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Thread: Kids

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    #1

    Kids

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    So this morning when I woke my kids up for school my littlest (turning 5 at the beginning of Dec) went and perched himself in the hallway outside my door because the hallway light was on and waited for me to turn the living room light on. When I went out he was sitting there holding his deployment journal. He asked if he could color in it at the dinning room table. So my kids ate breakfast and then they both wrote/colored in their deployment journals. It melted my heart.

    It also made me think. My kids talk about DB all the time. They write to him. They ask about deployment/where he is. They ask when he'll be back (not for AGES). They tell me that they miss him, but they are never REALLY SAD. For them it's like a fact, he's deployed but he'll be back. They do things and they're like "I bet DB would like this, when he comes back we'll have to take him here." or "I wish DB could see this" or "I can't wait to get really good at this and show DB when he's back"

    There's no worry, there's no fear, there's nothing but just love and happiness with what they are doing RIGHT NOW. They live totally in the moment. They are happy playing basketball, doing gymnastics, playing with the dogs, they're even happy doing chores and cleaning up to make me proud, to make DB proud, and they MISS him but they aren't SAD, they do things and they think of him but they aren't SAD.

    I wonder if that's something that we invent/impose on ourselves as we get older? Or do we just know how much can change in a year plus? So we fear the distance/time apart?

    Anyways, I just really loved that and I think I need to learn from my kids. To not fear distance/time apart and just embrace the happy in every day and miss DB without being sad without DB...
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    #2
    Did he live with you prior to deploying? And is their father an active part of their life?

    I think those are big differences if they have another active father figure and if he didn't previously live with you. If he just recently left, the sadness is coming. I know every family isn't the same, but kids that age can't/don't grasp the concept of time. So right now they may not 'care', but when they want him they will, if that makes sense?
    Never do anything halfway unless you want to be half happy.

    Is this a dream? If it is, please don't wake me from this high. I'd become comfortably numb
    until you opened up my eyes to what it's like when everything is right...I can't believe you found me ♥
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    #3
    Yes we live together - no their dad hasn't been around in over 2 years. We used to have joint custody but CPS ended that when they decided he was a danger to the kids. They do mss him they just aren't sad about it they just live in the moment and include him in what they're doing (like by saying I can't wait to show DB when he's back etc)
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by AMP1984 View Post
    So this morning when I woke my kids up for school my littlest (turning 5 at the beginning of Dec) went and perched himself in the hallway outside my door because the hallway light was on and waited for me to turn the living room light on. When I went out he was sitting there holding his deployment journal. He asked if he could color in it at the dinning room table. So my kids ate breakfast and then they both wrote/colored in their deployment journals. It melted my heart.

    It also made me think. My kids talk about DB all the time. They write to him. They ask about deployment/where he is. They ask when he'll be back (not for AGES). They tell me that they miss him, but they are never REALLY SAD. For them it's like a fact, he's deployed but he'll be back. They do things and they're like "I bet DB would like this, when he comes back we'll have to take him here." or "I wish DB could see this" or "I can't wait to get really good at this and show DB when he's back"

    There's no worry, there's no fear, there's nothing but just love and happiness with what they are doing RIGHT NOW. They live totally in the moment. They are happy playing basketball, doing gymnastics, playing with the dogs, they're even happy doing chores and cleaning up to make me proud, to make DB proud, and they MISS him but they aren't SAD, they do things and they think of him but they aren't SAD.

    I wonder if that's something that we invent/impose on ourselves as we get older? Or do we just know how much can change in a year plus? So we fear the distance/time apart?

    Anyways, I just really loved that and I think I need to learn from my kids. To not fear distance/time apart and just embrace the happy in every day and miss DB without being sad without DB...
    I used to teach in Sunday school and there was this little girl named Channing. She would crack me up. I would tell her absolutely ordinary things about my life, like going to Costco and buying chicken and she would be so excited. She would go home and tell her mom that she wanted to buy chicken from Costco. It was the cutest thing. I feel like all of us need to walk with joy and live in the moment.... kind of like kids
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by susbro510 View Post
    I used to teach in Sunday school and there was this little girl named Channing. She would crack me up. I would tell her absolutely ordinary things about my life, like going to Costco and buying chicken and she would be so excited. She would go home and tell her mom that she wanted to buy chicken from Costco. It was the cutest thing. I feel like all of us need to walk with joy and live in the moment.... kind of like kids
    Awe yes! that's what I was talking about
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    #6

    I love this

    I love this post.

    I think it says what so many of us often think as far as that we have those anxieties and know deep down we shouldn't and we look at outside sources for ways to grow and cope with what we are going through.

    I don't have children, and my DB isn't deployed. He is stationed though half way across the country and it is hard. Sometimes I just find ways to cope/keep busy without realizing it and it took for all people my mom to point that out. My step dad just went on a week and a half long vacation without her to Flordia. It's really the first time since they have been married (13 years ago) that they have been separated. And she was asking ME of all people how I deal with things.

    Half the time I feel like I have nothing related to this life figured out. I talk to my Aunt (who has been through 5 tours, multiple trainings and 3 kids) about how she has dealt with her husband being gone and how she deals and she just says she doesn't know after all this time still and seeks strength and support from other peers. Its funny how we feel so weird/inexperience about every no matter how long we have been going through it. Yet we can convey strength to everyone around us.

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