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Thread: pulling away while hes deployed

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    airforcelady's Avatar
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    #1

    pulling away while hes deployed

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    First time posting here. I am lost as this is my first ever time dealing with a deployment. We and my DB had been together for almost 8 months when he deployed back in Sept. We had bought tickets for a concert this summer while he has been deployed, talked about what to do with my camp in Spring and he had even been looking at buying another motorcycle and if i liked it he would sell it to me when he got back. In less than a week and a half after all this I notice he is pulling away. Not answering texts as much if answering at all. Then he tells me he is not sure if he is ready to be in a relationship. But he still communicates with me abet its not as often as it was and still reads everything i text him. I mean we had a great relationship before he left, never argued once, always got along and had a great time. I dont understand were all this came from. Could it just be he is stressed out? I cant get him to open up on what is going on other than him saying that the longer we go on the more i will get hurt. I told him he cant get rid of me that easy just because hes scared. Anyone else ever deal with someone pulling away a lot once they were deployed even though they had a great relationship before they left?
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    #2
    Deployments can be emotionally and mentally challenging for servicemen and women, so pulling away isn't uncommon. When DB came back from his first deployment and was preparing for his second one, he was so shut out and distant from me that I actually considered leaving him because I was so upset and frustrated by his behavior. We had never even once had more than just a slight argument before it, so his 180 change came as a shock. But I just let him know that I was here if he needed to talk about anything (or not talk about anything at all) and just gave him time and space to be in his own head. Luckily, he pulled through and started coming back around after he's had some time to process everything.

    With that being said though, if your DB doesn't want to be in a relationship and he means it, then you should respect his decision. Talk it out, of course, but at the end of the day, you can't change someone's mind - and you shouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't fully and wholeheartedly want to be with you. He could just be stressed out from the deployment, but unless he's willing to talk to you about it, there's really not much you can do besides waiting this out and giving him his space to process things or ending the relationship.
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    #3

    So sorry

    Quote Originally Posted by airforcelady View Post
    First time posting here. I am lost as this is my first ever time dealing with a deployment. We and my DB had been together for almost 8 months when he deployed back in Sept. We had bought tickets for a concert this summer while he has been deployed, talked about what to do with my camp in Spring and he had even been looking at buying another motorcycle and if i liked it he would sell it to me when he got back. In less than a week and a half after all this I notice he is pulling away. Not answering texts as much if answering at all. Then he tells me he is not sure if he is ready to be in a relationship. But he still communicates with me abet its not as often as it was and still reads everything i text him. I mean we had a great relationship before he left, never argued once, always got along and had a great time. I dont understand were all this came from. Could it just be he is stressed out? I cant get him to open up on what is going on other than him saying that the longer we go on the more i will get hurt. I told him he cant get rid of me that easy just because hes scared. Anyone else ever deal with someone pulling away a lot once they were deployed even though they had a great relationship before they left?
    I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Maybe I missed it, but what makes you think this is the case?
    <I told him he cant get rid of me that easy just because hes scared.>

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