emailing ???? (long) Help!

I need help guys!!! This is actually a two part question. Sorry if it's long! My db called me last Thursday and was freaking out about the commitment thing again. This is jus so wierd! He's the one that brought up everything in regards to commitment with us so far! We hadn't been dating very long before he left, so maybe that's why. He said he (and I quote) doesn't know what he wants, that he doesn't expect or want me to dedicate this year to him (as far as waiting for him) because it doesn't sit well on his conscience, is excited about all the dreams we have talked about, and seems like we have made a ton of commitment to eachother when we don't even know if it's going to work. referring to moving together, and all that when he gets home. He said again he doesn't want to waste my time. The thing I don't get is not even 2 weeks ago he sent me an email saying he's lucky to have me waiting around on him and he misses me! Bothers me that he keeps bringing this up and even tho we are thousands of miles apart, I feel like I should give him space or something. Which leads to my next question. When you are waiting for db to write you back do you still email him in the meantime or wait till he contacts you? Stuff like I'm worried about you, miss you etc? I guess I figured that maybe they can read their emails, but maybe jus don't have time to write. And it sucks hearing nothing for DAYS, so sending a message in my mind lets him know that I'm thinking of him. On the same phone call as above, he said it might be "awhile" till I hear from him cuz of a mission I guess. I jus hate that he left like that, and I feel so insecure about things! It's day 5 that I haven't heard anything. I can't fathom either why he would have such a problem with me waiting for him...should I stick it out and tell him I'm gonna anyway? As badly as I want to, I don't want to do that for someone who doesn't appreciate it. I keep thinking this is jus a phase and he'll get over it when he sees how committed to us I am. Sorry this is so long, any help please!?

[Noel2385]

It seems like he really does want to be with you, but maybe he's just feeling guilty because you hadn't been together that long before he left. If you were in his shoes, wouldn't you feel the same way? You would still want to be with him but probably feel guilty about making him put his life on hold. Next time you talk to him I would just tell him that you want to be with him, and that you want to wait for him, so that is exactly what you are going to do, end of story. lol Maybe not so harsh, but you kwim. good luck!

[BJo]

I continued to email db even if he hadn't responded. Sometimes they don't have time to respond. Since he is voicing those concerns to you I wouldn't go over board but just be reassuring and supportive without being clingy. It sounds like he just wants assurance and is trying to push you away before he gets hurt(not that you would).

[missk]

I don't write back until I get a response. However, if there's ever a time when I don't hear from him for more than a week or so (hasn't happened yet, but I'm sure it will), I'll probably send him one "update" message.

I think if I wrote him all the time I would feel like I was putting more into the relationship than him. Even though that's not necessarily true, I'm just weird like that. Plus my day to day life is pretty boring, & they're aren't really many updates

[Godders_Girl80]

I agree with the poster who said to just be reassuring to him and give him some time. Being over there has a way of changing the way people think after the initial shock of adjustment. He will more than likely get over it very quickly and be back to normal. To answer the other part of your question. I write to DF every single day. I know he checks his email about once every 3-4 days so when he does get on he reads all of them up to that point and replys in one long email to all of them. He loves the fact that I write at least once a day even though I am not hearing from him as much as we both would like.

i wouldnt go overboard with emails to him,but i def give it a week and if you hear nothing go with what one of the other girls said and give him an "update" email.

It seems they all go through this.Mine's number got called up to go to Iraq,the same week my engine died and I was looking at over 3 grand in repairs.So I cried the first half of the week over my car,and then the second half of the week was him going to Iraq AND my car.It was horrible.We had to have a huuuuuge discussion on him going to Iraq,and he said later he wouldnt have been shocked had I dumped him then and there since we hadnt even been dating a month before this happened.

I think theres alot of mixed emotions.They feel they shouldnt be putting you "through this." That you should be doing other things than waiting around for them.They see constantly men in their division getting cheated on,or left in a 'Dear John' letter,and countless of other ways and reasons they get left alone.Im sure some of this is just nudging you...making sure you REALLY want this,some of it is insecurity,and some of it he needs to be reassured endless times how much you're dedicated to him.

Good luck,girlie

[missmowie]

Oh my gosh, I remember having the exact same conversation with my DB after he arrived in Iraq. His confidence was low and he couldn't understand how I wanted to wait a whole year for him. He basically gave me an option to get out - which of course didn't sit well with me. I flipped out and gave him a piece of my mind on the spot (over the phone!)

I told him that he had absolutely NO RIGHT, to tell me what I could or couldn't do. That I made up my OWN mind to wait for him and that was because I saw something in us that I had never seen before. However, I told him that if HE was having second thoughts, then he shouldn't be chicken sh*t and blame me for being weak. If he couldn't deal with it, then he should just do us all a favor and call it quits. I was not going to let him pin this one on me. Oh hell no!!!!!

That got me SO mad and I yelled at him like I've never yelled before. Anyway, since then we've been fine! I'm really glad that I cleared that early on in the game and he doesn't doubt my sincerity and love. I've got a couple more months to go and I can't wait. It's totally worth it!!!!!