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Thread: Letters To My Children

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    #1

    Letters To My Children

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    Dearest Child One,

    You can do Joey Scouts if you want to. You can do Auskick (little kid Aussie Rules football) if you want to. You can't do both. I know you want to do both, and I know you have friends in both...but nothing you say to me is going to make it possible for you to do both, so please, just PICK ONE.

    Love,
    Ma


    Most beloved Child Two,

    You loved Granny Smiths last week. You asked me specifically to buy them for you, because you loved them that much. What the hell is going on? Just eat your apples.

    Love,
    Ma
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    Ohh, I like this.



    Dear Eldest Child,

    You are in fifth grade. You should know if and when you have a quarterly project due, and you should be able to tell me sooner than THE NIGHT BEFORE IT IS DUE. I love you, but I do not love your organizational skills - or lack thereof, as it were.

    In dwindling patience,
    Mom
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    Dearest Child One,

    I did try to tell you that eating an entire bag of mini-eggs would make you feel sick. Now you're on your own.

    Love,
    Ma

    PS: I appreciate the sentiment, but don't try to feed mini-eggs to your sister. She hasn't got the teeth for them.
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    Dear Python Daughter,

    I know you're a growing girl, but please try to refrain from starting your meal until I have left your room. I feel quite bad enough for your dinner already, thank you.

    Love,
    Mom
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    Most beloved Child Two,

    I still love you, but a part of me is seriously considering selling you to the circus. How did you even GET to my fountain pen? Never mind breaking it in such a way that I STILL can't figure out how to mend it? I would be impressed, if not for the fact that you...you know, destroyed my good pen.

    Love,
    Ma


    Sweet Girltwin,

    You have a beautiful smile, my little one. You should do it a lot

    Love,
    Food
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    Quote Originally Posted by Matchbox View Post
    Most beloved Child Two,

    I still love you, but a part of me is seriously considering selling you to the circus. How did you even GET to my fountain pen? Never mind breaking it in such a way that I STILL can't figure out how to mend it? I would be impressed, if not for the fact that you...you know, destroyed my good pen.

    Love,
    Ma


    Sweet Girltwin,

    You have a beautiful smile, my little one. You should do it a lot

    Love,
    Food
    What brand?


    Tova-demon-cat, please, stop digging in my grave. You'll never get through the box. And I have no snacks down here.
    If you want my opinion on your relationship or life issues, just ask Villanelle!
    Quote Originally Posted by LittleMsSunshine View Post
    I think it's really funny when people come on here, and automatically assume that everyone here is a gung-ho, hoo-rah, i-bleed-red-white-and-blue, kiss-my-military-ass, people-in-uniform-can-do-no-wrong, and i'm-entitled-to-everything bitch.
    "RIP Blackie, and Whitey, New Whitey. Goodbye Poopers and Momma Beige and Lady Grey. New Blackie and the Whitey Sisters rule the roost now!"
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    Quote Originally Posted by Guynavywife View Post
    What brand?


    Tova-demon-cat, please, stop digging in my grave. You'll never get through the box. And I have no snacks down here.
    Pelikan. This is a large part of why I'm calling the circus - it was a gift, and I can't really afford to directly replace it one-for-one if it can't be fixed. The sole blessing is that he didn't find my stash of inks as well...
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Matchbox View Post
    Pelikan. This is a large p(art of why I'm calling the circus - it was a gift, and I can't really afford to directly replace it one-for-one if it can't be fixed. The sole blessing is that he didn't find my stash of inks as well...
    Ever peruse penaddict.com?
    They do great reviews of inks ( and pens)
    I personally like Lamy pens. Write well, and cheap enough to replace.
    If you want my opinion on your relationship or life issues, just ask Villanelle!
    Quote Originally Posted by LittleMsSunshine View Post
    I think it's really funny when people come on here, and automatically assume that everyone here is a gung-ho, hoo-rah, i-bleed-red-white-and-blue, kiss-my-military-ass, people-in-uniform-can-do-no-wrong, and i'm-entitled-to-everything bitch.
    "RIP Blackie, and Whitey, New Whitey. Goodbye Poopers and Momma Beige and Lady Grey. New Blackie and the Whitey Sisters rule the roost now!"
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    #9
    Sweet Girltwin

    Sleeping at night is a thing. Please remember how it works.

    Love
    Mama

    Sweet Boytwin

    That goes for you too.

    Love
    Mama
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    #10
    Dear Oldest Child,

    Please refrain from saying "Sorry, comrade," when you are being reprimanded. I cannot keep a straight face, which undermines your learning process.

    Love,
    Mom
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