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Thread: How to get that "ugh" feeling away

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    #1

    How to get that "ugh" feeling away

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    Ello

    I had the opportunity to meet up with SO during training part (pre-deployment). I've been off and on crying and it sucks... I was fine sending em off for training, but knowing the fact this is the last time I'll be able to see em is definitely putting a damper on my day. "How do you get over this feeling?" I'm sure is the most common question that has been asked on here, but do any of the advises truly work? I feel like I'm back to ground zero again having seen the SO when I was so stable building up to this final and fleeting meetup. I'm not regretting being able to see em, but ugh, I knew this would happen. I'm like the rest of you who claims to be the "strong-independent willed/I don't need anybody" type of individual, but knowing that fact that I will wake up for next months without the SO and hoping for that meager/slim chance of being contacted is disheartening...

    I just needed to vent... Thanks for listening to my soapbox
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    I don't have an answer but I am right there with you...I said goodbye to my SO yesterday for 14 months (although we plan to meet up for R&R mid-way through in Europe somewhere so really like 7 months, 2 weeks, then another 7 months...) but it's still so hard to just know I won't see him again for that long and really can't communicate with him very often...we were told they *might* be able to Skype once a week at the Yellow Ribbon seminar we went to...it seems daunting to me...

    So far I've been doing OK...the hardest moments were probably last night cooking dinner the kids heard a noise and were like "Is he BACK?" I'm like no silly gooses we just dropped him off at the airport, he won't be back for 14 months..." I feel like the more I have remind them that the more it kind of stings for me...but also having them there makes me stronger because I don't want them to see me super upset about it, I want them to know he'll be back in 14 months and all is good!

    Last night I rolled over in the middle of the night and snuggled over to his side and when he wasn't there it woke me up and then I realized WHY he wasn't there and it kinda hit me again, this is really happening, he's gone for 14 months...I have to get used to not having anyone there in the middle of the night...

    I also asked advice and I was told to pick up new hobbies and stay busy...but I don't think anything will truly help to keep my mind off it...I will constantly miss him, but one person did say "don't wish the time away, so many awesome things can happen in those 14 months" and that's true...he's gone but I'm still mom, I'm still an employee, I still have life I need to live, I can't try to fast forward it, I have to live it and try to enjoy it even though it's weird without him...and I may randomly cry at things I shouldn't just because I miss him Not sure that helps you at all...
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    Quote Originally Posted by AMP1984 View Post
    I don't have an answer but I am right there with you...I said goodbye to my SO yesterday for 14 months (although we plan to meet up for R&R mid-way through in Europe somewhere so really like 7 months, 2 weeks, then another 7 months...) but it's still so hard to just know I won't see him again for that long and really can't communicate with him very often...we were told they *might* be able to Skype once a week at the Yellow Ribbon seminar we went to...it seems daunting to me...

    So far I've been doing OK...the hardest moments were probably last night cooking dinner the kids heard a noise and were like "Is he BACK?" I'm like no silly gooses we just dropped him off at the airport, he won't be back for 14 months..." I feel like the more I have remind them that the more it kind of stings for me...but also having them there makes me stronger because I don't want them to see me super upset about it, I want them to know he'll be back in 14 months and all is good!

    Last night I rolled over in the middle of the night and snuggled over to his side and when he wasn't there it woke me up and then I realized WHY he wasn't there and it kinda hit me again, this is really happening, he's gone for 14 months...I have to get used to not having anyone there in the middle of the night...

    I also asked advice and I was told to pick up new hobbies and stay busy...but I don't think anything will truly help to keep my mind off it...I will constantly miss him, but one person did say "don't wish the time away, so many awesome things can happen in those 14 months" and that's true...he's gone but I'm still mom, I'm still an employee, I still have life I need to live, I can't try to fast forward it, I have to live it and try to enjoy it even though it's weird without him...and I may randomly cry at things I shouldn't just because I miss him Not sure that helps you at all...


    No it definitely does help... 14 months. That's insane (Mine is 9 months - indefinitely...). And with children.. I wouldn't know how to handle that if that's the scenario of our first deployment. I agree with attempting to keep busy; there are only so many hours in a day, until you've left yourself that one spot in your day to dwell. It's frustrating...You have to support them, even though selfishly you just want them to get a "real" job. Though, the argument is nill, when this -is- a real job. I understand that there are phases to having your SO deployed, but man, I can't wait for that phase where I just think for a sec and say "oh I miss him" then go about my business. When does that happen??? It doesn't help that I'm traveling back home today, and I'm stuck in airports for layovers. Well I'm with you..in spirit, to support. I don't care what others say, but those greatly affected by deployment are those left home: The emotional toll is just unnerving. I had to bring some of his stuff home since he didn't need it during deployment, so imagine me packing in the hotel, crying like i have loose screws as I folded his ACUs in my suitcase. Not to mention, he's stuck in training all day and can't contact me till he's out, so the entire day, as I waited for my flight back home, i haven't felt so alone. It's sickening sometimes to admit that, but I wonder if some women do feel that? Anyway..I'm going on and on. Thank you for coming forward and responding, it means a lot and I wish you all the luck. You got this! We all do
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    #4
    We're in our 30s and it's just his first deployment with me as his SO, he hasn't been deployed in over 6 years but he has 20 years in the Navy (some active some as reserves) so it's not new to him, just to me! I definitely have the emotional, these next 14 months will be a struggle for me Mostly because of lack of communication lol I know me and I have seen it in a lot of threads here, the lack of communication makes it hard and many people start questioning and getting in their own heads and that's me to a T, I get panicky...we actually had him do one of those teddy bears that you record your voice on for when I freak out I can play that and hear his voice tell me he's coming home to me and he loves me That way hopefully I don't freak out so much that I can't actually talk to him (or at least that's the plan...I'll let you know how I'm hanging in there in like 10 months lol)
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    #5
    Got a goodbye video message and man i'm scared to open that thing or I'm gonna be a puddle at work. I already have a jam packed week that I planned out as well as jam packed weekends to look forward to. Just gotta get through these next few months independently which I'm certain all of us can. Don't get panicky, I tend to do that too. It's second nature for us to over think things and then we start entering such a presumptuous mind frame. That bear is such a good idea, especially for the kiddos. Well girl. Good luck and if you need anything, reach out

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