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Thread: Deployment and Porn

  1. Senior Member
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    #1

    Deployment and Porn

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    WARNING: ADULT CONTENT

    So...I guess this is the best place for this thread. I know this is probably going to sound so insecure, and I know I am probably being ultra sensitive, but I just can't help it. One of my husband's friends that he is deployed with brought like a massive library of porn with him (yes I know he wasn't suppose to, but realistically I am sure there is a massive amount of porn floating around army bases/FOBS). Well I was joking around and mentioned it and then I don't know what possessed me to ask but I asked if he (my husband) has been watching it. And he said "sometimes". I know it shouldn't bother me; I know its stupid. I know almost all men watch porn. And honestly if he were home it wouldn't even make me bat an eye, but it just kind of makes me feel...inadequate. I guess I just kind of feel blah. I hear a lot about detachment and I guess I just fear he is going to realize he doesn't need me for anything (not saying that all he thinks I am good for is sex). And I worry that I am not going to be able to compete with these women once he gets back.

    Anyone ever felt this way? I know I am probably being absolutely ridiculous, don't hesitate to tell me I am being completely insecure and nuts. I just didn't have anyone else to talk to about this...
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    #2
    How does it make you feel inadequate? Are you available to have sex with while he's deployed? No. Are you engaging him in phone sex, sending him sexy pictures and videos and whatnot?
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    #3
    ive personally never felt that way because i dont care if DB watches porn. he watches it when hes away and he watches it when hes home. i know he only wants me though.
    everyone has different opinions on porn, so youre not gonna get a set answer on if youre being reasonable, or not.
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    #4
    I agree with the above PP's (cocochanel and cassadilla). You said that if he were home, it wouldn't make you bat an eye. The way my logic is working, is if you don't care if he watches while he's home (and actually has access to you), then what harm is it while he's away? I'd be more upset if DB would rather watch porn than be with me when he was home.

    Again though, like Cassadilla said, everyone has different opinions on porn. I knew that DB watched porn while he was deployed. When he started mailing back some of his stuff, he sent back his hard drive full of movies. There was definitely porn on there and I just shrugged it off (and maybe laughed and tried to figure out the password lol). Only you know your DH and your relationship. If porn wasn't an issue in the past, then he may not assume its an issue now. Have you talked to him about this?
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    #5
    Dh asked me to send him nude magazines when he deploys I think for most men, it's just the fact they are gone, without women for what 9-12 months? I don't think he looks because he isn't satisfied with you. But its not like you're there or can even send him pictures.

    I really just don't think it has anything to do with you.


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    #6
    I don't see how you would be inadequate. He can't get any from you and some guys can't just jerk off to silence I wouldn't take it personally. DH's porn stash was so big it wouldn't fit in the computer's trash bin... I had to completely wipe it from the computer. Plus he's got a hard drive full of it on top of that

    be cool.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Luci View Post
    I agree with the above PP's (cocochanel and cassadilla). You said that if he were home, it wouldn't make you bat an eye. The way my logic is working, is if you don't care if he watches while he's home (and actually has access to you), then what harm is it while he's away? I'd be more upset if DB would rather watch porn than be with me when he was home.
    This. I'd be more upset if he was watching porn when he was home and had regular access to me. But overseas, away from me? Eh. What's he gonna jerk off to? The sound of other guys nearby? Hahaha! So yeah, it doesn't bother me if he watches it. Then again, most of the porn he's watching is porn I send him of myself. hehehe
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    #8
    The way I see it, porn is like a sex toy. It's simply a tool, a visual stimulant and there is no emotional attachment to it (not including the pics/vids of ourselves that we may send to our men, that's different).

    My DB and I watch porn on our own, especially when we're apart from each other. It doesn't mean that I'm attracted to the man (or the woman) and want to get to know that actor or spend my life with them; it's just a means to an end.
    With him being so far away, and with all the things going on around him, I assume it must be nice to be able to feel arousal amongst the myriad of other feelings that he's experiencing during this time. While I wish I could be the one woman on his mind all the time, realistically that's not the case. There are women all around and some of them are prettier and some of them are sexier than I am (or than I think I am) - but regardless of other women out there, he is with me because he wants to be with me and he loves me.

    I totally get the feelings of inadequacy, and I can definitely relate, but when it all boils down - your DH married you because he loves you, he still needs you and still loves you, even if there is some overacting chick in high heels in a video that was produced to generate arousal and make money out of millions of individuals. It's not about you, it's not about what you can or cannot do or how you "measure up". He loves you, not the porn
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    #9
    Try not to take it personally. Much harder said then done I know. However, it's not about you really. It's about what they need to do to get them through this without us. Personally, I send DB pictures of me and have had two sets of boudoir photos done for him plus an array of day to day photos. I'm not saying he doesn't get busy with porn, but at least he has an alt that involves me. and it makes me feel better to do that for him. Just remember, he loves YOU and his misses YOU...
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    #10
    I would feel the same way you do, OP. I'm fairly conservative and DB knows I don't like porn, so he didn't take any with him. Just my opinion though, not what I would tell anyone else to do. He has pictures and skype dates with me that he waits for. I don't think it makes you inadequate though, but I do understand how that feels.
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