I have no idea what to do - General Parenting

his little miss · 10-25-2009, 10:08 AM

Ok. My son will be two Dec 19th. He is very smart for his age and talking.
He knows how to have good manners but this morning when I handed him his grapes he would not say thank you so I took them back and told him to say thank you... over two hours later he has still not said it.
I know it may sound silly to some of you but to me it is not. I enjoy spoiling my son but will not have him be a spoiled brat.
I have tried talking to him, calling my husband to have him ask him to say thank you... tried having him feed me a grape and I said thank you so he would see what he is suppose to do.... spanked him... and he has been sitting in time out for a hour and still he wont say it.
This is hurting me more then him I believe. I hate this so much. I have never seen him be so stubborn before.
Anyone have any ideas of how else to handle this?

Amy · 10-25-2009, 10:11 AM

He's not being a spoiled brat, he's just being stubborn. He's probably very strong willed.

Don't let it hurt you- or parenthood is going to be very, very difficult.

his little miss · 10-25-2009, 10:13 AM

Originally Posted by Amy

He's not being a spoiled brat, he's just being stubborn. He's probably very strong willed.

Don't let it hurt you- or parenthood is going to be very, very difficult.

Sadly he gets being stubborn from me. I just dont know what to do now.... let him keep sitting in time out till he says it or what?

dollface · 10-25-2009, 10:14 AM

Its normal for them to rebel at this age and you just have to keep encouraging good behavior. He is still young and it is stll a learning process. I don't think that keeping him in time out for such an extended amount of time is effective. After a certain number of minutes, it can be useless as it pertains to the reason you put them in there because their attention span is short. I would not keep him in there more than the reccomended time frame which is one minute per year....so 2 min. max. I also don't reccomend spanking him over this particular issue because he is still new to the learning process and may not connect the spanking to the manners...he simply may not understand. The best way (in my opinion) is be firm about the manners, encourage them by correction and example, and just be consistent with your words. He WILL come around with positive reinforcement. Good luck my dear.

Amy · 10-25-2009, 10:16 AM

Originally Posted by his little miss

Sadly he gets being stubborn from me. I just dont know what to do now.... let him keep sitting in time out till he says it or what?

I'm stubborn too. I would just encourage the manners- thank him for using them, etc- but not punish him if he doesn't say please and thank you every time. Autumn is four and still doesn't always say please and thank you. You have to pick your battles- because there's going to be an increasing amount of them as he gets older.

his little miss · 10-25-2009, 10:23 AM

Ok. I have fed him and put him down for his nap. I just worry that the more he gets away with the worse it could get. I always here people say it is best to nip it in the butt.

Amy · 10-25-2009, 10:25 AM

Originally Posted by his little miss

Ok. I have fed him and put him down for his nap. I just worry that the more he gets away with the worse it could get. I always here people say it is best to nip it in the butt.

Honestly, it's really not that big of a deal if he doesn't say thank you every once in awhile. If you punish him for everything, he'll be in time out all day. Wait till he's 3.

mikeswife · 10-25-2009, 03:26 PM

I know how frustrating it can be. I thought two was bad, wait for three.

It is like on their third birthday something pops into their head saying "I can do what I want." Like they have just discovered they have choices.

But I think even at three they are still just being trained on how to act.

If ds does not ask politely for something and does not say thank you he just does not get the item or whatever. That is what works for him. He learned quickly that he needs to use his manners using this way. He still slips every once in a while but a quick reminder gets him back on track.

Your little onw will get it. And before you know it you will hear those words coming out on their own. For ds it started with others first, I think school had something to do with it. Now he, he just turned 3, normally say "May I please or Can I please" and "Thanks, Thank you" He is even starting to say "Your Welcome."

Don't be to hard on him, he'll get it.

Victoria · 10-25-2009, 03:32 PM

Originally Posted by his little miss

Ok. My son will be two Dec 19th. He is very smart for his age and talking.
He knows how to have good manners but this morning when I handed him his grapes he would not say thank you so I took them back and told him to say thank you... over two hours later he has still not said it.
I know it may sound silly to some of you but to me it is not. I enjoy spoiling my son but will not have him be a spoiled brat.
I have tried talking to him, calling my husband to have him ask him to say thank you... tried having him feed me a grape and I said thank you so he would see what he is suppose to do.... spanked him... and he has been sitting in time out for a hour and still he wont say it.
This is hurting me more then him I believe. I hate this so much. I have never seen him be so stubborn before.
Anyone have any ideas of how else to handle this?

Originally Posted by Amy

Honestly, it's really not that big of a deal if he doesn't say thank you every once in awhile. If you punish him for everything, he'll be in time out all day. Wait till he's 3.

I also think an hour for not saying "Thank you" is a bit excessive and spanking for not saying "Thank you". JMO!

Maybe start rewarding him for good behavior, rather than focusing hardcore on the bad?! Positive reinforcement?!

Victoria · 10-25-2009, 06:45 PM

As a mother of a child who has a slight speech delay, I've been taught to never harshly punish a child who refuses to say "please", "thank you", "you're welcome", etc.

I don't believe it's uncommon for a 22 month old to not express good manners verbally. With repetition your child will learn. Inflicting fear in your child isn't an ideal way to teach him manners.

"Being TOO strict at a young age is only going to cause more problems later down the road .. you have to let children have fun while implementing discipline," is something a good friend mentioned to me. I believe that to be very true! Have fun with teaching your child!

I believe that physical punishment over not saying "thank you" will cause a child to fear the parent and may cause a child to revert back to not talking at all.

Encouraging your child, instead of reverting to corporal punishment or other disciplinary actions, is an excellent technique in motivating a child to speak.

10-25-2009, 10:08 AM	#1 (permalink)
his little miss loving him with all my heart Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: VA Posts: 1,437 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 18% Longevity: 21%	I have no idea what to do Ok. My son will be two Dec 19th. He is very smart for his age and talking. He knows how to have good manners but this morning when I handed him his grapes he would not say thank you so I took them back and told him to say thank you... over two hours later he has still not said it. I know it may sound silly to some of you but to me it is not. I enjoy spoiling my son but will not have him be a spoiled brat. I have tried talking to him, calling my husband to have him ask him to say thank you... tried having him feed me a grape and I said thank you so he would see what he is suppose to do.... spanked him... and he has been sitting in time out for a hour and still he wont say it. This is hurting me more then him I believe. I hate this so much. I have never seen him be so stubborn before. Anyone have any ideas of how else to handle this? __________________

10-25-2009, 10:11 AM	#2 (permalink)
Amy Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Pearl Harbor, Hawaii Posts: 8,958 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 93% Longevity: 46%	He's not being a spoiled brat, he's just being stubborn. He's probably very strong willed. Don't let it hurt you- or parenthood is going to be very, very difficult. __________________

10-25-2009, 10:23 AM	#6 (permalink)
his little miss loving him with all my heart Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: VA Posts: 1,437 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 18% Longevity: 21%	Ok. I have fed him and put him down for his nap. I just worry that the more he gets away with the worse it could get. I always here people say it is best to nip it in the butt. __________________

10-25-2009, 03:26 PM	#8 (permalink)
mikeswife Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 762 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 12% Longevity: 67%	I know how frustrating it can be. I thought two was bad, wait for three. It is like on their third birthday something pops into their head saying "I can do what I want." Like they have just discovered they have choices. But I think even at three they are still just being trained on how to act. If ds does not ask politely for something and does not say thank you he just does not get the item or whatever. That is what works for him. He learned quickly that he needs to use his manners using this way. He still slips every once in a while but a quick reminder gets him back on track. Your little onw will get it. And before you know it you will hear those words coming out on their own. For ds it started with others first, I think school had something to do with it. Now he, he just turned 3, normally say "May I please or Can I please" and "Thanks, Thank you" He is even starting to say "Your Welcome." Don't be to hard on him, he'll get it. __________________ Wife To Michael ~10-17-98~ Momma To Eric ~9-19-06~

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10-25-2009, 10:14 AM	#4 (permalink)
dollface Senior Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Sun Surf & Sand Posts: 4,686 Blog Entries: 1 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 44% Longevity: 75%	Its normal for them to rebel at this age and you just have to keep encouraging good behavior. He is still young and it is stll a learning process. I don't think that keeping him in time out for such an extended amount of time is effective. After a certain number of minutes, it can be useless as it pertains to the reason you put them in there because their attention span is short. I would not keep him in there more than the reccomended time frame which is one minute per year....so 2 min. max. I also don't reccomend spanking him over this particular issue because he is still new to the learning process and may not connect the spanking to the manners...he simply may not understand. The best way (in my opinion) is be firm about the manners, encourage them by correction and example, and just be consistent with your words. He WILL come around with positive reinforcement. Good luck my dear.

10-25-2009, 06:45 PM	#10 (permalink)
Victoria Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 34,202 Classifieds: (1) Activity: 98% Longevity: 55%	As a mother of a child who has a slight speech delay, I've been taught to never harshly punish a child who refuses to say "please", "thank you", "you're welcome", etc. I don't believe it's uncommon for a 22 month old to not express good manners verbally. With repetition your child will learn. Inflicting fear in your child isn't an ideal way to teach him manners. "Being TOO strict at a young age is only going to cause more problems later down the road .. you have to let children have fun while implementing discipline," is something a good friend mentioned to me. I believe that to be very true! Have fun with teaching your child! I believe that physical punishment over not saying "thank you" will cause a child to fear the parent and may cause a child to revert back to not talking at all. Encouraging your child, instead of reverting to corporal punishment or other disciplinary actions, is an excellent technique in motivating a child to speak.