (not easy to do, for sure) but worth the pain.
    Use all those good suggestions, but don't worry, you will all make it, none the worse for wear!
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    #7
    I don't have kids, so I really have no advice to give you. But I couldn't help but want to offer and . I'm sure things will be okay.
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    #8
    I HOPE THIS ADVICE DIDNT COME TO LATE-
    I work as a nanny for a dual military family and they have a 3 year old son. Since he has been born, his dad has been deployed 4 times and his mom 3 times (two of their deployments over lapped so both parents were gone for about 9 months). I started as their nanny shortly after he was born so I have been through it all with him/them.
    Being through this rodeo several times, and thinking each time will become easier(I am not going to lie) it doesnt BUT that doesnt mean there is no hope.

    My best piece of advice and what I found what works best with us is to smoothly transition your DH back into your sons life because even though he is his father, he(your DH) is still a stranger to him(your son). BEST BEST BEST piece of advice I could give you is for the first couple days maybe week, dont leave your son alone with your DH. I know my little guy freaked out thinking that I was now leaving him, I am guessing it is coming for the moms home now dads leaves now dads home now mom leave then they both are gone lifestyle he has grown up in.
    Also, skype works wonders if you and your DH are able to use it, that way your son will be able to put a face to the voice to the person he will come to know and trust as his father.

    I hope this helps you alot, and if you need anymore hints, tips or tricks like I said this is not my first rodeo just feel free to message me I am a wealth of knowledge here

    much love and support
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    #9
    I have found that it is a little strange for everyone, everyone getting use to life together again. Just be prepared for acting out and them going to dad instead of you as they see you as the "bad guy" since you are keeping with the rules and dad doesn't know all of them. I found that the more I talked about DH and would let her email him it made her feel closer somehow.
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    #10
    i'm not really sure i can get a correct answer but i'm really sorry you and your son are going through this.
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