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Thread: Relationship Anxiety/Self Anxiety amidst Deployment

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    #1

    Relationship Anxiety/Self Anxiety amidst Deployment

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    Hi there,
    I'm an army girlfriend (I have read posts and have yet to under the "DH" or "DB"). I have been committed for several months. I suffer from generalized anxiety, which is making for a tough upcoming deployment. Recently, we went two weeks with limited communication as he was incredibly busy and working long hours (upwards of 36 consecutive hours of being awake).

    Logically, I KNOW he is busy and that the position is stressful, more stressful than my cushy office job self could imagine. So I think I have a few questions:
    1. How often can I expect communication for a serviceman abroad? I'd like to think a weekly email touchbase, but have NO idea if that's completely off par. I've read of other SO's setting up these expectations prior to deployment and want to do the same, but have no idea what is "normal".
    2. During the two weeks, he'd often be so busy, I think he'd simply forget to say "I love you" after I had. Logically, understanding the nature of the work, I can understand the mistake. Has anyone else had such non-response? It seems as though everything else in the email is mute. (He DOES love me, he said it multiple occasions upon return). However, there's something of reassurance in hearing it said aloud.
    2a. How do find reassurance in your relationship when there's no/little communication? He is also my best friend, I tell him everything. So NOT being able to tell him minute details of my life like normal is also hard. It's almost as though our nightly dinners or TV watching are my relationship touch base, my pulse to ensure we're fine.
    3. I've gotten the vibe it could be frowned upon to email loved ones. Seen as weak, almost. Does anyone know if that's the case?
    4. Does anyone ever self doubt during the lull's of communication. I admire my boyfriend so much, his drive and passions and hard working nature and kindness. I often find myself thinking that he's out there sacrificing for the security of others, why would he want me? Again, logically, I know this a horrible train of thought. But looking to see if others have similar anxieties.

    Thank you all!
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by kendallm View Post
    Hi there,
    I'm an army girlfriend (I have read posts and have yet to under the "DH" or "DB"). I have been committed for several months. I suffer from generalized anxiety, which is making for a tough upcoming deployment. Recently, we went two weeks with limited communication as he was incredibly busy and working long hours (upwards of 36 consecutive hours of being awake).

    Logically, I KNOW he is busy and that the position is stressful, more stressful than my cushy office job self could imagine. So I think I have a few questions:
    1. How often can I expect communication for a serviceman abroad? I'd like to think a weekly email touchbase, but have NO idea if that's completely off par. I've read of other SO's setting up these expectations prior to deployment and want to do the same, but have no idea what is "normal".
    2. During the two weeks, he'd often be so busy, I think he'd simply forget to say "I love you" after I had. Logically, understanding the nature of the work, I can understand the mistake. Has anyone else had such non-response? It seems as though everything else in the email is mute. (He DOES love me, he said it multiple occasions upon return). However, there's something of reassurance in hearing it said aloud.
    2a. How do find reassurance in your relationship when there's no/little communication? He is also my best friend, I tell him everything. So NOT being able to tell him minute details of my life like normal is also hard. It's almost as though our nightly dinners or TV watching are my relationship touch base, my pulse to ensure we're fine.
    3. I've gotten the vibe it could be frowned upon to email loved ones. Seen as weak, almost. Does anyone know if that's the case?
    4. Does anyone ever self doubt during the lull's of communication. I admire my boyfriend so much, his drive and passions and hard working nature and kindness. I often find myself thinking that he's out there sacrificing for the security of others, why would he want me? Again, logically, I know this a horrible train of thought. But looking to see if others have similar anxieties.

    Thank you all!
    1. My DB (boyfriend) is on deployment as well. I am a navy DG (girlfriend) and so far, my boyfriend has been there for a bit. If your DB is a trainee, like mine, you probably won't see a whole ton of emails especially if your DB works long hours. Communication really varies. My best friend was able to get his own wifi and communicate that way, but the DB can't do that. He has to buy a special calling card and can only talk for about 20 minutes. This is pretty normal. He gets to email me very rarely, just like his calling card. He can only do it so often because they really work these guys. You can expect a response every so often. Like one to two weeks. It depends on how much access they have on the computer. It will probably be pretty short message though, not gonna lie, just because of all the time they spend working and what not.
    2. Don't really beat yourself up about the whole, "I love you thing." They have very little time to respond and he probably has so much to say over the phone, just like you. It's mute because he's working really hard, which is 9/10 the case. The DB rarely emails me at all and I don't doubt he loves me either.
    2a. Communicate all your thoughts in letters and through your care packages because every DB eats that up. They love that you take the time out of your day to think about them. This whole relationship is about trust and learning to communicate in a different way. If y'all get married, chances are it will be pretty much the same. Take this time to get to know yourself better and try new things you have never done before. You can grow from this experience and try to find a close girl friend that you can vent with. Go out and try something new today. I dare you.
    3. I mean, I don't know. Maybe? Honestly, if he loves you, he won't care about all that emailing if he knows communication is important to you.
    4. He wants you because he sees something in you that is so amazing. I get a little scared time to time that the DB doesn't love me, but then I read from our old messages and it makes me happy because I obviously am loved enough that he chose me out of everyone. Don't question why, girl. Take that love. I know it's hard.

    One word of advice: DO NOT GET PARANOID. It's hard I did too at one point, waiting for his letter.

    If you ever need a friend, I'm here
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    #3
    So communication when he is deployed is going to be dependent on where they are. DB is army and his unit is deploying in a few weeks. He's not going (getting out) but he's been told by guys who have deployed there that the base is big and modern and that a deployment there is like a "vacation." Basically they go outside the wire (so patrol or whatever mission) for about 8 hours at a time and the rest of the time is theirs. They can pay for wifi there and therefore communicate quite frequently. So in that case, communication would be pretty regular unless they had a communications block for whatever reason or he was out on a long mission or something similar. In more rural areas there may be less amenities, no wifi available, etc, there are also some places that are busier than others or where he might be on extended missions, etc.

    In summary, communication depends on where he is and what's going on. If shit hits the fan, less communication. He might be able to find out what the communication is like where he's going from guys who have been there.

    Where is he stationed?

    ETA: I think most people on here have said they normally don't go more than a few days without hearing from a deployed SO. Correct me if I'm wrong.
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    #4
    db = dear boyfriend
    dh = dear husband
    or damn, whatever suits you

    yes, communication depends on several factors. when my husband was working in the 7th fleet getting ready for inspections, it was rare. An email every few weeks.
    San Diego was texts every night he was in port.

    A lot of your questions come down to one thing, you have to have trust in your man and in your relationship. Find a new hobby or dive into an old one. when dh would be underway I would often work out two hours a day.
    keep busy.

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