Deployments - coping, check lists, care packages, etc.

[Brandi]

Alright ladies, I am putting a deployment section up on the main part of the site. I see a ton of ladies asking the same questions about deployments... about how to cope, what it's like, what they need to do before hand, POA questions, etc. So, I thought it would be really helpful and useful to have a big section that covers all of this stuff.

Please use this post to say whatever you want to about deployments you've experienced - things you've learned, how you prepared, check lists of things you are glad you had done or wish you would have had done before he left, the type of POA you had and what it does or does not cover, techniques you used for coping (types of activites or groups to get involved in and how to find them), what types of things helped or didn't help, items your SO requested for carepackages (or things he loved that you sent), how to start preparing for homecoming emotionally and other wise (will things be different when he gets home?), what was homecoming day like, etc.

Just pretend I am asking all of these questions and post your response like I am a newbie

I will take all of the responses and piece them together to make several organized articles and lists of things.

Thank in advance for your help!

[Brandi]

P.S- you can answer a question or two at a time since I know it's a lot to sit down and write at one time. Just answer as you can or as you think of things

[Kym]

The days leading up to deployment day were always an emotional roller coaster in our house. One minute you are all lovey dovey and the next you want them to leave NOW. Deployment day comes faster than you want it too in all honesty and it feels like your heart is being ripped out of your body. You don't think you will be able to deal with six months alone (even though you have friends, family, and yourself) and it six months feels like an eternity. As you watch that ship or plane leave, you cry not only for yourself but for your loved one knowing that they are going to miss out on so much at home and that they are heading into something that is unknown (even if they have done this 15 times before).
You say goodbye and you plan for the next six months or longer. You think of all the things you are going to put into a care package and the planning begins. I always put a small stuffed animal in atleast one package with my perfume sprayed on it. Pictures of home were a must with atleast one hand written letter and several cards. Candy and soups that you microwaved were a good thing because most times they couldn't stop and eat at dinner time. Threw in some phone cards and new under shirts so he could toss out the ruined ones.
As homecoming day approached the busier I got. I cleaned that house like it hadn't been cleaned in six months. Everything was done the last two days he was gone so when he came home, there was nothing left to do. Grocery shopping was done and all his favorite snacks were bought. The phone was turned off for two days so his family wouldn't call the day he came home.
Homecoming day is here and you haven't slept in atleast 24 hours due to the excitement. You are dressed perfectly and your hair is done just right. As you walk out the door that wind that came out of no where whips your hair in different directions and there is no time to fix it. You rush to the pier (or airport) and wait for you loved one to show up. Your heart beats a mile a minute and the split second you see him, all is right with the world and when he sees you, he thinks "damn, look at the gorgeous woman I married".

We knew about 4 months ahead of time where, approxamently when, how long, and what their mission was before the left. The first 3 went by really slow and we enjoyed every minute of them. As the time got closer and we were having our breifings and meetings that we had to attend it seemed like it was all one day and the next night we were leaving to drop him off at the brigade and wait for the buses. We both tried not to cry until our last few minutes together and then I cried all the way home after watching him walk across the parking lot back to the unit. I am crying right now even thinking about that day. Within the last 7 months my son and I have been going to play dates with other people we have met around town and through our FRG. We am a POC with our FRG and attend most all of the meetings because they will let you know about anything that is going on and answer any questions. I also meet with a few other girls and a social worker once a week to talk about everything that is going on. For care packages I send him his favorite snack(puppychow, which is that chex covered in chocolate and peanut butter and powder sugar) shaving cream, coffee mate, pringles, anything that he tells me he wants, and as many pictures of Kegan as I can. He has missed so much and there is a lot more that he will miss within the next several months. I also try to tell myself that he is out in the field and will be home soon, even though I know that he isn't and won't be. Things seem to go by faster for me that way.
I also recommend attending the redeployment meetings, they tell you more into depth about when they are coming home, what to expect, how to deal with certain things, and places you can go if you need help or someone to talk to. I am expecting things to be very different when he comes home because you have to get use to living together again and being a family again. That is one of the reasons I don't want our families to be here. When he comes home we will have to wait in the gym when they gave everyone (family and soldiers) a welcome home speech and then let everyone to reunite. It feels like the longest 5 minutes in your life. They are all lined up in formation on the gym floor and you are sitting in bleechers looking at them. If I think of anything else I will post it.

[christymichelle]

Originally Posted by Kym The days leading up to deployment day were always an emotional roller coaster in our house. One minute you are all lovey dovey and the next you want them to leave NOW. Deployment day comes faster than you want it too in all honesty and it feels like your heart is being ripped out of your body. You don't think you will be able to deal with six months alone (even though you have friends, family, and yourself) and it six months feels like an eternity. As you watch that ship or plane leave, you cry not only for yourself but for your loved one knowing that they are going to miss out on so much at home and that they are heading into something that is unknown (even if they have done this 15 times before). You say goodbye and you plan for the next six months or longer. You think of all the things you are going to put into a care package and the planning begins. I always put a small stuffed animal in atleast one package with my perfume sprayed on it. Pictures of home were a must with atleast one hand written letter and several cards. Candy and soups that you microwaved were a good thing because most times they couldn't stop and eat at dinner time. Threw in some phone cards and new under shirts so he could toss out the ruined ones. As homecoming day approached the busier I got. I cleaned that house like it hadn't been cleaned in six months. Everything was done the last two days he was gone so when he came home, there was nothing left to do. Grocery shopping was done and all his favorite snacks were bought. The phone was turned off for two days so his family wouldn't call the day he came home. Homecoming day is here and you haven't slept in atleast 24 hours due to the excitement. You are dressed perfectly and your hair is done just right. As you walk out the door that wind that came out of no where whips your hair in different directions and there is no time to fix it. You rush to the pier (or airport) and wait for you loved one to show up. Your heart beats a mile a minute and the split second you see him, all is right with the world and when he sees you, he thinks "damn, look at the gorgeous woman I married".

oh my god, you wrote that beautifully and perfect

This is my first deployment before my DH was hard with all the goodbyes and little minute Kisses. Finally the day came that he had to leave I was home and he called before he got on the plane to say he loves me I cried and said I love you too.

I went to bed that night hopping to sleep the whole 6 months away, but of course I woke up the next day and had to live my life and keep going. For the first month mostly all I did was cry. Then one day I found this site & it gave me hope, help, & friends. Now two months has passed since my DH left & I have 4 months to go until he comes home, I send my DH letters and cards and his mom handle the care stuff like cookies (she loves to bake). To help me mark the time that has passed I mark the days off on calendar before I go to bed.

[Brandi]

thanks for the replies! I'm bumping this up so we can hopefully get a few more

[ash]

for me, i dont live with john so it affected me differently, and his have been short. but i know there are girls on here that might go thru the same thing.

John spent move than a month but less than two (dont remember exact dates) out in the field last year and it was horrible for me. He was not somewhere he could email or contact me at all. I saw him 3 weeks before he left and the goodbye then was harder than usual because we knew we would not be talking everyday as normal. When he was gone, I was worried and it sucked because i could not send him anything. I sent him a package to his address in CA so the moment he was home he would have it. I also emailed him updates on my life every few days, that way when he was near a computer again he would know how i was doing. He did get to call at one point and i slept thru it . when he called again 2 weeks later, i got to talk to him for 2 minutes total, in the middle of the night. It was hard to go totally without him, but you just have to keep yourself busy and not think to much about it. I am kind of already stressing about his upcoming Rimpac, he has never been on a ship and i am just worried about him being miserable at first. I guess again, I will just have to keep myself busy.

ETA///// i hope this can help some of the girlfriends

[navyaowife2005]

This will be my first one and I am not looking forward to it. I have written down lists apon lists of what we need to do before he leaves. As each day passes I know that it's getting closer for him to leave. I don't know i will make it through but i am trying to take it one day at a time. I am in a support group for the ship and I am going to get involved with the homecoming party and all those fun things to keep me busy. I am going to go home for a little while to break up my time. I have all of these things planned to do and I am hoping that it takes up a lot of my time. I have a general POA but i think that I would like hime to give me a special POA too. I going to stock up on boxes and cards to send to him and make lists of things that I want to send to him in a care package. I might go meet the ship when it pulls in to a certain port so i can plan for that. I am so glad that you posted this subject so I can read what other people have done to prepare.

Katherine

I thought I replied to this already. Maybe I forgot to submit. There's a bunch of info on my site that may be useful. http://marinewives101.com/deployment.html

If it's not okay to post that, please delete it, but let me know if that's the case.