Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: Getting through first deployment

  1. Fresh Newbie
    emilyb91's Avatar
    emilyb91 is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Jan 2018
    Location
    missouri
    Posts
    4
    #1

    Getting through first deployment

    Advertisements
    This is our first deployment since we've been together and I would just like some advice on the best ways to get through it. I know there are going to be days that are harder than others, and when those days come what do you do to push through? I know he and I are strong enough to get through this. I just would like insight from people who have been through this before. Thanks!
  2. La vie boheme
    Hope's Avatar
    Hope is offline
    La vie boheme
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    NC
    Posts
    29,074

    #2
    Some days just suck. In those days, I found that instead of trying to hold it all in it was good to just get it out if I needed to, talk to a friend, or pamper myself. Instead of focusing on the day he returns I like to set points in between. For example, I'll count down to the last day of school, summer vacation, etc,.. Then I'm that much closer. I also have a deployment wall that I'm going to set up for our boys. Last deployment and this upcoming one we decorate a small Christmas tree at the beginning of every month in a different theme related to the month. Again, it helps give a visual representation of being another month closer.
    Try and stay busy, busy. It helps keep your mind from dwelling on the less than pleasant aspects of it all. Set a goal for yourself too, if you so desire. It gives you something positive you can work on and ultimately keeps you in a better frame of mind.

    Again though, some days just suck - and that's okay. You've got this and you can do it.

    Let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth. - 1 John 3:18
  3. Senior Member
    AMP1984's Avatar
    AMP1984 is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Posts
    378
    #3
    I second Hope's comment - Deployments suck. You can prepare but you can't really prepare in my opinion because you don't really know what it's like until you're in it! And every deployment is different as far as communication so that can affect how deployment goes...I'm not even close to through my 1st deployment so I'm still struggling through but my advice is:

    Figure out realistic expectations of communication (depending where he's headed it may be daily, weekly, etc) and also make sure you have a plan - where DB is there's no cell networks allowed so his phone had to be temporarily disabled (with military orders we could do that to his line and keep the rest of our lines active) and make sure everyone had Skype and it worked (we tried it before he left).

    Make sure he gives you all necessary info - anything that you might have to take care of while he's gone that you'd need information on (DB made a list of all account numbers, passwords, phone numbers that I may need in event we have a problem with anything while he's gone).

    If at all possible have him record something for you before he leaves so you can always hear his voice (DB left me a bear that I couldn't listen to the message until he left - he went to the garage and recorded it so I couldn't hear - and it has helped me sooooo much, there are some nights I just need to hug the bear and hear his voice at bedtime and because of the time difference I don't get to talk to him at bedtime ever)

    That's all I've got - but one thing DB reminds me is this is temporary, we are forever, and that helps like Hope said, you've got this! In some ways I think it's easier than I thought and in other ways it's harder lol but I don't really think you know until you're in it, it's a difficult thing to explain
  4. The name says it all!
    ALil2Naughty's Avatar
    ALil2Naughty is offline
    The name says it all!
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Loki's chambers
    Posts
    26,360

    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Hope View Post
    Some days just suck. In those days, I found that instead of trying to hold it all in it was good to just get it out if I needed to, talk to a friend, or pamper myself. Instead of focusing on the day he returns I like to set points in between. For example, I'll count down to the last day of school, summer vacation, etc,.. Then I'm that much closer. I also have a deployment wall that I'm going to set up for our boys. Last deployment and this upcoming one we decorate a small Christmas tree at the beginning of every month in a different theme related to the month. Again, it helps give a visual representation of being another month closer.
    Try and stay busy, busy. It helps keep your mind from dwelling on the less than pleasant aspects of it all. Set a goal for yourself too, if you so desire. It gives you something positive you can work on and ultimately keeps you in a better frame of mind.

    Again though, some days just suck - and that's okay. You've got this and you can do it.
    This, all of it!

    DH: Thank you. ME: For what, babe? DH: For being you.




  5. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
    Tojai's Avatar
    Tojai is offline
    Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    St. Pete FL
    Posts
    30,026


    #5
    Even though it can be hard, stay positive with each other. My work calls it "come from curious" - if he does something you don't like or something you don't understand why he did it, don't automatically assume the worst motivation. It can get tough especially when communication is limited but it's really important to not assign ill intent if you don't know. For example DH and I had a spat and he didn't talk to me for almost a week ... I was getting so upset thinking he was giving me the silent treatment trying to get his way, and it turns out comms got turned off because there was an incident in their area. I got myself all worked up for nothing and when he explained what happened I felt really bad. It's harder than it sounds but it can avoid so much conflict! And it should go both ways too so he also needs to be understanding and patient as well.
  6. Senior Member
    AdaraMarie's Avatar
    AdaraMarie is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Location
    A Midwest State
    Posts
    644
    #6
    Hey ladies! I have been gone for several months, preparing deployment. I am in the same boat as you. My SO is gone and this is our first deployment as well. He will be gone for an entire year. I have had some really hard days and I didn't know I could cry so hard until now, but I agree with the others. Make points throughout the months, and set goals for yourself. I am also making a care package each month, themed, something crafty. I have just made my frist one and it really helped!!
  7. Regular Member
    LifeHappens's Avatar
    LifeHappens is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Posts
    197
    #7

    phone app

    I used a deployment app on my phone, it counts down the days and it is nice to see it going from red to purple.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •