Parents of an only child

[CristinaFaye]

What made you decide not to have more?
What are the pros and cons?

[DH and I originally planned on having two children but now he doesn't want to have any more. It's not 100% ruled out though. ]

[Amanda.]

well, for the time being we have decided no more babies. maybe 5-6 years.

our decision is based on we both have ADHD and we had a rough childhood, didnt get the help we needed in school, and we really want to be able to give one on one attetntion to emi and make sure she succeeds.

[KristinD]

My daughter is only 3 but we don't plan on having anymore children. Our plan was always to only have one child (I guess more my plan). DH would have a million children if it were up to him but he's not very realistic!

The obvious con is that there is no other child at home for her to play with. Other than that I haven't come across many cons!

There are many pros- I like being able to give her all my attention, I like that we are very close, traveling with only one child is easy and other day to day things are easier with one child! Most of all it just works for us! A lot of families are awesome with multiple children, I just know we wouldn't be one of them

[bb1982]

I'll be stalking this thread b/c this is what DH and I are considering, only have one child- but are worried about the cons.

[CristinaFaye]

I keep going back and forth with the decision. I LOVE spoiling Georgia and giving her my undivided attention and I agree things are easier with only one child but I had siblings growing up and it's the best! I'm the oldest of 11 (yes 11) but only four of us grew up in the same house. DH is 3rd out of six so raising an only child is unfamiliar territory for us.

[Songtan Sally]

For me it was never a choice to have only one child. I wanted five or six. All that I was blessed with, though, was one.

[oxbarbie06xo]

we are thinking about only having one so im going to stalk this

[ezramedic]

It's interesting - because Tommy and I always said we'd have two or three.
(Tommy def. wants three!)
But now that Wesley is here, and 14 months old, the conversations of "How soon do we try again?" have surfaced. Tommy would like to start right now because it took us the better part of a year to get pregnant with Wesley.
...But now... I'm not sure I want two or three.
Wesley completes our family so much. He's the perfect little addition and we love him so much.
I kinda can't imagine loving another child as much as I love him, and I still remember how scary and difficult it was when he was itty bitty, not sleeping, crying, etc...

It's a really tough decision and I don't know the answer to it!

[JRalston]

I have 2 kids, but I think I can offer a little advice...

PROS:
One HUGE advantage of having two kids is they can entertain each other. A friend of mine only had one child and was always the one who had to entertain her. My boys play together almost all of the time! They always have someone to ride bikes with, to play video games with, and to play with while mommy is sleeping in! When you only have one kid, you are their primary playmate.

I also think having a sibling is very beneficial for military children. We have moved 3 times since our 7yr old was born. They start off in a new location already having a kid to play with. I am glad my boys have someone to go through the hardships of PCSing with.

Adulthood- Personally, I think it would suck not to have a sibling as an adult. I LOVE having 3 siblings of my own. It is probably the only reason I would want more than 2 kids is so they had more family as an adult. If you only have one kid, they would never get to be an aunt/uncle (unless their spouse had siblings.)

CONS:
When they were young (under 3), I used to always say that having 2 kids was 400% harder than having one. I am sure part of that was because they were only 17 months apart. I was shocked how much more difficult it was! On the other hand, I think it is EASIER than having one, in many ways, now that they are 6 & 7.

Two on One is easier than Two on Two- Schedule conflicts and such are much more minimal with only one child.

Attention- One child gets all of your attention. This is good and bad, as I suggested in the Pro's.

Cost- having two in sports, school supplies, food, etc is obviously something to take into consideration. Clothes haven't been too bad for us, because they are both boys and so close in age.

Overall, I guess you could say I am an advocate for having 2 kids, and having them close in age.

[ProudArmyWifeD]

I have always planned on having only one child. She is three now and I have no plans on having another.

For me, it is just that I want to be able to give everything I have to my daughter. I do not want to have to divide up time, attention, money, etc. between children. I do not want to have to miss vacations or extracurriculars because we can't afford them due to family size or time conflicts.

My daughter gets all of me - my heart, my focus, my time, my attention. We have an amazing bond. She does gymnastics, ballet, part day preschool and has a pony. We travel a lot. She has a 529 account for college. And we are able to do all of this on one income, so I have been home with her her whole life. Now that my DH and I are separating, I have to take on the responsibility of the future of myself and my daughter lying mostly on me. That is scary enough with one child, I can't imagine having more.

She is very social, has entertained herself and played independently from the start, has impeccable manners, is a quick learner, is not spoiled or bratty, and has amazing self confidence.

For me, I see no cons in having an only child. She is not lonely, she does not require my 24/7 attention as a playmate, she is not spoiled.

ETA: Even with my separation and my (relationship) future unknown, I have no plans nor desires to have another child with a new spouse should I have one.