My son keeps asking for his daddy

[mxngurl956]

Okay so heres the think I have a 4 year old and a 9 month old. My 4 year old was conceived in my previous marriage....before I got with my hubby. Now my DF has been raising my son since he was 2 1/2, my son love him and calls him daddy. He can't live without his daddy. Just the other day. Something came out in the news about Iraq and my son was watching it and he asked me "mommy is daddy there?" and I said "yes baby daddy is there" and since then on he's been asking when is daddy coming home. Just yesterday I talked to my hubby over the instant messenger phone and he told my son to get his shoes on cause daddy was coming for him. My son did as he said and he stayed all day waiting for his daddy. I dont know how to explain to him that daddy is not coming home soon. What do I do?

[Taressa]

the worse thing to do is create stress for him. my DH works on the turbines on the ships, so we tell the boys that Daddy is gone because if the ship breaks he needs to fix it. we also always tell them that daddy has to go away for a while because someone elses daddy was gong for a very long time and he needs to make sure they can come home to see their family so its our turn to have our daddy leave for a long time, then someone elses daddy will go and ours will come home. at 4 its hard to know how much they really understand and grasp my youngest is 6 and he has to have his dads colonge all over his bear and pillow. last week he couldn't fall asleep. went into my room sprayed cologne all over my bed. it stunk so freaken bad i had to open the windows then the next day wash the sheets, when i walked up the stairs my eyes watered it was so strong. but when i got into my room and turned on the light, my son was passed out holding DH's pillow with tears dried on his little face. stinking like a man that just left a brothel. i hope you can find a way to explain it to him without scareing him that is the hard part. the news can be such a horrible thing for them to hear but we can't control everything all the time. maybe get a map for him and put a pin where he is and where daddy is? so he has a visual?

[Victoria]

Originally Posted by iluvsgtyanez Okay so heres the think I have a 4 year old and a 9 month old. My 4 year old was conceived in my previous marriage....before I got with my hubby. Now my DF has been raising my son since he was 2 1/2, my son love him and calls him daddy. He can't live without his daddy. Just the other day. Something came out in the news about Iraq and my son was watching it and he asked me "mommy is daddy there?" and I said "yes baby daddy is there" and since then on he's been asking when is daddy coming home. Just yesterday I talked to my hubby over the instant messenger phone and he told my son to get his shoes on cause daddy was coming for him. My son did as he said and he stayed all day waiting for his daddy. I dont know how to explain to him that daddy is not coming home soon. What do I do?

I personally think it was a bad idea to have told him to get his shoes on cause daddy was coming home. At that age, it's hard for them to understand the concept of time, so thinking daddy is coming home can mean NOW to him...kwim?!

What I would do is mark the calendar for the MONTH when he'd due home, and do a counting up or counting down to his arrival. Make a paper chain, then cut off each cuff as each day goes on. Get creative!!!! Order the Elmo dvd for him that pertains to deployments.

[mxngurl956]

you always have something good to say thax so much...my son usually wears his daddys cologne to school and he says that daddy is in iraq beating up the bad guys..but thank you so much..i'll surely take your advice...

[mxngurl956]

I like that elmo dvd idea...seems like somthing he'll like..i'll look for it...tysm...(thank you so much) ...

[Victoria]

Originally Posted by iluvsgtyanez I like that elmo dvd idea...seems like somthing he'll like..i'll look for it...tysm...(thank you so much) ...

http://www.sesameworkshop.org/tlc/


YW!!! I hope it works out for your son!!!

[Taressa]

if you have a homecoming month that you know about, we are filling a jar up with M&M's to give to daddy, every day we put on in the jar the boys love doing it and its a positive thing counting up is good, instead of down since if the homecoming changes and he gets extended its just more of a treat for him. i am real big on visuals for kids it really helps them wrap their head around it without scaring the bejesus out of them. also maybe let him sleep with a daddy t shirt. my friend made a pillow case for her DH with pictures of them on it. maybe you could make him a daddy t shirt, and let him wear it around the house so he feels that daddy is always with him? just a few ideas

[mxngurl956]

i like that..thanx my hubby broght him a shirt when he came for rnr that say my daddy is over there and has a map of iraq and a us soldier on it...he just wont take it off for anything...just to go to schoo....and he uses his colonge and wants to wear his shoes...for sure i like the m&m idea

[mxngurl956]

thanx i'll use that link he likes elmo so i am sure he'll have fun and learn something...thanx agian

Originally Posted by Victoria http://www.sesameworkshop.org/tlc/ YW!!! I hope it works out for your son!!!

[jefferysgirl33]

im creative too. and i really like that M&M idea. i dont have kids yet... but i think i could get excited just doing that for myself. lol. knowin me id eat the M&Ms. lol. but i think that is a really cool idea!!

=)