She is mad

[CandyCoated]

My 7 year old is angry. She has expressed her anger towards her father. She is so young to conclude that. However she doesn't want to talk to him on the phone. She will take the phone and say "hi dad, want to talk to my little sister?" and hand off the phone. Every so often she says she misses her father. She will draw him pictures and even cry about him not seeing things or being around. But whenever we talk on the phone she doesn't want to talk to him.
She finally talked to him tonight and told him she is mad that he chose the military. She told him she hates California. She hates the heat. She hates... she hates... she hates...
Jesse tried to explain. But as soon as he started talking she said "okay dad. bye" and put the phone down. Jesse maybe said 1 sentence.
It really hasn't been easy for any of us since we have gotten to California. But to it all to effect her this way.
Any advice?
BTW, she is already speaking to a counselor.

[christi724]

maybe she could write a letter that had one part of the things she hates or is angry at and then one part of what is good. Then maybe she could start thinking what she would like to do to get things from the I hate side to the I like side. Maybe she could create a care package with school mates and then send to her dad that would make her feel more connected to him? Also, may she could make a video the pictures and what happened in her days...kind of a video journal just for her dad. The phone may just bring a rush of emotion she can't get out all at once?

[CandyCoated]

Well her counseling session was this afternoon and the counselor sat me down. She said my daughter has rage. She said she clearly has abandonment issues and they are getting worse. I'm at a loss =( I don't know what to do? I asked her counselor about ideas, suggestions. All she said was we first had to get my daughter to understand what her anger means. But all of it is 100% directed towards her father. And she Idolizes me. Her counselor said i'm so high on the scale to her, that she see's herself AS me. And something has to change.
I have been at a loss all day. Trying to sort all the pieces together. My daughter is outgoing, easy, fun, SMART, and a cool chick. I see some of the behavior. But i don't see it as bad as the counselor says it is.
But what do i do?

[LuvMySailor4ever]

First of all and

It's common for her age group to have issues like this come up
also I think it's very normal for her to recent her dad for being gone. Who wouldn't at that age?

They can't understand the 'bigger picture'. However, here's the thing, if she is being 'disrespectful' or seeing herself as the 'woman of the house next to you', that's not healthy. Obviously, your counselor is heading in that direction by telling you something has to change. Make sure that you don't soften up too much on her because 'oh she just misses him" as the excuse. I don't think she understands fully what her anger and 'hurt' means. It's hard to get through to their thinking but she needs to be reminded by her dad that he LOVES her and that nothing has changed in the family structure. Maybe he could write her a story or a poem that would make her feel special in his world, even if he is far far away.

Children, no matter how young, they can see things deeper than we give them credit for. She appears to be really smart and I hope she can open her mind to the fact that her daddy did NOT abandon her. Gosh, just the thought of that breaks my heart.
I hope as time goes on, with counseling and strong communication, that she will accept this military life. It can definitely be hard on a child to be asked to grow up a little faster to accept this life.
I hope she comes around! in fact, i'm sure she will eventually!

[CandyCoated]

LuvMySailor4Ever, thank you.

We have had issues with the "mother daughter" roll. Even when her father was home. It is a constant reminder to her of who is the parent. She has never been given more responsability to even make her think she can do this. It's a power struggle. However, the anger for her father has gone on for over a year now and it doesn't seem to get any easier for her.
I really pray you are right. That she will come around.

[LuvMySailor4ever]

You know, little girls absolutely adore their fathers! I think the pain of him not being there is overwhelming her. Especially, since you guys recently moved to California. So, now she's dealing with that change too. Children need stability, that being said, I never had any growing up and in the end, it does work out. It can be more difficult for her and probably really draining for you at times, but just be strong, hold your own, don't let her run over you and I'm always here if you need to talk

[Bridget<3Avery]

I remember my dad deploying when I was a little girl. Sometimes I couldn't distinguish my feelings and it was easier for it to come out as anger. It was an easier emotion to express. I missed my father so much. Maybe your daughter is in the same situation. It'll be hard to remedy the situation right now since your husband isn't home but maybe there can be a day that your husband takes her out for a one on one father/daughter day. That may make her feel better and maybe he can bring up the deployment stuff.

[CandyCoated]

Originally Posted by Bridget<3Avery I remember my dad deploying when I was a little girl. Sometimes I couldn't distinguish my feelings and it was easier for it to come out as anger. It was an easier emotion to express. I missed my father so much. Maybe your daughter is in the same situation. It'll be hard to remedy the situation right now since your husband isn't home but maybe there can be a day that your husband takes her out for a one on one father/daughter day. That may make her feel better and maybe he can bring up the deployment stuff.

GREAT IDEA! I know JUST the thing for them to do. I'll talk to him about it. I'm sure he'll jump on board with the idea.

Hopefully we can get through all of this. And thank you so much for your support.