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Thread: Going through 1st deployment, looking to talk

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    Crimson's Avatar
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    #1

    Going through 1st deployment, looking to talk

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    My wife is out on her first deployment, and has expressed that though she loves me she wants to have a trial separation. This has caught me by complete surprise and I find myself not knowing what to do. Without her here to talk to and try and work things out I'm at a loss. We chat when we can online while she's out, but none of the chats end well. I feel she is hiding something she doesn't want to tell me. I've asked her if it's someone else and she says no, of course not. But now I'm lonely and don't know what to do. I'm going to start counseling next week, but I'm not sure how this will all play out. Has anyone gone through anything similar?
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    #2
    Hey there!

    I'm in San Diego and going through my first deployment with my boyfriend, this is his 3rd and it's definitely a different beast. I had no idea what it would actually be like.

    That could be cause for some of the troubles. DB has said over and over although each deployment is different they do get easier for him, he mentioned his first deployment was a disaster. She is in a brand new situation dealing with god knows what causing her mind to do some crazy things, that doesn't give her an excuse for not communicating those things to you. You are her husband and you two should be able to support each other, even through distance.

    What causes your chats to not end well? Have you asked her what has caused her to want this "trial separation" aside from asking if there is someone else (which by the way, that would be my first question too)?

    Good for you for going to counseling and taking care of yourself. That is going to be so important for you going forward no matter how this ends. Deployment is a pretty lonely thing I've found even without going through the troubles you're experiencing.

    I'm down to talk if you need someone to listen!
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    I am sorry this has happened to you. How long have you been married? How long has she been in the service?
    My husband and I are both active duty and have unfortunately been through a lot of deployments. I have never been through your situation. My husband and I agree not to make big decisions while deployed or TDY. This came after some heartache on both our sides. Deployments suck for all parties. I am going through a bout of depression during our current one and it has me questioning things about my relationship that I shouldn't.
    I would ask her to go to counseling with you prior to a separation and ask her to hold off until she gets back. Good for you for getting help. As long as you are in a good place it will help you no matter what. I hope this helps. Shit sucks and I hope you guys make it work.

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