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Thread: 6th deployment, 1st time with anxiety

  1. Fresh Newbie
    Elphame81's Avatar
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    #1

    6th deployment, 1st time with anxiety

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    My DH and I have been married for 11 years, together for almost 18. We have had a couple of rough years, but we are really good friends. We have agreed to work on certain aspects of our marriage, but of course that was a couple of weeks before he left. I am now in panic mode. Teary eyed and anxious. We message daily, and he calls daily, but only really wants to talk to the kids. I am trying not to take it to heart. He works Long hours and is living in a tent. But it oh so hurts my feeling when he doesn't want to talk to me. Am I being overly sensitive?
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    #2
    Based on your post I don't think you're being overly sensitive, it's okay to get your feelings hurt, but if he left on not to great terms I can see how it may seem like he doesn't want to speak to you. You have to communicate that it hurts your feelings. He isn't a mind reader, even after 18 years together.
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    #3
    Does he say he doesn't want to talk to you? If he calls and asks for the kids, do you tell him you'll get them in a minute but you want to talk to him first? If so, how does he respond?

    I don't think you are being overly sensitive, but I do think you need to reach it clear you want to talk to him (if you haven't already), rather than just hoping he'll do it. Yes, you probably shouldn't have to, but given that you parted on bad terms and have had some ongoing issues, it's not really fair to expect him to reach out first, even if you have to make yourself vulnerable to be the one to do it.

    If you have done that he he says he doesn't want to talk to you, I'd remind him that you agreed to work on the relationship, and not talking to you isn't doing that. It's hard to give specific advice without knowing the details of your issues and what you agreed to, but that's where I'd start. If he's not willing to do that, this becomes a very different scenario, and I'd be exploring some other, more dramatic decisions, and making sure I used the time while he's gone to get my ducks in a row regarding income and alternative living arrangements, to avoid being blindsided or being in a situation where I couldn't make the choices I needed to due to financial dependence.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #4
    Thank y'all so much. We had a much better day yesterday and today. I was a wee bit freaking out. He explained some of his living situation to me and explained about some of the stress he is under. We were able to communicate yesterday and I was able to explain my side a bit. We have agreed before he left that don't make life changing decisions during deployments or TDYs. I am also active duty (different job/branch) so I can support our kids no matter what; not that I am planning on that. Thank you all again.
  5. Senior Member
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    #5
    My husband wasn't deployed but he traveled once and a while overseas. He would only want to talk to our son for a few days (he wasn't even 2 at the time) I finally got to the point where I said Hey I am here too. I get wanting to see your son and all but sometimes I need to have a conversation with you as well. He snapped out of it fast. So it was meant if he could we would FaceTime so that he could see our son than later I would get a call to just talk even it was only 10 min or something.

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