Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: Going from two incomes to one?

  1. Senior Member
    Whe24's Avatar
    Whe24 is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Virginia Beach, VA
    Posts
    499
    #1

    Going from two incomes to one?

    Advertisements
    I just want to be a mommy. My husband and I agree that the best thing for our family is for me to be home full time. I'm incredibly burnt out with my full time position in critical care. I can't even put into words how miserable I am. I looooove the adrenalin of critical care. My job can be exciting, I'm always learning, I LOVE my coworkers, I fit in full time hours three nights a week so I'm home four days a week. But I'm miserable. I let too much of my work affect me. Things hurt my heart and I spend days and days and days dwelling on them. This is not healthy. I just want to be a mommy and a wife. So I'm hoping I can get some incite from anybody here who went from two incomes to one (for whatever reason). Specifically, how did you make the money work? Was it worth it for your family to be home full time? Do you do any work from home? How do you see the future? As in, when your kids are older and in school. Or even beyond that, how is it possible for your SO to retire down the road?

    Here is just some basic info that contributes to us making the big leap:
    1) Before I quit we need to sell our house and downgrade to something much smaller. For us to do that, some minor repairs need to be made to the house. But we are NOT fix-it ourselves type people, so we would have to hire a handy guy. I don't even know where to begin to put a time frame on getting those things done. So letís just assume, at least a year.

    2) Once I quit my job and I'm out of my field of work for a few years, thereís no going back. With what I do, if you don't use your critical skills you forget them over time. Nobody wants to hire someone who's been out of the game for a while. This is VERY scary to me. Very. Very. Scary. My only work skills are what I do now. For me to get back into the working world I would have to take a minimum wage job. Or take online classes in SOMETHING while I'm a SAHM. Which I'm considering but have NO idea what I'd be interested in.

    3) At no time would it be acceptable for us to have any type of financial assistance from family or government. I'm in NO way bashing public assistance. I'm just saying I wouldnít feel right about accepting assistance when I have the option to work.


    Ugh, if you made it through all that crap. Thank you. I'm feeling very lost. When I first decided to be a mom I just KNEW I could have it all. This great paying job, huge beautiful house, a couple of kiddos. And now I'm feeling very lost. Maybe I just need to get away from critical care and find something less stressful. Or maybe I just need to stop feeling sorry for myself and be grateful that I do have everything I wanted.

    Now that itís time to actually submit the thread, I'm realizing how ungrateful and selfish I sound. I FEEL selfish.
  2. Senior Member
    missinghim's Avatar
    missinghim is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    9,316
    #2
    Are you a nurse?

    I would just go part-time, honestly. You can always quit if you still hate it, but going back can be much more difficult. Can you just transfer to a different floor if you're burned out where you are?

    ETA: I should add, I'm not saying you shouldn't quit if you want. From reading what you wrote, however, it just seems like you're more burned out doing what you specifically do rather than burned out on working in general.
    Never do anything halfway unless you want to be half happy.

    Is this a dream? If it is, please don't wake me from this high. I'd become comfortably numb
    until you opened up my eyes to what it's like when everything is right...I can't believe you found me ♥
  3. The name says it all!
    ALil2Naughty's Avatar
    ALil2Naughty is offline
    The name says it all!
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Loki's chambers
    Posts
    26,360

    #3
    Girl, that is NOT selfish! You want what is best for your family! I was working full time before dh and I got married, but when we moved into our own house, the commute was beyond ridiculous for a part time/minimum wage job. I loved the job, the people, what I did, but it wasn't worth the 40 - 50 minute commute and not having the time to spend with my family. I think it's very unselfish to give up a career that you enjoy (at times) for your family's well being. Feel free to pm me.

    DH: Thank you. ME: For what, babe? DH: For being you.




  4. Senior Member
    Andie's Avatar
    Andie is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    12,747
    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by missinghim View Post
    Are you a nurse?

    I would just go part-time, honestly. You can always quit if you still hate it, but going back can be much more difficult. Can you just transfer to a different floor if you're burned out where you are?

    ETA: I should add, I'm not saying you shouldn't quit if you want. From reading what you wrote, however, it just seems like you're more burned out doing what you specifically do rather than burned out on working in general.
    Yeah, I was going to say going part-time or moving to a different unit/area might be good. Even if you don't go to the floor there are A LOT of types of nursing out there so if critical care isn't a good fit maybe switching jobs rather than quitting entirely would make more sense for you and your family.
  5. Senior Member
    Whe24's Avatar
    Whe24 is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Virginia Beach, VA
    Posts
    499
    #5
    Hey! Thanks for the replies. I'm actually a Respiratory Therapist. The simplest way to explain it is that we make people breath when they can't on their own. We run ventilators, BIPAPs, manage airways, breathing treatments, ABGs etc etc. Totally not as cool as being a nurse, but I can't handle poop, so we just manage everything from the diaphragm up. We are kinda all over the hospital. So one night I'm in the ER, another night an ICU and we all share the floor therapies.

    I think part time would be a great starting point. Then I'd have a little more time at home and a taste of what a 1/3 pay cut would feel like. I do sometimes enjoy my job. I do love the controlled chaos. And I love that I'm always learning. I just let too much get to me. Someone once told me that there is a very fine line between sympathy and empathy, and that it was very important to never cross that line. I never felt like I ever crossed that line until I became a mom. Something definitely changed when I had my kiddo. I especially have a hard time working with babies and kids. If a baby comes into the ER I swear I totally forget how to do my job. Luckily I have really great coworkers who come to my rescue and never call me out on my shit. I feel like I deserve it though. And I feel guilty asking for help.

    So I guess I'll talk to DH and see if we could afford me being part time until we can fix and sell the house. And then we can regroup after that. Thank you for the great advice and just being so nice to me. I was totally expecting tough love.
  6. MilitarySOS Jewel
    Just_Special's Avatar
    Just_Special is offline
    MilitarySOS Jewel
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    IL
    Posts
    14,508
    Blog Entries
    1
    #6
    Another option that a lot of my coworkers at the hospital did (I am a nurse, so healthcare field) was to change from full time or part time to PRN/registry. Maybe going part time would be a first step, but if that is still too much, PRN could be an option. PRN shifts can be as often as 2x per week to as little as once a month to work depending on the hospital you work for and their need. It is a way to keep your skills and still be home a lot more often. There are some things that change when going to PRN that you would need to look into (pay, benefits, first call-off, etc), but I think going from full time all the way to zero hours sounds like a big jump you may regret without trying the options in the middle first.

    Good luck with whatever you decide.

  7. Senior Member
    Sara's Avatar
    Sara is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Berlin, Germany
    Posts
    2,224
    #7
    I don't know anything about the healthcare field so I'm no help with alternate work suggestions. But, as far as going from two incomes to one income, the best thing to do would be to start living off just your DH's income. Cut expenses, downgrade your house, start budgeting if you don't already. While you are getting used to this, you can save your full income which will help to give you a cushion when baby is born. It's better to try out the change in income now before you have the added stress/responsibility of a baby.
    ~Sara~
  8. Senior Member
    villanelle's Avatar
    villanelle is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    14,790
    #8
    Do you have any hobbies or other skills from which you could make money? Selling stuff that you knit on Etsy, or tutoring a couple kids in your house (after your little one grows up a bit, perhaps). Tutor.com hires people to do tutoring from their home.

    I would try to find a way to bring in a little extra income in some way.

    And I would live on his salary for at lest 8-9 months, after all the changes, before doing anything.

    Lastly, unless you don't have the money to pay for it, changes to your house shouldn't take anywhere near a year. I'd consult a couple real estate agents to make sure the changes you are making make sense, need to be done, and will get you a decent return on your investment, and then get to work. And if you don't have the money to do repairs, then it sounds like you are living pretty close to your menas now, which means you a are a long, long way off from being able to reduce your income *and* add a child, so in that case, there's probably a lot more to think about.

    We went from 2 to one income because we moved overseas. I worry tremendously about how this has affected my earning potential for life, what I will get from Social Security down the road, etc. More than anything, I want to work, and I hate that this gap will make it extremely hard for me to do that, in a professional capacity. It's been a bit brutal for me, actually, and it's really hard. We don't have kids, but even if we did, I'd be facing an empty nest some day, and wanting to fill it with work that is meaningful to me, and leaving the work for for what will end up being about 9 years (that is how long, at least, we will spend overseas) has taken that away from me, or at least made it less likely and much harder.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •