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Thread: How do you make the holiday's work??

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    #1

    Help How do you make the holiday's work??

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    DB and I are having our first holiday season together this year. It's starts with Thanksgiving, then his birthday November 30th, Christmas, New years and my best friends wedding, my birthday Feb 1st, and our anniversary on Valentines day.

    We figured out Thanksgiving. I'm going to have dinner with my mom and dad at like 2, he flies in at 430, and then I'm going to have dinner with his family. He has said that he will spend the entire time with his family, except the football game that we're going to with mine on Saturday that my mom got us tickets for.

    And then there is Christmas, which is undecided.

    The part we're having issues with is splitting up the time. We're both essentially only children (he's got a 1/2 sister that is 12 years older) so we both want our time. But they like to pull the "he was in afghanistan" card and "he lives so far apart and we never get to see him" card on me and so I end up spending a lot of my time with him and his family. And they expect me to be there. They aren't being mean in any way. The just always expect us together, as far as they are concerned there is no him without me or me without him (they said he couldn't go on vacation with them without me ) so I know it's not a problem with that. I just don't think they think about the time I spend away from my family. And since I never see him, when he's in town I don't spend time with my parents so that I can see him. But that's besides the point.

    How do ya'll split up the holiday's? He lives in CO, I live in Charlotte, and our parents live in Durham (about 2.5 hours from Charlotte).

    Any suggestions?
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    #2
    We alternate holidays... Christmas with his even years, with mine on odd years... same goes with other holidays too.
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    #3
    DH's immediate family lives 3 hours away from my family. But he has a lot of extended family about 10 minutes away from my family. So what we generally do is split Thanksgiving. Have 2 dinners (Which I don't mind too much, because I love his Grandma, but she can't cook gravy to save her life... And I need my gravy!)

    Then Christmas was a little bit harder. Since his family didn't drive out we had to visit them. But I personally think it would work better if they were close because you can still split but spend less time traveling. We spent Christmas Eve at my parents (And part of Christmas morning since we slept there) And then around 10ish we drove out to his parents and spend the rest of Christmast afternoon with them. He has traditions that he loves that they do all day Christmas. And Christmas Eve is the big day in my family. So it works for us. So I guess what I'm saying is, tell his family "I understand you haven't seen him because he's been gone, but my family hasn't seen him either. So We'll spend Christmas Eve with you, then Christmas Day we'll be with my family." Or vice versa. I can understand where they're coming from, but if you don't have boundries now then every year you will have the same dilema IMO
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Justangelyn View Post
    DH's immediate family lives 3 hours away from my family. But he has a lot of extended family about 10 minutes away from my family. So what we generally do is split Thanksgiving. Have 2 dinners (Which I don't mind too much, because I love his Grandma, but she can't cook gravy to save her life... And I need my gravy!)

    Then Christmas was a little bit harder. Since his family didn't drive out we had to visit them. But I personally think it would work better if they were close because you can still split but spend less time traveling. We spent Christmas Eve at my parents (And part of Christmas morning since we slept there) And then around 10ish we drove out to his parents and spend the rest of Christmast afternoon with them. He has traditions that he loves that they do all day Christmas. And Christmas Eve is the big day in my family. So it works for us. So I guess what I'm saying is, tell his family "I understand you haven't seen him because he's been gone, but my family hasn't seen him either. So We'll spend Christmas Eve with you, then Christmas Day we'll be with my family." Or vice versa. I can understand where they're coming from, but if you don't have boundries now then every year you will have the same dilema IMO
    I really like that point. I haven't even thought about that, but it's so true! I'm being a little more lenient this year with things, especially since he is flying in later thanksgiving day. But I flat out told him that it scares me for future years and that every year wasn't going to be like this (where I give up my time and he gets to be a selfish pain in the ass).

    Thanks for the advice, I like the way you guys do things and I'm going to try to talk him in to something like that for Christmas.
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    #5
    My family moves holidays around, we always have.

    Last year, I couldn't get off work of school for Thanksgiving, so DB came here, but for Christmas, I flew out to his parent's house and met DB there, we had Christmas there, and then drove back to my parent's house and had Christmas with my family on Dec 29. It worked out great for us, but I know rescheduling holidays doesn't always work for everyone.

    I hope you get it figured out!
    Last edited by Just_Special; 10-13-2010 at 05:28 PM. Reason: typo

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    Our families live in the same city. When we're home for the holidays we just kind of arbitrarily split up the days, and usually each family invites the other to participate in the days we will be at their houses. (And usually each family declines- it's just a courtesy thing for them. ) We've never been home for Thanksgiving so I'm not sure how we would work that, and I don't think we'll ever be home for Christmas again.

    I honestly prefer just to do our own thing here at home, and anyone who wants to is welcome to come visit us. My family is super laid-back and wouldn't be hurt if we came to town and only saw them once, and his parents are high-strung about "even time" so we tend to spend a bit more time with them just so they can't be offended at all. The best way for us to hurt nobody's feelings? Is to not go home.
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    #7
    We have been together for 2 years and we've only spent holidays with my family. But that's because his family lives in Montana and Washington. LOL!




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    #8
    DH and I always alternate... Like one year thanksgiving we will start at his parents house.. then leave there and go and eat more at my families... then when christmas comes we start at my parents house.. then a few hours later head to his parents house... then the next year Thanksgiving would be started at my parents then xmas at his parents... sort of confusing!
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Loving View Post
    Our families live in the same city. When we're home for the holidays we just kind of arbitrarily split up the days, and usually each family invites the other to participate in the days we will be at their houses. (And usually each family declines- it's just a courtesy thing for them. ) We've never been home for Thanksgiving so I'm not sure how we would work that, and I don't think we'll ever be home for Christmas again.

    I honestly prefer just to do our own thing here at home, and anyone who wants to is welcome to come visit us. My family is super laid-back and wouldn't be hurt if we came to town and only saw them once, and his parents are high-strung about "even time" so we tend to spend a bit more time with them just so they can't be offended at all. The best way for us to hurt nobody's feelings? Is to not go home.
    I told him that when we are married, living together, and settled that this is what we are doing because I don't like doing this. He agreed that that would be better. Man I can't wait until those days are here!
    There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful
    as expectation of something better tomorrow.


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    #10
    We do Christmas Eve with my family, and Christmas Day with his.

    We got really lucky that we grew up with our families celebrating on different days.
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