My 4 1/2 year old... reacting to the deployment?

[aubrey]

DH has been in Afghanistan for the past 3 1/2 months now. Before this deployment, he would leave for training for a couple of weeks to a month at a time, and almost every time DS would regress w/ potty training for a while at about the two-week mark (w/ pooping). He did it again this deployment, and stopped. Well, around 2 weeks ago, at about the 3 month mark, he started doing it again, pooping his pants, every day. Not only that, he started pooping in the bathtub! (He was fully potty trained by 2 1/2 years old.) Needless to say, this has been driving me crazy. That's not the only thing, he's acting out in other ways too.

DH only calls 1-2 times a week, and there has been no webcam since he left. When he calls it is unfortunately usually after the kids are in bed. But when it's not, the kids DON'T want to talk to DH. They flat out refuse. It seems like DS is angry w/ DH. He also tore off the pictures of DH that I had on his wall. When I talk to him about Daddy, he says he loves him and misses him and wants him home. But he doesn't want to talk TO him.

I'm looking for advice on what to do w/ DS. I'm SO tired w/ dealing w/ him, and I don't know what to do anymore.

[kendermom]

Love him. Give him hugs and kisses. Remember that when they haven't been housebroken that long, any little change is cause for regression - moving, younger siblings doing anything new and interesting, starting pre-school, or Daddy going away.

I keep a screen saver with pictures of DH and the kids; granted, he's not deployed, but we haven't been with him in almost a year (training, OCONUS PCS, EFMP fiascoes, the works)

If it really worries you though, talk to the pediatrician. They are, usually, your best source for things like this.

My 3 year old will talk to Daddy, but he thinks that everyone that calls is Daddy. His 10 year old sister refuses every time.

At 4 1/2, your son is going to be confused why Daddy isn't home, and mad that he's not home. Not to sound crass, but he's young and will get over this eventually. He may decide he wants to talk to his Dad later - give him the choice every chance you get. Or, put the phone on speaker (if you've got a way to do it)

[Kaymara]

Aubrey

Are you still out in Temecula? Maybe getting him around other kiddos who are in the same boat and such. Ethan will be 5 in Nov and Rod just left for deployment earlier this month. He REALLY acted out. He was ok for the workups but he LOST it the night Rod left for the full on deployment. I mean he broke down almost completely, cried, freaked out etc. Since then he has been ok, but he keeps teasing his sister saying daddy will be home tomorrow which he knows is BS. He knows how long and he is doing it to act out

They do say in some ways regression on certain things is totally normal. Ours is sleeping. He gets ticked and keeps wanting to sleep in my bed and I never co-slept lol. So all I can really do is try and keep things consistant. We got those operation kid comfort quilts and I let him "email" daddy and such and that seems to help some. The not wanting to talk to him is really normal. And it tends to get worse before it gets better. We went thru that last deployment

I've moved so all my numbers and junk are different but am on facebook and I do check in here peridiocially if ya need anything. G'luck and I hope it does get better