sadness, i want opinions - General Parenting

ash · 12-10-2005, 02:50 AM

I might be the carrier of FRAGILE X, a chromosome issue that could affect any male children I have, making them mentally retarded among other possible problems. the blood work is really really expensive to see if i am a carrier and i dont want kids for at least 4 years anyways, but should I just skip the blood work and take my chances? i have always wanted a son, but I have lived with a mentally retarded sister (who i love to death) and it is hard, and with db being navy it would be even harder to have a special child. I dont know if I should just write off the thought of ever having kids or what?

Jill · 12-10-2005, 02:57 AM

what is the percentage of your son being mentally ill? 30%? 50%?

when i was pregnant i chose not to have any testing done. i knew that whatever kind of child He gave us i would love and care for. if the percentage is very high and you know what you can and can not handle, then maybe you should go another route.

ash · 12-10-2005, 03:02 AM

Originally Posted by Jill

what is the percentage of your son being mentally ill? 30%? 50%?

when i was pregnant i chose not to have any testing done. i knew that whatever kind of child He gave us i would love and care for. if the percentage is very high and you know what you can and can not handle, then maybe you should go another route.

i have no clue about the percentage. it just sucks, i remember my great uncle who was fragile x and he was fully functioning but he died fairly young. I just feel like I want to get the bloodwork done and decide now, when i am 18, not wait til i am 22 and ready to have kids and have my hopes crushed. but my mom says i should just live with it either way.. its such a hard thing

Caimbrie · 12-10-2005, 11:28 AM

I've never had any genetic testing done or anything before I had my kids and I chose not to have any testing done during my pregnant for downs syndrom or anything. I've always said that even if my child was to be mentally disabled I would still have them and love them the same anyway.

Now if they told you the chances are above 50% then I would think about it.. but it is well below that I would have children.. but that is just me. Having children has always been one of the most important things to me.

Jill · 12-10-2005, 11:31 AM

i dont want to get "religious" on ya because i dont know your opinions and views BUT....

i am!

i truly believe that He only gives you what you can handle. if he thinks you will be a great mom with boys with problems then you have to believe that you can do. and who to say that you have all girls.

Kaymara · 12-10-2005, 11:44 AM

I had the quad screen while I was pregnant. The results would not of affected my decision to have him. But dh wanted to prepare in case there was markers for downs and what not. So I did the testing.

If you want to get the testing done then I would. Essentially it is YOUR decision to have the testing done. Just because you get the testing done doesn't mean you can't try to get pregnant or whatever. And I would not write off getting pregnant on a possibility. Once you get the testing done then you can decide if you want to. There is only a 50% chance you will have a boy. Then whatever percentile is the chances of the boy having it. So it isn't as high as you think.

G'luck to you

12-10-2005, 12:10 PM

i would get the testing done and im pretty sure the navy will pay for it. its something to look into this way you will know for sure and you can go from there.

Jodi · 12-10-2005, 12:14 PM

I personally think I would get the testing done now to find out if I was a carrier. This way even if you end up taking your chances and getting pregnant you will already either know you are a carrier and have had years to prepare yourself for the possiblity of a special needs child, or know that you are not a carrier and not have to deal with the stress of wondering if you are or not while being pregnant. Also if you found out you were a carrier you could look into sperm sorting for a girl. I know it isn't 100% successful yet but in a few more years when you are ready it might be.

ash · 12-10-2005, 01:57 PM

Originally Posted by mamaoftwins+1

i would get the testing done and im pretty sure the navy will pay for it. its something to look into this way you will know for sure and you can go from there.

yeah db said that once we are married I will have way more options since it wont be my parnets insurance making the decisions and my parents having any say at all.

I also believe that God doenst give you more than you can handle but I just dont know if it would be best for a special needs child to live with me ever.

. and then I feel like, why i am in school getting my degree if when I get out I wont get to work because I have this child that needs constant care.

ash · 12-10-2005, 01:57 PM

Originally Posted by Jodi

. Also if you found out you were a carrier you could look into sperm sorting for a girl. I know it isn't 100% successful yet but in a few more years when you are ready it might be.

that is a good idea

12-10-2005, 02:50 AM	#1 (permalink)
ash i love the red sox Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 15,128 Blog Entries: 1 Classifieds: (1) Activity: 51% Longevity: 68%	sadness, i want opinions I might be the carrier of FRAGILE X, a chromosome issue that could affect any male children I have, making them mentally retarded among other possible problems. the blood work is really really expensive to see if i am a carrier and i dont want kids for at least 4 years anyways, but should I just skip the blood work and take my chances? i have always wanted a son, but I have lived with a mentally retarded sister (who i love to death) and it is hard, and with db being navy it would be even harder to have a special child. I dont know if I should just write off the thought of ever having kids or what? __________________ relaying for the bff, as always, but on his behalf this year as well. i would love for him to win #1 top fundraiser. Every single dollar counts!

12-10-2005, 11:28 AM	#4 (permalink)
Caimbrie MilitarySOS Jewel Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Goose Creek, SC Posts: 40,117 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 74% Longevity: 69%	I've never had any genetic testing done or anything before I had my kids and I chose not to have any testing done during my pregnant for downs syndrom or anything. I've always said that even if my child was to be mentally disabled I would still have them and love them the same anyway. Now if they told you the chances are above 50% then I would think about it.. but it is well below that I would have children.. but that is just me. Having children has always been one of the most important things to me. __________________

12-10-2005, 11:44 AM	#6 (permalink)
Kaymara Behind every keystroke is a real person Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Somewhere over the rainbow Posts: 27,350 Classifieds: (7) Activity: 40% Longevity: 99%	I had the quad screen while I was pregnant. The results would not of affected my decision to have him. But dh wanted to prepare in case there was markers for downs and what not. So I did the testing. If you want to get the testing done then I would. Essentially it is YOUR decision to have the testing done. Just because you get the testing done doesn't mean you can't try to get pregnant or whatever. And I would not write off getting pregnant on a possibility. Once you get the testing done then you can decide if you want to. There is only a 50% chance you will have a boy. Then whatever percentile is the chances of the boy having it. So it isn't as high as you think. G'luck to you __________________ Surviving deployment #5

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12-10-2005, 02:57 AM	#2 (permalink)
Jill It must be nice to live in your world Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Northern Virginia Posts: 6,086 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 16% Longevity: 87%	what is the percentage of your son being mentally ill? 30%? 50%? when i was pregnant i chose not to have any testing done. i knew that whatever kind of child He gave us i would love and care for. if the percentage is very high and you know what you can and can not handle, then maybe you should go another route.

12-10-2005, 11:31 AM	#5 (permalink)
Jill It must be nice to live in your world Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Northern Virginia Posts: 6,086 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 16% Longevity: 87%	i dont want to get "religious" on ya because i dont know your opinions and views BUT.... i am! i truly believe that He only gives you what you can handle. if he thinks you will be a great mom with boys with problems then you have to believe that you can do. and who to say that you have all girls.

12-10-2005, 12:10 PM	#7 (permalink)
mamaoftwins+1 Guest Posts: n/a Activity: 0% Longevity: 0%	i would get the testing done and im pretty sure the navy will pay for it. its something to look into this way you will know for sure and you can go from there.

12-10-2005, 12:14 PM	#8 (permalink)
Jodi Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,708 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 67%	I personally think I would get the testing done now to find out if I was a carrier. This way even if you end up taking your chances and getting pregnant you will already either know you are a carrier and have had years to prepare yourself for the possiblity of a special needs child, or know that you are not a carrier and not have to deal with the stress of wondering if you are or not while being pregnant. Also if you found out you were a carrier you could look into sperm sorting for a girl. I know it isn't 100% successful yet but in a few more years when you are ready it might be.