At my wits end

[ChloesMom330]

DD behavior lately has been horrible. She has like turned into this monster. She listens on occasion but the worse is if you tell her no. She starts this high pitch yell that will break windows. Then she falls on the floor kicking and screaming. We have cleaned everything out of the spare bedroom and put her in there. She will bloody murder scream and kick for a good 20-30 minutes. This is tearing a divide between me and DH. We have tried everything. I don't think putitng her in the room is a good idea but I have no other ideas. Spanking her doesn't, she runs away from time out. I'm almost to the point where I want to take her toys away. She is only 3 so I think that may be a little much. I have never really had problems out of her before. I've even noticed kids her age don't need strollers but she won't stay with us or keep her hands to herself.

[Amberlyn]

Mine is 3 also, and we are having a rough go of it lately... it doesn't appear mine is quite as hard as yours right now...
Maybe follow the Nanny's tactics? They seem to work good, and I know its just a television show, but it might be worth it. Repetitively put her back in time out until she takes her 3 minutes... ?
Right now the only "punishment" I have going for me is to say "Mommy's NOT happy with you right now, Im very very SAD!" and that makes them stop.. they cry about it, but when they are done crying, they come up and say "Are you happy with me now?" for some reason, they want me to be happy with them all the time.... hahahaha (cause that happens ) ... mine are 2 and 3.. if I can think of any other ideas, i will share with you..
big hugs, you will get through it.. just one more year... they get better around 4!

[ChloesMom330]

Originally Posted by Amberlyn Mine is 3 also, and we are having a rough go of it lately... it doesn't appear mine is quite as hard as yours right now... Maybe follow the Nanny's tactics? They seem to work good, and I know its just a television show, but it might be worth it. Repetitively put her back in time out until she takes her 3 minutes... ? Right now the only "punishment" I have going for me is to say "Mommy's NOT happy with you right now, Im very very SAD!" and that makes them stop.. they cry about it, but when they are done crying, they come up and say "Are you happy with me now?" for some reason, they want me to be happy with them all the time.... hahahaha (cause that happens ) ... mine are 2 and 3.. if I can think of any other ideas, i will share with you.. big hugs, you will get through it.. just one more year... they get better around 4!

Thanks, I'm thinking I'm just going to have to stuck to time out and not let her win. It could take hours but if I make her stay in the chair for 3 minutes she will learn who the boss is. Sometimes I just don't know if I have the patience for it.

[Solstice]

I used time out on mine. IT was trying at times but eventually they learned that they were not getting their way. Bad behavior had consequences.

Hang in there. She's trying to stretch her boundaries to see what she can get away with. I also agree with you about not putting her alone in the room. I would try time out, getting down to her level and talking to her, explain that her behavior is not ok. It will sink in eventually. You just have to be patient and consistent.

[Amy]

I think her behavior is pretty typical of 3 year olds, honestly. Just remind yourself that this is normal, that she will outgrow it, and that her personality characteristics that drive you crazy now are probably going to be the ones that are going to help her succeed in the future. She's probably strong willed and determined- which is why she doesn't always mind you and gets mad when you tell her no- she'll probably be a good leader when she's older.

Be consistent when you punish her and you will start to see better results. We use natural/logical consequences, which make the most sense to the child and are most effective. Find out what she's trying to accomplish with her behavior and make sure that you don't give in- yelling back at her when she's screaming/kicking for attention is still giving her attention, you know? Ignore her screams until she starts acting better. When we're in the car, I put in fake earplugs when Autumn is screaming. I warn her that when she's ready to talk, I still won't be able to hear her, because I'll have put in my earplugs so I don't have to hear her scream. I don't react at all to her screaming, since she's hoping for a reaction, and then I don't acknowledge that she's talking to me until she's settled down for a few minutes.

Also, don't let her tell you no. If she refuses to pick up her toys, force her to do it. Put your hand over her hand and help her to do it until she'll do it for herself. That sort of thing.

Children do want to please their parents- and they behave the way we expect them to. So if you expect her to be a "monster" she's probably going to act like one. Praise her when she does well- when she minds, or when she settles down quickly. Be specific on what you appreciate, i.e. "Thank you for putting your dishes in the sink after I asked, it really helps Mommy." or "Thank you for calming down quickly and using your words to tell me how you are feeling." She'll prefer positive attention to negative and will start acting in the ways that you want her to, albeit not all the time.

Realize what her triggers are. Autumn is difficult when she's hungry- so if she starts getting irritable I try to remember when the last time she ate, and whether she needs something to eat or not. She also isn't so great with transitions- leaving somewhere fun or saying goodbye to a friend is not easy- so I take steps to prevent it from being a problem by warning her ahead of time, telling her what I expect, etc.

It will get easier.

[Amberlyn]

I love the ear plug thing, im gonna try it at home... !

[Amy]

Originally Posted by Amberlyn I love the ear plug thing, im gonna try it at home... !

Works like a charm. "Mommy! I'm ready to use my inside voice now. Can you hear me? I want you to listen to me."

[ChloesMom330]

I always talk to her though. It's the one thing I always make sure I do. I make sure she knows what she is doing wrong. She always knows when she does something good too. I do like the earplug idea also. I'm going to try time out again and even if it takes hours I wll not give in. I didn't realize that most 3 year olds acted this bad. I'm glad to know that it is somewhat normal.

[Solstice]

At 3 they are trying to become independent. They are thinking and feeling and wanting to be big boys and girls. They may not be going about it rationally or like big boys or girls but those feelings and desires are there. You come in and mess it all up just because its not safe or right. They don't understand that either. You just have to keep guiding them the right direction.

[Songtan Sally]

It's hard when you are with them 24/7 and I completely understand that sometimes mom and dad are just too worn out to deal with it so don't feel too bad!

My rule of thumb is I don't argue with kids. I'm bigger than them. I'm the adult. I don't (okay, I try NOT to!! LOL!) raise my voice, I don't bargain, I don't plead.

State the direction calmly and firmly and don't waver. Let her cry and scream. The more consistent you are, the sooner she will realize that her behavior isn't having an impact.

For example - "You can finish your sandwich if you are hungry." Plain and simple. Don't tell her "just one bite", "just two bites and then you can have a cookie", "if you don't want your sandwich, I will give you a banana". If you do that, she knows that SHE has the power.

If she hasn't finished her sandwich from lunch, serve it again at dinner.

Obviously you're not making her eat something she doesn't like. She's just choosing to be picky over something she likes. The lesson to learn in this example is: This is lunch. This is the food that is available. If you are hungry, you will eat it. If you aren't hungry, fine. But five minutes from now, half an hour from now, an hour from now - your sandwich is still here and that is what is available to eat.

Say she's swinging a plastic baseball bat around. Don't sit on the sofa and say "mommy doesn't want you to do that". Get up, bend down so you are face to face and say calmly and firmly, "That is not acceptable and you need to stop now." If she still swings it, take it away. Calmly and firmly.

Don't yell. Don't scream. Don't threaten. Don't raise your voice.

When you offer a reward, give it ONLY if the behavior is demonstrated. If you say "we can have ice cream after we go to the store if you behave", then if she behaves the entire time, she gets ice cream. If she misbehaves for 30 minutes and is good for the last three minutes, no ice cream. That was not the deal.

I could go on forever on this! LOL! But I hope this helps and just remember - YOU are in charge, not a toddler. Calm. Firm. Consistent.